There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 177,117,147 Issue: 319 | 21st day of Storing, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

The Tropical Food Shop and Alternative Uses!


by anjie

--------

Also by chivo

Tired of the food being served in your Neohome every night? Does the feeling seem to linger that the next time you're offered Neowaiian bread, you might gnaw your own tail off? Have you searched Neopia high and low, seeking a taste sensation that will provide a bigger thrill than when you finally dressed your Mutant Kyrii with a purple boa?

Take heart, friends. There is hope for you yet. Beyond the soothing whisper of tropical winds, and not far from where the ocean meets the golden, Mystery Island shores, a tiny shop sits, and within, all the promise of Neopian temptations and treats.

Within this island shack, you'll notice a rather alarming Techo. Ignore him, he's merely the shop keeper, and unless you've spent time with the Island's coconut JubJub tribes, his ramblings won't make the slightest iota of sense. It's the fruit you want to concentrate on.

Yes, I said fruit. What? Not into that healthy stuff? Mumbling about how had you wanted something that provided natural goodness, you would have spent time with Sloth?

No worries. The creative Neopian can always put a positive spin on things. Thus, dear readers, I offer you this. Alternative uses for Tropical Fruit. A guide for those who prefer a good meal from Grundo's diner, but still need an excuse to travel to the west of Mystery Island.

Oyster Salad: Before you start writing me Neomails about cruelty to Neopia's oyster population, please, calm down. The item description clearly states that the Oyster who owned this shell is safe and sound. And buying second hand is always smart, right? If you're not anxious to dig into this little morsel, might I suggest it as a fine decoration for any Neohome? The shell is hard, and should sit firmly on any surface, and those leafy fronds create a replacement for any plant. Think of the dinner conversations that will arise from this nifty addition to your decor!

Glowleaf Melon: Been longing to travel to Neopia's darker regions? Feel a call to the Haunted Woods, or have the lingering feeling that you left your spare Draik Egg in the Gypsy camp? Fear not! Avoid the beasts and shadows that block your way with this fruit. Lighter than a lantern, and providing a flattering jade glow, it ensures that you'll never stumble in the darkness again!

Famous Crab Burger: Like most of you, my pets are reluctant to eat anything that looks like it can run faster than they can. This isn't a thinly veiled insult at the speed those chubby little Draik legs run at, it's simply an observation. Seeing these tasty burgers do seem to have some scuttling life left in them, why not gather a group and organize races? Picture this, ten crab burgers, all scuttling wildly along the beach toward a finish line. Mystery Island tourists would line up to bet on the winner. You can almost envision an annual festival based around this activity, can't you? It opens up an entire new Neopian industry based on crab burger training, and as you all know, I support anything good for the economy like that!

Lesser Bearded Plantfruit: Is your Kyrii depressed? Envious of the fuller, more luxurious manes of hair his or her friends possess? This is the fruit for you. As long as the fruit itself has no objections, all you need to do is harvest the hair, employ some of those industrious little Mystery Island JubJubs to do some weaving, and you've got a hair piece that will be the talk of any group of pets! Please keep in mind, not every Lesser Bearded Plantfruit wishes to have to regrow its luxurious tresses, and without any evidence as to whether this odd treat possesses teeth, I would suggest being very polite about this action.

Squirming Salad: Halloween is never far off, and if you're like me, you're sick of the complaints of spoilt pets who can't chose a costume. This year, I have every intention of draping my Draiks in Squirming Salad and passing them off as Maraquan Acaras. It's affordable, original, and if I'm lucky Captain Threelegs won't notice if I bring them in for free training on Acara Day! A warning, this costume will be most ineffective if your pet happens to already be a Maraquan Acara.

Pickled Eel: The obvious use for this would be to get to the Eel before it's pickled, and pick yourself up a nifty, if slimy new pet. But we're seeking creativity here, people, so might I suggest employing this food as a weapon? Think of the possibilities! Rushing toward that Negg nestled at the base of the money tree, some vicious Chia trying to beat you to it... One 'whack!' with the Pickled Eel, and I'm willing to bet he'll back right off.

Tobbie Fruit: It's multi-colored, it's rounded, and it won't complain if you use it as a Yooyu ball. Those folk at PPL get in such a state about the idea of kicking a petpet around for a game, this seems the perfect alternative. Why not even throw in some extra rules? If the Tobbie Fruit explodes while you kick it, showering your team mates in a translucent, sticky goo, you lose a point!

ErgyFruit: I can understand not wishing to eat these. Something disturbing seems to linger in the notion of eating anything that glows. However, why not use them as a practical joke? Tie the fruit to a string and dangle them outside the window of that smug Quiggle who beat you in the Beauty Contest! If he's not concerned about the glowing, floating objects outside his bedroom window, he'll work out it's you, and no doubt avoid competing with such a lunatic in the future.

Golden Juppie: Another Halloween hint here! Carve a spooky face into your Golden Juppie, light a candle within the hollowed middle, and place it on the steps of your Neohome! (Please note, Scooped-out Juppie innards are NOT to be hurled at pets begging for extra goody bags!)

Felrum Jelly Cube: It's wonderful, it's wobbly, and it's shockingly expensive. If you're the type who is happy to splash out, though, this item is for you! Why not collect several of these gelatinous cubes, invite your wealthy friends over, and play a game of Attack of the Gummy Dice?

Fish Doughnutfruit: If you're able to squash the sides of this azure fruit together and hide the hollowed center, you've got a remarkable impersonation of a priceless Fish Negg! Be the envy of your friends, excite jealousy in your enemies! Warning: The authors take no responsibility for your fate or reputation should friends work out you're passing a squashed fruit off as a rare item.

Cheesy Pineapple Sticks: One of the tropical foods that I think might taste decent. However, if you're still adamant that fruit isn't your thing, why not use this juicy dome as a pen holder? With the Neopian Times avatar so desired these days, everyone and anyone are submitting stories and comics. Don't lose that precious Neopian Times Quill in between articles; stick it between the pineapple sticks, and let it absorb juice until your next article.

Okay, so I'm not suggesting you rush out and buy Tropical foods for any of the reasons listed above. If anything, you should indulge because a healthy Neopet is a happy Neopet! Besides. Anyone who DOES plan to hurl Juppie innards at passers by on Halloween is going to need to be fit enough to run away!

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Illusen the Grey Faerie: Part One
Jhudora gave a contented sigh as she closed down her cloud. "Ah, another productive day," she exclaimed...

by birdqueen804

---------

T4U: Thought for Food
TehamaTeho says, 'Yuck! I'm not eating one of those!'

by sheep_416

---------

Notions and Nonsense
"Lolly Folly"

Concept by patjade

by aimeilee


---------

Fearsome: A Grarrl's Story - Part Two
"Some people... they see Neopets that aren't cute and fluffy and pay them no heed. Typical snobs. Tell you what, I'll adopt you! How's about that?"

by shelleylow



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.