Chronicles of the FMI: Agent Flep

You don't want to mess with a Feepit.

     Especially a Feepit named Flepperstunderstung. Maybe you've heard of me, Agent Flep, renowned worker for the F.M.I. (Feepit Meepit Investigations). Maybe you haven't, which means you have no idea why the Meepit population is steadily growing, and innocent Neopians are vanishing swiftly after their purchase of a Meepit. Coincidence? No.

     This is why I was hired to track down Celia the Pirate Gelert and ask her some... questions.

     ***

     Our records at the F.M.I. (if you're wondering, we have a secret underground base, guarded by some not-so-friendly Symols. We're a happily private organization run by some fiercely trained Feepits. Our existence is known by no one. Since the first Feepit and the first Meepit, we have existed is some shape or form to fight against our foe) say Celia had purchased a Meepit a mere five days ago, and on the end of the fifth day, she had vanished and a new pink Meepit with no apparent records had been shipped off to the Haunted Woods from the NC Middle School. My superiors quickly became suspicious, and I was called in to follow that Meepit. There's a rumor going around that the Meepits have a new concoction that can turn Neopets into their... followers.

     But that's beside the point. Let's get some up to date news.

     Currently I'm being escorted by a faerie Feepit to my destination. The plan is to get in and get out with some information. For all I care, the Meepit can rot in there until some Neopian-pain buys her for a few thousand neopoints.

     To bad it didn't work out that way.

     Agent Fley set me down by the creepy petpet place, waving a hasty good-bye then speeding off into the air. I wish I could've followed her. Eerie moans and groans and swaying, gnarled trees were enough to drive anyone nuts here in the Haunted Wood. But Agent Flep had a mission.

     I expertly padded over to the other side of the building (which was rotting and oozing with slime) in my spanking new dung Meepit costume. The smell was guaranteed to hide my Feepit scent from the enemy (and blind them for a few minutes). As I had hoped, the back door was unlocked. Maybe there had been a recent escape. Or maybe they wanted to air out the building I would never know. I crept inside, instantly greeted with walls covered in glowing green slime, rotting floorboards, and a stench enough to make the Snowager grow hairs and have them all fall out. Pressing a scented napkin to my nose, I crawled a bit around, scouting my surroundings. The Shopkeeper was chatting with a very pretty faerie Gelert, and I could tell he would (and wanted) to be there a while. This gave me all the time I needed to get my work done.

     Casting glances around, I quickly spied a purple Meepit that was staring fiercely at me behind bars. I felt my blue and white dotted fur crawl and bristle. It let out a quiet, malicious "Meep" that I translated to, "Welcome to your end, Agent Flep."

     In my fluent Meepit I hastily replied, ducking under an empty cage, "Excuse me, but I'm just an innocent Meepit looking for a home. Can you let me into the cage?"

     The Meepit glared pointedly at me. "If I could open the cage, why would I be in here?" It hissed. I was beginning to get some heated looks, so I decided I was on my own here.

     "Hey hey, no need to get pushy," I mumbled. I pulled out a small, sharp pin and shoved it into the lock and slipped into the cage.

     The Meepits were all staring hard at me now. My heart was racing; they knew! They knew... Doing my best to ignore the creeps, I scuttled over to the one Meepit that wasn't intent on destroying me. Her ears were much thinner than the usual Meepit, her tail was a bit longer, her eyes less malicious. She was my target, our lifeline.

     I crawled next to her, intrigued by how forlorn she looked. Bags lay under her eyes, her face looked sunken, her paws were raw, and she looked petpet-bitten. I snuggled next to her, surprised how little she moved away. For a moment my heart was racked with pity, but that was quickly extinguished. All I cared about was the information that lay inside her memory.

     "Hey there," I whispered, trying to banish the usual icy indifference Feepits had in their voices. "Do you know who you are?"

     This was an important question. Most Neomeeps (as we called them) forgot about their past lives as Neopets, embracing their new lives far too readily. I waited patiently for her reply as she stared numbly at me, her black eyes flickering suspiciously.

     "Yes, I do. I'm... I'm Cynthia," she rasped. "I'm a pirate Gelert... or... was... I'm not anymore." She lifted a bony finger to point at the hoard of Meepits who were hissing amongst themselves. "They turned me into one of them."

     I nodded my head, and sliding ever closer to her, I replied, "I'm not a Meepit, you know. I'm here to rescue you."

     She looked slowly, balefully at me, the hope and relief billowing around her eyes making me burn with infuriating guilt. "But first," I hastily added, "You need to tell me everything you know; everything about these Meepits and what they did to you."

     She rested her head against my smelly shoulder, letting her story spill around me. I wanted to laugh at her predicament hysterically, for it was incredibly ludicrous, but I kept my cool, patted her reluctantly on the shoulder, and gave her a reassuring wink.

     Detaching myself from Cynthia, I began my trek back to the cage. I heard her stumble to her paws and cry out for me; I waved her off. Pushing past the Meepits and getting to the cage's door, I whisked out my handy lock-pick and thrust it into the lock.

     "WAIT FOR ME!" she cried as I fumbled with the pick.

     "Agent Flep waits for no one miss," I replied coldly, hitting her with a wad of spit head on, making sure not to look her in the eye. "We'll get some agents down here if you're still kicking."

     Suddenly, I felt the glare of twenty Meepits on my back as the words, "HE'S A FRAUD! HE'S A FREAK! HE'S A FEEPIT!" cut through the air. My body went cold as forty well-trained paws grabbed my shoulders and wrapped around my mouth. I bit down hard on the furry blue paw around my chompers and kicked at anything well within reach. There were two many. I was outnumbered.

     Something conked me hard on the head. Before I knew what had happened, darkness was all around me, save for an image of a Meepit clamping its jaws on my paw.

     ***

     The Council gathered around the unconscious spy, whispering menacingly amongst themselves. It would take awhile for the Transformation to take effect, but that was natural. They would just keep banging his head with their incrusted food bowls until he turned into a Meepit--- if necessary.

     Yet Agent Flep still posed a serious problem. Thanks to the Neomeep, he knew, or had a very clear idea, of their master plan. The Council shivered as they imagined their Master plan dissolving before their very unblinking eyes.

     One of the Council barked an order to a lower Meepit. The Meepit scuttled away and quickly returned, the Neomeep (number 506) in his iron paws.

     Number 506 cried out and spat at their feet. "Lemme go, you ugly stupid pink purses! You wouldn't have him if it wasn't for me!"

     The Council looked into each other's gazes and replied as one, "Ugly stupid pink purses or not, we would have seized Agent Flep without you, number 506. We scented his disgusting Feepit hide the minute he came within sight."

     Cynthia shivered as their metallic, droning voices grated against her ears. It sounded worse than Tineey's cries. At the thought of Tineey, Cynthia's eyes filled with tears; she hastily blinked them away. Wait a minute... she had blinked. For the first time in weeks, she had blinked! She looked down at her paws, which were slowly but surely beginning to become mottled with gray. Was the Meepits' transformation potion beginning to wear off? But according to the council, that was never supposed to happen...

     It hit her suddenly, so clear yet insanely crazy. As soon as Flep had spit in her face, the de-transformation had begun! Feepit spit was the antidote!

     Her mind whirling, she hissed, "But, little do you know, Agent Flep exchanged some information with me! He said an entire Feepit squad was on its way to rescue me and foil your brilliant plans!"

     The Council, less amazed than Cynthia had expected, huddled together and began Meeping crazily. Cynthia was finding it harder and harder to understand them. She shivered at the thought of turning back into a Gelert inside the Meepit cage.

     "How do we know you speak the truth?" the Council rasped, pinning her under their frightening gaze. "Why would the Agent reveal such valuable information in our presence?"

     "Because, I bargained with him, duh."

     "Insolence will get you...

     "Nowhere... will only land you in trouble yatta yatta whatever; I get it. Now, unless you wanna be destroyed by an army of Feepits, I suggest you listen to what I have to say," Cynthia snapped, feeling her tail beginning to thin.

     "And what is that?" the council seethed.

     "Wake the Feepit up and let him spit on all the Neomeeps here," she replied slowly, confidently, as her plan began to solidify. "The Feepit spit has a chemical in it that—uh, makes the Neomeeps grow! Whoa! See?" she added weakly as her head hit the top of the cage.

     The Council meeped excitedly, and all Cynthia could make out was, "Yeses!" and one single "nonunion" (which was quickly hushed and the speaker slapped).

     Slapping the Feepit into consciousness, they ordered him to spit on all the Neomeeps, who had lined up on the back of the cage. Flep exchanged a bewildered look at Cynthia, who was grinning widely and winking as if Flep had spit in her eye. Shrugging, the Feepit spit double-time, until the Neomeeps were covered in spittle.

     Cynthia wished the de-transformation would begin soon.

     Flep wished someday he would be able to spit again.

     The Council wished for world domination.

     Number 505 the Neomeep wished for a towel.

     Number 505 let out a shriek of pain as his head (the head of a full-grown Tonu) burst through the cage.

     The rest of the Neomeeps followed him, including Cynthia, rising, rising, rising. The world became normal again; blinking was a possibility; pink was so five seconds ago. The cage broke and the Council and five regular Meepits fell to the ground (Flep was safe in Cynthia's paws).

     The Shopkeeper burst from around the corner, his faerie friend hot on his heels. She let out a shriek of joy, crying, "Meepits? How adorable! I'll take all of them!"

     Cynthia and the other Neopians who were crowed in the small shop smiled thinly, looking down at the baffled Flep and the enraged Meepits. "They're all yours, lady," Cynthia said. Winking, she added, "But I'll advise you never to mock a Meepit... which includes calling them ugly pink purses."

The End