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Even MORE Neopian Book Reviews


by qazx301

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Have you ever read a great book? If you have, you’ll know what it’s like. Good books excite you. They take you to faraway places and on adventures. Bad books make you feel like you just wasted your time. How can you tell good books from bad books? You can’t! That’s my job! I have compiled this article with some of the best (and worst) books in Neopia. Forget about those long and in-depth reviews, the ones with ‘author interviews’ or ‘plot dissection’! My reviews are short and to the point! Don’t trust those fancy reviews!

The JubJubs Secret: The greatest secret in Neopia, one that has never been told: JubJubs don’t have arms! Shhh, don’t tell anyone!

Win!: What happens to the Neopian who doesn’t ‘Lose!’

Tis Be Harvesting Time: Tis be time to teach grammar to the Meridellians. Why don’t they harvest up a dictionary?

King Skarl the I: Either Skarl’s obsessed with roman numerals, or I found out where the Meridellian grammar problem comes from.

Laws of the Land: This is the book where King Skarl decrees everyone in the kingdom must use horrible grammar to attract tourists.

Medieval Dictionary: Thus, requiring this book to be published to help the peasants understand each other.

Baby Buzz Manual: A book that tells you how to responsibly take care of your baby Buzz. Three words: watch your step.

King Kacheek: A tale of a young Kacheek who becomes king, despite the fact he’s painted rose pink.

Lennies Who Lie: Yes, he had stolen the pocket protectors, but he wasn’t going to tell the truth…

Scorchio Cook Book: If you’re aiming to become a Scorchio chef, this book tells you how to make any type of flambé you can name!

The Wise Cybunny: This is a story about a Cybunny so wise, she summed up the meaning of life in two inspiring words- “Shoes, duh!”

Scary Sloth Stories: And then, the hero saw Sloth in a pink Usuki dress *sound of little Neopets screaming with horror*!

Kiko Boo Boos: Why do Kikos have so many bandages? Because they have no legs and have to roll everywhere, duh (note: this theory is not endorsed by TNT).

Scents Of The Skeith: Skeith smell bad. Skeith roll in pile of dung. Skeith eat book because no like book. Book say Skeith stinky.

Jetsam Style: Only the most stylish Jetsams color-coordinate their collections of severed limbs.

Advert Attack Guide Book: This review sponsored by Virtupets Space Station.

Repairing Your Petpets: Note: Only use the information in this book if you own a robotic Petpet.

Wings of Steel: It seemed like a good idea on the ground, but one poor Pteri found out the hard way that, no matter how cool they looked, you can’t fly with metal wings.

Difficult Equations: I’m shocked that this book has never become a bestseller.

Quiggle Coifs: A completely useless book seeing as Quiggles don’t have any hair.

Eliv Thades Guide to Anagrams: A ralely, rlelay ogod dear. Wto tmubh pu!

Ye Old Meridellian Vocabulary Workbook: Thou art lacking in thy grammar, O Meridell! Thou reeking symole-tounged Lennies!

Scroll of the More Ancient Ancients: If this book interests you, read “Scroll of the Less Ancient Ancients” and “Scroll of the Most Ancient Ancients”.

Origami Pets 101: Want a Krawk? Can’t afford a Draik egg? With this book, you can fold a slightly less realistic version, but it will cost less to feed. Amaze your friends with your almost genuine Krawk!

Fishing For Zafaras: Choose the best lures and fishing holes to catch a Zafara in no time!

Ultimate Wocky Manual: Slightly better than the Not So Ultimate Wocky Manual.

Nimmo Meditation: This book describes the process of catching flies while contemplating the meaning of life.

The Plushie Skeith: Sure, he was made of fabric, but he could still swallow codestones whole…

Lupe Mysteries: Frankie the Chia had been missing for several hours. The Lupe detective arrived at the scene of the crime just after he finished his lunch. The Chia was never found.

How To Tie A Scroll Using Some Rope And Other Handy Tips: Finally, something that makes sense!

Snow Faerie Book: After you read this book, it will disappear in a puff of smoke, but not before making several expensive food items disappear with it and leaving behind a wet snowball.

Constellation Spotting: Otherwise known as the Altador plot.

The Quiggle Knight: Sure, he couldn’t lift a sword, but his tongue could hit dark faeries at a two-hundred foot range!

Cooking With Gargarox: Take a tomato, two heads of cabbage, a pile of rotten fish, and some Grundo toes…

Get A Job: Now, if I took this advice, you wouldn’t be reading this, now would you?

Lunch Box Collector Book: People who can get through this are the same people who can solve the Lenny Conundrum without paper in ten seconds.

Lenny Crosswords: Who knows an eleven letter word that describe what this joke is - hey!

Hagan’s Secrets: Did you know that King Hagan once got an A- on an English test? Scandalous!

Dark Faerie Magic: This book keeps staring at me! Ugh, Jhudora quests.

Kreludan Fashion: Every Grundo knows that the more pocket protectors, the more fashionable you are.

Defending Your Neohome: Hint- Don’t build out of cardboard, cloud, or jelly.

Neopian Times Year 6 Annual: Pure brilliance.

Scroll of Benevolence: I swear, something about this one scares me.

Dark Faerie Dreams: Jhudora woke in a sweat. “No!” she exclaimed. “Someone save me from the cuteness of those Feepits!” Thankfully, it was just a dream.

Neovian Genealogy: How is it possible for Skeith plus Zafara to equal a Gelert, a Lupe, and an Ixi? TNT, you better check this one out!

The Golden Journal Vol. 1: I would love to read this, but the solid gold cover makes it a little to hard to open!

Gluten-Free Potion Composites Cookbook: Because every evil spell should be easy on the tummy and hard on the victim.

Behind the Rusted Door: The True Story of the Meepit Oaks Sanatorium: Despite what they say, it’s actually not that bad a place. So I’m told.

 
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