Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 186,904,174 Issue: 325 | 11th day of Sleeping, Y10
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Astpyr and the Abandoned Jungle Detective Ray


by qazx301

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There’s a moral in this story: If your owner’s a writer, avoid her stuff. Believe me, it’s good advice. You never know what kind of dangerous stuff they have.

It all started on a rainy day. “Qazx301,” I complained loudly. “I’m bored!” My owner peered up from her notebook.

      “Astpyr, you’re just going to have to wait. I’ve got to finish my article before tomorrow. I thought Kougras loved chilling out!” she added, exasperated.

      I leaned back on our sofa, flicking through Neovision channels with a single paw. My owner bent back over her notebook. She scribbled, crossed out, and finally ripped the page out and tossed it to the ground. It fell into the pile of papers containing all her failed attempts. Qazx301 groaned, and clutched her brown hair in frustration.

      “Astpyr,” she said, pointing at me with her Water Faerie Pen, “go to my bedroom and fetch my old Times issues. I need some inspiration!” I was halfway there when she yelled to me, “And don’t touch my eraser-”

      “Yes, Qazx, I get it. Sheesh!”

      Her room was small, cramped. I knew from experience she kept her old NT issues in the closet. Opening the doors, I saw something that shocked me.

      There was a small blue orb sitting on top of the old issues. Actually, it hovered two inches over them. Occasionally, it threw off a spark. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen.

      What did it do? Why did Qazx have it? I knew from Neopian History orbs were bad news, but there was only one way to find out what it did. I stretched out one paw and slowly brushed the surface-

      A blue light filled the room. It grew and grew until there way another flash of light. The light faded, and I was standing alone.

      My Neohome had gone. Surrounding me on all sides were dense vines and jungle. I was standing with my paws in the muck. Something was moving through the undergrowth.

      “Who’s there?” I said. Suddenly, an Island JubJub ran out, dragging a big, heavy Battledome sword behind her.

      “Star of the Jungle! Hurry!” she exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. “Take sword and fight monster!”

      “Are you talking to me?” I questioned.

      “Yes! You are the Star of the Jungle! You must fight!” She pointed at my side. A star shaped mark had appeared in my fur.

      “How the heck did that happen?” I shouted at the JubJub.

      “During war your mother give you power and dump you in pound for safety! Now you must slay monster and free people!” There was a loud crash. A giant monster lunged at me, showing off big fangs and awful breath. I screamed.

      Then the blue light flashed again. When it cleared, I was standing in the Neopian Pound. An owner stood next to me. “Dr. Death! I’m abandoning my pet!”. Dr. Death stormed in, grabbed me, and threw me into a cage. He walked away without a single word.

      “Hey!” I said, rattling the cage bars. “What is going on!” A shadow Gelert smiled at me from the other cage.

      “Kid,” he sang, “your owner abandoned you.” A chorus of mangy Lupes howled a harmony. “But you’ll be a part of our family here.”

      I stared at the singer with concern. “How did I get here?”

      “It’s hard to accept,” sang the Gelert as two red Acaras joined the song, “but you’ve been abandoned.” Music swelled in the background and the Lupe chorus began to dance. Pets jumped out of their cages and sang:

      “Abandoned! Little Kougra’s got abandoned! Kid, you’ll never need to worry again, ‘cause we’re your best friends here in the pound!” Dr. Death started to dance with the mangy pets as the second chorus began. “Until a caring owner pulls you out, without a doubt, you’re in the ground!” I found myself dancing on top of a cage until-

      The blue light flashed . This time, when it cleared, I was sitting at a desk. I was wearing a trench coat, and a tall black Eyrie was standing in front of me.

      “Astpyr,” he said in a low voice “can you handle the case?”

      “Excuse me? What case?”

      The Eyrie sighed and slumped. “Somebody took five million neopoints from the bank yesterday, and I need the most brilliant detective in Neopia to help crack this case!” Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of the National Neopian Bank. The Chia Police were all over the area. One came up and shook my paw.

      “Detective Astpyr,” said the yellow Chia, “we found a can of Neocola at the crime scene.” He held up an empty can of Neocola. I gasped.

      “Chief! I know who did it now!”

      The chief looked mildly interested. “Really, detective? Who?”

      “Why, where does Neocola come from? Kreludor, of course! Who controls the Neocola Machine? Why, none other than the evil Dr. Sloth!”

      The chief rolled his eyes. “We also found this.” It was a half eaten berry.

      “Half-eaten Berries are from Meridell! But no one in Meridell is evil. Therefore, it must be Lord Darigan, Chief. Darigan must be working with Sloth.”

      A member of the Chia Police walked over. “Chief! Detective! You found my lunch! Thanks a million!” He grabbed the berry and the Neocola and walked away. The chief stared at me. I started to apologize, but the blue light shone once more...

      Now I was in a metallic hallway, most likely somewhere in the Space Station. I was dressed in thick armor, and I had an odd assortment of Battledome weapons in my belt. Suddenly, a buzzer fang out and a voice came from a loudspeaker.

      “One minute until Operation Neopia Doom. All Grundos take your places for the invasion.”

      A door opened at the end of the hall. Inside was the menacing form of Dr. Sloth himself. He was bent over what seemed to be a giant ray.

      “Freeze, Sloth!” I said, pulling a QX-92 Neutrino Blaster and pointing it at the villain. “You’re under arrest!”

      He laughed, a dark and sinister sound. “I think not, Agent Astpyr. In one minute exactly, my doom ray will blow Neopia into pieces!” Sloth ran away yelling, “There’s nothing you can do! Muahaha!”

      The evil laugh was getting on my nerves.

      I bent over the doom ray. “How do I disable it?” The controls were stuck. I flipped switches, pressed knobs, but nothing was working.

      “Thirty seconds,” announced the voice. Sweat was dripping through my fur as I twisted, poked, and prodded. “Ten... nine... eight... seven...”

      “Nothing’s working!” I screamed. “I’m doomed!”

      “You’re doomed? I can’t think of a single ending!” came the voice of Qazx301. Never in my life had I been so glad to hear her complain! I was back in the neohome, sitting on the couch. I jumped to my paws and embraced my owner.

      “Qazx, the craziest thing just happened!” I tried to explain, but she cut me off.

      “Nothing could be crazier than this, Astpyr.” She held an issue of the NT in her hand. “If it’s not ‘chosen ones’ and ‘abandoned pets’, some author’s putting his characters in an impossible situation and having them find out it was just a dream! Thank goodness for my eraser globe!”

      “Eraser globe?” I prodded. Qazx looked disgusted.

      “I put copies of all those clichés in there, so I never use them myself. Some authors never think of anything original. Hey, that could be an article...” Her voice trailed off, and she began to write again. I, deciding I had had enough excitement for the day, proceeded to take a nap.

The End

 
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