Light Is the New Dark

“Castaway,” you may say, “that is a very severe accusation to make.” In response, I might say, “dear reader, we call Dark Faeries evil without a second thought. Is calling a Light Faerie evil that much different?”

At this point, some of you are undoubtedly shaking your heads sadly. This is most likely because I have presented no evidence as to why I believe Light Faeries are evil. You probably doubt that I possess such evidence. But wait! I do, indeed, have reason to believe that Light Faeries are terribly evil.

Let us start with a popular and entertaining Neopian game. It is known as “Faerie Bubbles.” For those of you who have no idea what this game involves, I shall offer a brief explanation. In this game, bubbles of various elements are placed on a screen and the player is encouraged to destroy these bubbles for fun and neopoints. When four or more of the same type are destroyed, something extra-special happens and the player is encouraged to either jump for joy or groan in sadness, depending on what happens.

I would like to point out that, in this game, light bubble combinations are, quite possibly, the most disappointing and enraging bubble combinations to make.

“But, Castaway,” you are saying now, “light bubbles are listed under the good combinations list!” I reply that, yes, indeed they are. However, that is false information.

Think back to when you last played Faerie Bubbles. More often than not, at one point, you were lured into using a light combination to rid yourself of some pesky air or darkness or earth bubbles. And, having formed this combination, you found yourself with even more air or darkness or earth bubbles, thus causing you to lose the game and miss yet another chance at getting the game’s avatar.

Why does this happen? Very simple. The Light Faerie who controls these bubbles decided to make a joke out of you because she enjoys seeing the look in your face when you see that you now have ten air bubbles in one general area and no hope of clearing the level.

See? Evil.

But that’s not all! Have you ever received a Light Faerie quest? Then you have been asked to retrieve a trading card for a Light Faerie, who for some reason will offer a level boost for it.

At this point, you are probably saying that light faerie quests are arguably the best quests there are, and wondering how I can see evil in this.

Well, you see, dear reader, trading cards are hard to sell. They are often worth several thousand neopoints, but, unfortunately, the would-be seller of these cards is hard-pressed to actually find someone who wants to buy them.

The Light Faerie aims to take as many of these cards off the market as possible. This leads to price inflation for the cards, which results in them being even harder to sell than before. The Light Faerie obviously has it in for the poor, unfortunate people who just want to make a few neopoints by selling trading cards.

And what does the Light Faerie do with the cards, anyway? If you take a look at the Quest Help page, you will see that reasons are given for all the other faeries, save maybe the Faerie Queen herself, who is obviously just looking to restock her shop with her quest items.

But the Light Faerie’s explanation is absent. So we must ask ourselves, what a (supposedly) good and kind faerie would need with trading cards.

Obviously, she is looking to humiliate aspiring players of the Neopian Trading Card Game. With the wide range of free cards she receives from unsuspecting Neopians and her special brand of magic (also referred to as cheating), she defeats these people and goes on to laugh in their faces and prance away.

And the extra levels she offers for these quests? They’re just ploys to make sure you don’t refuse her.

Now, I think that these two things alone are enough for us to gather a mob and drive all the Light Faeries out of Neopia. But some of you will no doubt want more evidence against the unassuming Light Faerie.

So I will direct your attention to the Neopedia Article on Light Faeries.

Let’s start off with the Faerie’s “occupation.” In the article, it’s listed as “ensuring good triumphs over evil.” Doesn’t that seem fishy to you? What kind of person devotes their life to that? Besides, in their quest to triumph over “evil,” these Faeries would have to destroy things! That seems awfully dark and mean to me.

In the same article, two Lupes come across a Bottled Light Faerie buried in the ground. Now, why would someone bury a Light Faerie? Unless... this person discovered the Faerie’s true aims of world domination!

Now, that seems like enough evidence to me. However, someone may well ask why Light Faeries are evil.

Therefore, I will now point you to another Faerie article. This one is entitled, “Jhudora, the dark faerie.” In the beginning of the article, we see this short passage:

"Mum, why are there Light Faeries?"

"Because there are Dark Faeries, dear."

"Why are there Dark Faeries?"

"Shhhh. Or they'll hear you."

Hmm. Now, why would Light Faeries exist just because Dark Faeries exist? Some would say that Light Faeries exist in order to balance out the good and evil in the world. But I say “pshaw” to that.

Simply put, Light Faeries are just a different kind of evil. They’re the kind of evil that is disguised as good.

When Dark and Light Faeries were made, the two types of Faeries decided that the Dark Faeries would be too evil-looking and, as such, easily avoided to bring evil to absolutely everything in Neopia. So they designated Light Faeries as the Faeries to bring chaos – inconspicuously.

However, certain Neopians (such as myself) have seen through the clever guise of the Light Faerie to the evil within. We are making an effort to get rid of this dark force, and we need your help!

So, my kind readers, I urge you to go to your local retailer of Bottled Faeries and purchased all the Light Faeries possible. Then, all you need to do is horde them in your Safety Deposit Box or dispose of them. You may also want to do this with all other Light Faerie merchandise. Everything helps!

Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can rid Neopia of the greatest threat to our peace and happiness – Light Faeries.