Petpets… Neopia's Greatest Threat
I have lived on Neopia for a long time and I have noticed something occurring
more often, perhaps even gaining control of this humble little planet of Neopets,
asparagus, and a Snowflake. That control seeking thing is… Petpets. You may call
me crazy and feed me to the non-existent Vampire Bearogs of Neoquest II (but I
prefer that you do not), however, I can prove that Petpets are taking over and
what you should do for your safety.
First off I would like to ask the audience to tell me what their favorite
game is on Neopia. Chances are at least one person picked a Petpet game. I,
erm, wasn’t paying attention… but someone picked one, right? There is (well,
was) a huge audience of people here… why wouldn’t someone? There are over twelve
Petpet themed games and the numbers are rising at an unheard-of rate. Most of
these games were added within a year’s time span. Petpets are definitely taking
over… starting with games. Here are a few clues that Petpets are actually power
hungry little tyrants.
Hasee Bounce: Help these two fat Petpets most likely steal expensive doughnutfruit
to eat or have black market doughnutfruit sales.
Meepit Juice Break: Feed these former future rulers of Neopia Juppie Juice
to regain strength and bribing techniques (while having catchy music to lure
Petpet Sitter: Watch the swarm of Petpets and take care of their every need
because their slave, “Mad old Mrs. Williams” (wait, isn’t that Donna’s last
name?) has managed to escape.
Snowmuncher: You help this little Polarchuck destroy the entire economy of
Terror Mountain (he’s eating all of the snow for their snow foods, weapons,
Warf Rescue: The Warfs aid some fellow Petpets on their quest for world domination.
The Kadoatery: While the owners of these Petpets are supposedly “on holiday”
you give them really expensive items to these begging random Kadoaties.
See what I mean? These petpets are begging, bribing, and lying. Who could be
behind all of this?
Using careful expert analysis collected, written, and edited by… umm me, the
person who everyone thinks I’m crazy… will attempt to tell the world what is
the cause of all this madness. The ones who are behind this are The Petpet Protection
League. A direct description… that they tell the public is “The PPL reward Neopets
for owning their Petpet for a long amount of time (and never stopping playing
with them!)” This is false because they were so careless that they even made
a grammatical error! I mean they were too busy on their plans to notice a mistake
like that…. Okay, maybe not… but still there’s proof that they are up to something.
What they really do is protect the Petpets yet another bribe, if the neopet
has a petpet attached to him or her for a long time that neopet would do anything
to help out the Petpet… even if the petpet wants to take over the world… Who
are the people who run this bribe anyway? The rulers of the PPL are actually
none other than White Weewoos. But the Weewoos cannot do everything alone. My
guess is that Turmaculus “takes care” of the Petpet who have a tiny thought
in their little minds that taking over Neopia might just possibly be a bad idea.
What about Meepits? They probably do some of the dirty work and the regular
Petpets roam around Neohomes maybe spying on owners (I’m typing this late at
night after all of my pets and their Petpets have gone to sleep). These petpets
have an organized system to take over Neopia and they might succeed… some evidence
this is also sprinkled throughout recent Neopian history.
Does anyone remember about a year ago when all of the petpets disappeared
for a little while? I sure do. My guess is they were summoned to the non-existent
Land of Jelly! Wait, how could they be there if it doesn’t exist? Well, they
were probably on the other side of Neopia maybe? I don’t know where but it was
somewhere… okay!? Anyway, why were all of these Petpets summoned? I’m pretty
sure there was a huge meeting. After all, about a year ago was also when the
PPL was created, as well as several Petpet games randomly shooting up all across
Neopia. I have a bad feeling about this… I’m not paranoid (contrary to popular
belief) they really are out to get us! Would I make this up!?
In a random ten day time span about a week or two ago, so much has happened
around petpets. There were two new Petpet games (no neopet games released in
that time, but very recently a non-Neopet and non-Petpet game was released while
another went to the graveyard). There were also Petpet morphing potions, and
there wasn’t even a petpet day! I smell a conspiracy… wait that’s just my socks,
never mind. There were several things added for the different themed days… simply
because they were themed days. Even on a certain themed day… such as Talk Like
a Pirate Day, just one more neopet could be painted pirate and another one was
updated. Yet no less than five petpets could now be painted! Since there were
two new petpet games added in such a short amount of time, I think another one
will come out some time in the next two weeks. Also, because white Weewoos rule
the PPL, there is most likely going to be a game all about them, probably where
you have to “save” them in some way. That is unless these plans have been put
on hold to have another gigantic petpet meeting and discuss further action in
their plan for world domination. There is also a minute chance of something
else happening. Right before Petpets take over… petpetpets will step in and
cause an infestation! But there are many more Petpets than Petpetpets, so the
Petpets taking over would be a lot more likely, but there is still a small chance.
We still probably have at least another year until we are in danger, so right
now we should calmly panic and figure out what to do in the future.
One idea to help us is to attempt to make Turmaculus allergic to other Petpets.
That way there will still be a population of “good” petpets who will help us.
Something else we should do is increase the security and insurance of our Neohomes
(and make sure that the insurance company covers world domination). Also, if
the Weewoos do a good job of dictating (well, good for the petpets, not for
us!) even with Turmaculus sneezing like crazy, the results can be catastrophic…
so training your pet(s) would be strongly advised… but whatever you do… do NOT
train your Petpet. I think it’s pretty obvious why… Probably the best tip is
to monitor your neopet’s petpet at all times. They could be up to something.
If your pet's Petpet sticks its tongue out at you it could mean, “Petpets are
going to take over and you have no idea or way to stop us!” or it could just
mean, “I’m thirsty”…
As you can tell from the ranting from someone thought of as “crazy”, Petpets
are slowly taking over. There are going to be even more games to help them on
their quest, some more meetings, and eventually a war. I have to go and monitor
three petpets. For everyone else, have a nice day and try not to panic. Much…
Authors Note: This is my first article and I would appreciate any and all
feedback on it :) Feel free to Neomail me any time!