Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 176,283,131 Issue: 350 | 3rd day of Swimming, Y10
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Help Wanted


by enigma_on_ice

--------

Also by _mynci_89

      Help Wanted:

      One out of control air faerie needs discipline

      Contact: Queen Fyora

Jimina the Wocky looked sternly at the tiny air faerie that stood before her. The air faerie, Lisira, had been sent over by Fyora as punishment for emptying a bag of Magical Marbles of Mystery onto the Hidden Tower Floor. The queen was laid up in bed for two weeks as the results of that little prank. Rumor had it that the mischievous faerie was also responsible for an outbreak of faellies in the royal castle amongst other things. Her last hope of teaching Lisira some responsibility lay in the capable hands of her dear friend Jimina (who happened to work at the Neopian Times). So, Lisira was shipped over to Neopia Central to spend a month working on the Times.

      Shaking her head and looking at the patches of ink that splattered the wall, Jimina closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She knew the mischievous faerie didn’t MEAN to cause trouble. It just... happened. Turning to face the faerie, she opened her eyes and grinned as they fell upon three heavy bags sitting behind Lisira. Her face lighting up, she pointed one finger at the pile.

      “That’s your last chance here, Lis. You are going to help the Times set up a new feature. Once a month we are going to be running a classifieds section. It will give pets and owners a chance to sell things, look for lost items, even find a new neohome! And those,” she said as she pointed a paw towards Lisira, “are the first batch of ads we have received. YOUR job is to sort through them and find a few dozen that will be acceptable for the first go-a-round. I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea when it was brought up at the last Times staff meeting, but I said we would give it a try. Now, all I need from you is two dozen ads we can use. Since this will start in issue 350, we are making it a bigger column than usual. Oh, and preferably a good variety. AND, if you manage to do this well, I’ll send word to Fyora that I believe you are ready to come back to Faerieland,” she finished with a bright smile.

      Missing: One lazy Harris. Last seen in Meridell.

      Has a tendency to fall asleep in the weirdest places.

      Reward if returned in one piece.

      Slumping down in a chair, Lisira looked disdainfully at the pile. When Fyora told her she would have to work here AND get a good report from Jimina before being allowed to return to Faerieland, she had not taken it very seriously. Figuring she may have a to serve coffee to a few staff members or sell a few papers, she hadn’t expected to do REAL work. So what if she had decided to liven up the place by flinging various colors of ink on the walls. Just like she had tried to liven up the Hidden Tower by releasing marbles and faellies. Every place needs some excitement! Kicking one of the bags, she yelped and jumped back as a pile of envelopes slowly spilled to the floor. Muttering to herself about thankless tasks, she snapped her fingers, causing a small whirlwind of air to spin though the room. The miniature funnel swept through the pile of envelopes and lifted them into a neat stack on the table.

     For sale: One everlasting apple. I’m sick of apple pie, strudel, and tarts. Contact Joli to set up a trade. 1465 Neoville Lane

      Giggling, Lisira sifted through the piles of ads. While some seemed to be more of the joking nature, most seemed quite legitimate. Time slipped by as she sorted the ads into various piles. Her plan? To include only the craziest, off-the-wall ones she could find. Figuring that Jimina would just give up on her and send her back to Faerieland was the idea. Then someone else could work on this stupid task.

      Wanting to buy: Vinarok OR

      lock pick/crowbar.

      -Mr. Snugglekins-

     Looking for friendly Grundos for mind washing exercises. Will provide room, board, and continuous supervision. Contact Dr. F. Sloth

     As Lisira sorted through her piles to select the best ones for the next issue of the Times, she was startled to hear her name.

      “I heard Jimina put that nasty Lisira in charge of the classified section for the next issue. I bet the little brat ruins it just like she ruined everything else around here. I just bet she doesn’t realize how important this issue is to us writers. This IS going into the 350th issue and ALL of us want a chance to work on it! Plus, changes only happens once every few years and we ALL want to be the ones who help with them,” said one of the voices in the hallway.

      The voices floated away as Lisira strained to hear more. Staring at the pile of paper on the table, Lisira thought back to the last few weeks. Remembering the spilled ink, “misplaced” stories, and miamice in the paper closet made her squirm. As she stared at the piles of ads, it slowly dawned on her that this job MEANT something to some people. It might bore her silly, but some Neopians thrived on writing for the Times and making it as enjoyable as possible for everyone to read. Over the last few weeks, her harmless “pranks” made it difficult for people to do their job. Face flushing slightly, she turned back to her piles and started to sort the ads with a new purpose.

      Public Notice

      FREE Cookies for Feepits.

      Collect at: Dark Alley, Haunted Woods

      For Sale

      Hand Weights, Grt Cond.

      Hardly Used.

      Contact T. Guy @

      Mystery Island

     By the end of the week, Lisira had selected the required number of ads. The task of reading and debating the merit of each ad had kept her occupied, resulting in a peaceful work environment at the Times. In fact, things were so quiet, Jimina herself poked her head into the editing room numerous times to ensure Lisira had not run out on her. The sight of the small faerie bent over her task in earnest concentration caused her to shake her head in wonder. She debated interrupting a few times to see what had been done, but decided Lisira needed to complete this task on her own.

      Three days later....

      Her tiny face lighting up at the sight of the nearly completed ads layout, Lisira smiled broadly. The eye strain, back ache, and tired wings that went along with the task had all been forgotten. Glancing at the final space left on the page, she thumbed through the remaining ads and pondered what to put there. Suddenly, she remembered the voice in the hallway from earlier in the week and grinned...

     Nodding with approval, Jimina proclaimed Lisira free to go. She had sent a messenger to Faerieland to advise Fyora that the naughty faerie sent to her had actually managed to do an excellent job at the Times. After receiving word back that Lisira was once again allowed in Faerieland, Jimina proclaimed the good news. As the happy air faerie skipped out of the office, Jimina's eyes fell to the final ad on the page. Shaking her head and smiling, she sent a bemused glance at the exiting faerie.

     Help wanted:

      Ads department looking for new associate. Apply at the Times office. Happy #350, Times!!!!

The End

 
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