How To... Spend Quality Time With Your Neopet

Startled, and with eyebrows raised, you look around to see who has spoken. Nope, no one there, so you return to being the social butterfly that you are, firmly rooted in chat world, and before long the voice pipes up once again (though slightly louder and somewhat firmer this time), "I'M BORED!"

"Who's bored?" you ask, curiously, feeling a bit foolish.

"ME!" the voice answers. "I'm supposed to be your active neopet, only I'm not very active, am I? I am just standing here like a spare part while you talk to every Tom, Dick and Harry in Neopia!"

Your active neopet is glaring furiously at you and tapping their hooves/wings/fins/feet/ unrecognisable body part (again, delete as appropriate) impatiently.

Now, here you find yourself with five possible options. You can:

a) Ignore your neopet and carry on chatting

b) Give your pet a toy to play with

c) Treat your pet to a few rides on the Roo Island merry-go-round

d) Play a game with your neopet

e) Follow Tallydepp's How To... Spend Quality Time With Your Neopet guide

Decisions, decisions... Let's see how you got on.

If you chose a, then shame on you! Your neopet should come first, no matter what. Why ever did you sign up for Neopets in the first place?

If you chose b, then nice try, but the toy broke after a few plays and you spend the rest of the day listening to your pet sobbing in a heart-breaking manner.

If you chose c, then uh-oh! The first ride was a great success, but the second made your pet feel queasy, and you spend the rest of the day cleaning up after him/her.

If you chose d, then well done for a valiant effort, but you failed to get on the high scoreboard and you spend the rest of the day trying to coax your neopet out of a major sulk.

If you chose e, then congratulations! Your pet not only has learned some new skills and become significantly more intelligent, but they have also decided you are the best owner ever and they will love you for life!

"I like the sound of that!" I hear you say. "Please, tell me more about your How To... Spend Quality Time With Your Neopet guide, Tallydepp!"

Gladly! Here are the Top Ten How To... activities, according to Tallydepp's How To... Spend Quality Time with Your Neopet guide:

10. How To Stay Fit

Buy this How To... book and your neopet will soon be one of the fittest, healthiest pets in the whole of Neopia. Written by fitness guru, Meredith P, this book explains the best way to get into shape through exercising and describes the pros and cons of all the fitness equipment available to your neopet. Your pet will be full of gratitude once they start shedding the extra weight they are carrying and you will have the added bonus of being the owner of a super-fit pet!

9. How To Ride A Bike

How many times have you witnessed your neopet staring longingly at the shiny, brightly colourful bikes on sale in the Toy Shop? And how many times have you had to mop up their tears after you said, "No, I'm not buying that bike because you don't know how to ride it." Well, buy this How To... book, then buy the bike, and spend many fun-filled hours teaching your neopet to ride! This is such a foolproof fun way of spending quality time with your pet that it's as easy as, well, riding a bike!

8. How To Be A Gormball Champ

So, you tried to amuse your pet by playing a game with them, only to find yourselves on the losing team. Well, now you can teach your neopet to be a winner by buying this book! Written by the one and only Ursula Usul, who has done nothing but train for six years atop Mount Usalin, this book will make you and your neopet Gormball Champs! Bring on the trophies and the gushing gratitude of your eternally grateful neopet!

7. How To Make Papyrus

What better way to while away the hours on a rainy day by teaching your neopet how to make papyrus? Described as bookmaking for beginners, even the most dim-witted pet will soon have the art of papyrus-making mastered. This How To... book comes with the added money-making bonus of being able to sell the books you and your neopet make! Possibly.

6. How To Stitch

They say a stitch in time saves nine, and even if you don't know what that means, then it doesn't really matter because stitching is fun! This step by step How To... book will bring you and your neopet many hours of calm, relaxed fun, sitting stitching on the swing in your neogarden. Unleash the fashion designer in your neopet and have them making and wearing clothes that other Neopians could never even dream of! A must in today's age of customisation!

5. How To Play The Viola

Your pet will never be bored again once you have taught them how to play the viola. Guaranteed to turn any neopet into a viola maestro in only one week, this How To... book will be music to your ears. Just remember to buy some earplugs to wear for the first few days.

4. How To Draw A Raindorf

Cute but often achingly expensive, a Raindorf is a petpet that every neopet would love to play with. But if this wintery petpet is out of your price range, then fear not, because the detailed directions in this How To... book will have your neopet drawing Raindorfs as well as any artist! Yes, that's right, paper petpets - who would have thought it possible? The lovely pictures created by your pet will also make interesting and unique wall hangings in your neohome.

3. How To Make Math Jewellery

Every neopet wants to look pretty and what better way to stand out than by having them wear math themed jewelery made by their very own hands/fins/wings (delete as appropriate). Reading this How To... book also has the added bonus of making your neopet better at math! (claim not actually scientifically proven).

2. How To Make Origami Creatures

Containing many examples of how to create origami creatures, this How To... book will improve your neopet's dexterity as well as provide them with a multitude of paper toys to play with. Just remember to take care if your neopet is of the Fire variety, as paper and fire pets are not really a good idea.

1. How To Escape

If you really love your neopet, then taking the time to read this How To... book with them is an absolute must. Packed with tips on how to escape evil villains, this book could actually save your pet's life! Of course, if your neopet is of a timid, frightened nature, then this book may subject them (and you!) to many sleepless nights as they may suffer nightmares from the villains described within. But surely a sleepless night or two is worth knowing how to escape?

There you have it, folks! Tallydepp's How To... Spend Quality Time With Your Neopet guide. Following this guide and buying the necessary How To... books will ensure that you and your neopet have many fun-filled hours together, and your neopet will never claim to be bored again. Moreover, your pet will be eternally grateful for you having dedicated so much time to their well-being and happiness.

Of course, because these How To... books are really self-help books, you could just buy them and give them to your neopet to read alone. Once they have mastered all the activities on their own, they will probably be too busy having fun to pester you anymore, leaving you lots and lots of free time to spend chatting on the Neoboards.

But you wouldn't do that?

Would you?