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Meepits - World Conquerors with "Adorable Buckteeth"

by serissa98


In "Discoveries of Professor P. Shaw: The Meepit," mithril_mithrandir assures us, (unfortunately without any scholarly proof, since the Professor Shaw was unable to attend), that Meepits are in fact not a danger to Neopia.

However, the dangerous misconceptions perpetrated in the above article must be addressed. Therefore, this article offers a rebuttal and proves that Meepits are indeed dangerous creatures.

The first point raised in the article is that Meepits, while they may be evil, cannot possibly be "dumb enough as to allow news of their plan to leak all over Neopia." Therefore, any concerns or rumors about massive Meepit invasions must just be hysteria. However, Meepits have shown their intelligence upon previous occasions. For example, they are capable of breaking into the Neopedia and censoring the article about Meepits.

The aforementioned article seems to imply that Meepits are indeed a danger, but the censorship, while incomplete, makes it clear that Meepits do not want to be discussed or have any facts about themselves revealed. (TNT might want to check its programming team for someone who won't take off their moach costume and drinks juppie juice by the gallon). If Meepits are not dumb, then, why do all Neopians fear a Meepit takeover? Is this all hysteria? Not necessarily. Other famous Neopians of a... darker... persuasion are also widely suspected of plotting evil against Neopians, even though the exact details of their plans are not known.

For example, Dr. Sloth is still handing out transmogrification potions, and the Kreludan Mining Corporation is guarded by an attack robot with lasers. Is that really necessary for a simple mining operation? Not to mention the "Doom dispenser 3000", erm, I mean the Neocola Machine. And somehow he convinced Tarla to give out Obedience Medallions to all of Neopia. The description on that little thing reads "Oh, don't put it on... that's exactly what Sloth wants you to do." We don't know what exactly he's planning, but we all know he has some nefarious deed in mind. Or what about Jhudora? Although she hasn't been implicated in any evil acts, the Neopedia assures us that "For the time being, she's keeping to her cloud, committing acts of petty evil, moving toward an unfathomable goal. Rest assured, if anyone discovers what she's up to - she'll make sure they never get a chance to tell anyone else." As another Neopedia article about her says, "Neopets who ask too many questions about Jhudora tend to... disappear." We all know she's planning something, but the knowledge of that, despite our lack of information about the specific details, doesn't negate the fact that she is evil and she is plotting against Neopians.

We cannot accuse Dr. Sloth or Jhudora of anything directly, but we all know they are not working on behalf of the good in Neopia. Therefore, the fact that we all know Meepits have a plot does not mean we're all hysterically panicking at some invisible threat. Such a threat may well exist, even if we cannot at this time know all the details. All we can know right now, according to the Meepit TCG Card is that "once they had collected enough acorns, step two of the plan could begin in earnest." And whatever that plan is, it can't be good.

The article additionally uses the game "Meepit vs. Feepit" to prove Meepit's non-violent tendencies. If Meepits were evil, would they be willing to be tossed around to help Neopians gain more neopoints? And what about those Meepit colonies Professor Shaw mentions, which existed for thousands of years, proving that Meepits are organized peaceful, cooperative creatures? Of course, Professor has yet to present his findings on Meepit colonies at any research conference, and I was unable to find any papers on that subject published by him, but if his supposition is true, Meepits are still dangerous little beasties. Meepit vs. Feepit gives them an excellent opportunity to practice their fighting skills all day long. Besides, the fact that they give out neopoints does not automatically make them nice. Dr. Sloth somehow got Tarla to give away Obedience Medallions (to ensure more obedient minions). Balthazar gives away bottled faeries (to boost his own business and make him look nice). Jhudora gives rewards in exchange for quest items (for the same reason). As far as getting along is concerned, Sloth clones get along just fine together! And Captain Scarblade's crew was top-notch in terms of cooperation and teamwork. I hope that insightful Neopian Times readers will understand that giving things away and cooperating are not necessarily indicators of kindness towards Neopians.

"Discoveries of Professor P. Shaw: The Meepit" comments upon the Meepit's abnormal coloring, stating that pink is very poor camouflage for the Haunted Woods, that it would hinder its abilities to catch any prey, and that it would frighten any predators, proving that Meepits are peace-loving little critters. As far as poor camouflage is concerned, other Haunted Woods petpets have bright coloring, such as the Dribblet, Pinklet, and Devilpuss (as pink as Meepits are), the Batterfly (purple and blue), the Candy Vampire (orange, white, and yellow) and the Slymook (yellowish green). These petpets also manage to survive in the Haunted Woods, yet their color does not affect their personality. Take for example, the Devilpuss, which according to its item description is a "a scary little fiend that is anything but sweet and adorable!" Living with its bright color in the drab Haunted Woods, it doubtless had to develop extra meanness just to survive. On the other hand, drab petpets such as the slorg and sludgy are very friendly. Meepits, being just as brightly colored as Devilpi, do not have their shady reputation for nothing....

The article also asserts that Meepits are not capable of hurting anyone or anything. Part of this reasoning is due to their "adorable little buck teeth", which the Professor says is indicative of a strictly vegetarian diet. However, are those really buck teeth? We never see live Meepits with their mouth open, and petpet dentistry hasn't really become popular yet, so how do we know? Poogles look cute and furry, just like Meepits, but they have very sharp teeth. In fact, the Meepit "buck teeth" argument can be directly refuted by two items. First of all, Meepit Drawers show no buck teeth at all, but two very sharp looking fangs sticking out of the Meepit's mouth. And secondly, the Meepit chair, (the only known example in Neopia of a Meepit with its mouth open) shows a whole mouthful of menacing teeth that belong to a clearly carnivorous creature. Why the buckteeth then? To make the Meepit look harmless, of course! Cub Tooth and Golden Tooth items are already on sale in Neopian stores, and moreover, just two months ago the Tooth Faerie reported being robbed in the Haunted Woods of a whole sack full of teeth. The muggers were petpet sized, wore white sheets, and had creepy, staring eyes. A big bag of teeth will make a whole lot of fake "adorable little buck teeth".

And while Meepits are traditionally thought to act alone, this is not the case. A previously unknown Meepit ally might be lurking in your safety deposit box. No, I'm not talking about the Ilere plushie. I mean the Red, Blue, Green, and Yellow Korbat Plushies. Take a closer look, it's right in the item description: "This cute little fella goes meep! when you squeeze its tummy!" Now, is it just a plushie, or is it a Meepit inside a plushie, or is it a plushie controlled by Meepits? Either way, you cannot take your chances. Meepits, contrary to the opinions of Professor P. Shaw, are intelligent, sharp-toothed, carnivorous creatures, not to be underestimated. The Meepit Threat is unfortunately very real. You had better start stocking up on Juppie Juice in hopes of distracting the massively multiplayer Meepit invasion while you run for your life.

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