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Interviews With Your Favorite BD Opponents!

by indulgences


BATTLEDOME - Battling is a very popular activity on the Neopets website. The Battledome is a place where a user's Neopet can fight against other Neopets and other opponents, and fights are commonly referred to as one-player (against challengers that are unlocked as Random Events) or two-player (against the Neopets of other players). Sometimes, plots require participation in the Battledome to defeat an opponent in order to get to the next part of the plot.

Everyone has his or her favorite Battledome opponent, whether it be the Inflatable Balthazar for the ease of getting a full heal after one hit, the Pant Devil for the notoriousness of his thieving ways, or Boochi for zapping that expensive Maraquan Neopet into a harmless-looking baby. The most famous Battledome opponents are also the most beloved, such as the Space Faerie and Punchbag Bob.

Here, without further delay, are interviews with some of your favorite one-player Battledome opponents! They’re all here – the Pant Devil, Boochi, the Esophagor, and more. The questions range from personal hygiene, to dieting, to money issues, along with many more of the questions you’ve been itching to know the truth about. How does the Tax Beast feel about battling? Has Kasuki Lu ever tried dieting? What is up with the Lab Ray Scientist’s hair? These questions, and more, answered here for the first time!

Has Meuka ever tried anything to relieve his sinus problem?

“I believe in natural healing.” *picks nose*

Does the Giant Ghostkerchief ever carry a hanky?

“Strangely, no.”

What does the Mummy do when he runs out of toilet paper?

*aghast* “What are you implying?”

Does the Tax Beast find battling taxing?

“Witty! Why yes, I find it taxing in much the same way that The Drenched feels washed out after battling.”

To the Inflatable Balthazar: Squeek? Squeek squeek!

“SQUEEK! Squeek squeek! Squeek!”

Has Lady Frostbite ever been given the cold shoulder?

“No, but I was once burned by someone I carried a torch for.”

To the Esophagor: Have a cookie.

“MMMMMMMMmmmmmm Nowww Essoophagorr happy!!!! Howard JubJub dieeddd innn thhee yeeear 35 BN. Geett mee morre foodd anndd I wwiill telll yoou thee pllaaceee...”

Has the Pant Devil ever considered becoming the “Pants” Devil?

“I don’t wear pants, fool!”

Has Kasuki Lu ever tried dieting?

“That’s so mean; let me live my life!”

Does Turmaculus ever get on a winning roll?

“Why speak of rolls when I’m surrounded by sweet, juicy petpets?”

Why in blazes does the Mutant Kadoatie need so much money?

*howls* *takes 5000 Neopoints*

To The Down For Maintenance Pteri: What? Now? WHYYYYYYY!!!

“Go play some games. Oh, that’s right, you can’t get any neopoints from them! BWAHAHAHA!”

To Boochi: Can you please zap my Kougra?

“And -- kazaam!” *poof* “Darn it, I missed!”

To the Pant Devil: Gimme all my stuff back!

“I’ll give back all your omelettes, but the Pirate Paint Brush stays with me!” >D

Just how many Pant Devil Attractors does the Pant Devil have now?

“1,371,363,592 and I love them alllll...” *kissing noises*

To the Lab Ray Scientist: What is up with your hair?

“This is what Beta testing the Secret Lab Ray did to me. I zapped myself so many times, I’m beautiful now!” *note: This answer does not reflect an informed opinion.

What does the Lab Ray Scientist do with the gender-changing Strange Potion in his spare time?

“I don’t use the Strange Potion on myself. I’m already a beautiful woman.” *note: The Lab Ray Scientist is, in fact, a man. Early zapping has discombobulated his thoughts.

To the Space Faerie: Far out, man!

“Rock on, dude!”

To Punchbag Bob: Don’t beat yourself up over a few losses.

“Funny. Really.” *bats furiously and harmlessly at you*

Does the Shadow Usul cast a shadow?

“No. I am the stuff of darkness. Boo.”

Does the Snow Faerie ever get lonely living in her icy home on the top of Terror Mountain?

“No, I’m a pretty frosty individual. I’m not frigid or cold-hearted, just a bit cool.”

Is the Slug Monster afraid of salt?

“Yes, along with frying pans and cooks.”

Is Magnus the Torch a hotheaded individual?

“Yes, but I’m mainly discriminated against because of my halitosis.”

How did the Snowager amass its pile of treasure?

“Play games, do dailies, restock, and don’t cheat on side accounts.”

Does the Chia Clown have holes in his underwear?

“What an insult! Of course I don’t have holes in my underwear.”

Continued: Then how does he get his feet through?

“Ha ha ha ha! Good one!”

This concludes my interviews with some of the most beloved and well-known Battledome opponents in Neopia today. Several popular and celebrated individuals were left out, mainly the Brain Tree, who telepathically answered all my questions, and Chiazilla (twenty stories high, 300 metric tons of fear), who had a hugely pressing engagement. Also notably absent were the Giant Hungry Malevolent Chomby, who went to stave off his appetite back at the Giant Omelette, and the Spider Grundo, who decided to spend the day just hanging out in his cave.

These were all of the Battledome opponents who were willing to sit down and chat with me about their loves, loathes, and lives. I hope you’re grateful to them for the time they spent politely answering questions, especially those oddball ones that came out of left field. You truly have to hand it to them for talking openly about food issues, hair enigmas, and underwear, don’t you?

Stay tuned for further developments and even cooler interviews with your favorite Neopian characters in the future! As more Battledome opponents are found, they will be added to my list of future interviews for the Neopian Times. And, best of luck with all your Battledome endeavors, against both one-player and two-player opponents alike!

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