Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 177,117,051 Issue: 324 | 4th day of Sleeping, Y10
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Faerieland: Only for Those Who Can Fly?


by kartateblackbelt

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I don’t know if you have noticed, but Faerieland is entirely founded upon clouds. Not to say I don’t appreciate the magic and wonder of this – and I really don’t want to get blacklisted by Queen Fyora, or worse, the Fountain Faerie – but I can’t say when I started building my Neohome that I hired the same construction crew. Sure, the architecture is impressive enough, but I’m not interested in throwing caution to the wind like that– literally. Have you noticed how easily clouds can be whipped around the sky by a small breeze? And my name may be Rainee, but that does not mean I want to have my face glued to the weather report at all times to make sure the cloud I am on isn’t due to pour out its contents over Krawk Island; I think that may be somewhat painful.

So, is Faerieland just for those who can fly and don’t have to worry about plummeting to Neopia at any moment? It must be a huge blow to their tourism industry to only be able to cater to those who are of the aviator variety. Truly, how are we to jump from cloud to cloud? How ironic would it be if I were on my way to the Healing Springs and I fell right through the gap? I’d like to see the Water Faerie try to heal that.

So, in an attempt to keep my adventurous spirit fed and my bones unbroken, I tried exploring other parts of Neopia. I visited Meridell first, as it has a castle similar to the one in Faerieland – but it seems that so many are trying to escape from it that it could not possibly be that desirable of a place to be. From there, I traveled on to Brightvale, hoping to find it to be a brightening to my spirit. Alas, King Hagan declared I wasn’t quite learned enough for his land and I couldn’t possibly stay in place with such a snobbish king. I chose to overlook the Haunted Woods (the tree with a pulsating brain is a bit of a turn-off for me, personally), and headed to Mystery Island. What place couldn’t be an adventure with “Mystery” in the name? Perhaps I’m not quite as adventurous as I once presumed, however: once I got lost in the Deserted Tomb of Geraptiku and had to live off fungus for two days, followed by being attacked by a giant Ghost Hissi, I decided Mystery Island had a bit too much mystery for me.

It was then I realized Faerieland is the place which holds a lure for me. I feel dangerous when I go there (but not in a giant rabid Hissi attacking me sort of way), like I’m getting away with something illegal. But, as I had recently discovered, I’m secretly a complete wimp and really wish I could visit without quaking in my boots. So, I went over to the Book Store (not the one in Faerieland for obvious reasons) and asked that friendly Nimmo (he sympathized, as he has no wings to speak of either) for a book about flying, and he showed me Wings Over the World. Though it was nice of him, it sort of just made my problem worse, as I got to imagine what it was like to fly, but was not offered any suggestions about actually doing it. I could buy some of the newly wearable faerie wings, but last I heard, the real faeries call you a noob if they catch you with them.

Then I remembered: maybe I could buy a Faerie Paint Brush and just accidentally use it on myself – then I would look like a Faerie! I thought two point five million neopoints was a bit steep, but I really wanted to go. I truly wasn’t thinking clearly in my fervor to get to Faerieland, though. I painted myself Faerie and it sort of worked – in a hodge-podge sort of way. Then, I wanted to make sure I looked fresh before I realized my dream (because who wants to be unclean when they fulfill their life goal?), and I made the biggest mistake of my life: I took a shower. Long story short, two point five million neopoints and my dreams down the drain - literally.

But then, after I was done crying endlessly, I realized I was thinking too inside the box. What about something else that would keep me from falling, but wasn’t wings? That’s when I had an epiphany that would change my life forever – not to mention the life of any given cloud pet with the ability to fly.

I know what you’re thinking – Neopet abuse. But it wouldn't be! I would simply ride on the back of a Cloud Draik, for example. The Draik would be paid handsomely for his or her services and I could retain my dangerous “walking-in-Faerieland-without-wings” reputation because the Draik would obviously blend in with the clouds. If the real clouds decide to have a storm: so be it! I have a flying pet that will prevent me from becoming a freak accident. And I won’t be degraded by the Faeries for using their wings as fashion statements!

Perhaps my solution is a little out there, but it is far better than, for example, recruiting Dr. Sloth to transport people through Faerieland in one of his spaceships. That sort of thing tends to go to his head, and the next thing you know he’s trying to enslave all the faeries and continue his plot to take over Neopia – this time, with the help of magic. I’m quite certain I would be more than blacklisted or be called a noob if I even thought to mention that to Queen Fyora. She becomes irritable when you bring up the enslavement of her subjects.

So, who is to offer me the services of this Cloud pet in the name of Equality for the Underprivileged Non-Flyers of Neopia?! Isn’t it true that we all want to be able to do the Faerie Crosswords and the Faerie Quests without risking our lives? It’s time for Non-Flyers across the globe to stand up for their rights to safety in Faerieland!

Okay. A tad melodramatic. But, darn it, I really want to go. :(

*Note to reader: Please don’t actually give Rainee a Cloud Draik. That would be quite mean to the poor pet.

 
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