"I Flew into a Tree" -- and More Wacky Excuses
NEOPIA CENTRAL – It’s a cloudless morning and a warm breeze ruffles the scattered leaves. Beekadoodles are chirping innocently, their sweet melodies wafting throughout the neighborhoods. However, inside Blue Ridge Neoschool, things are not as cheery.
“That’s three tardy slips, Jimmy,” the teacher says, hands on her hips. “You know what that means.”
The young Neopet groans. He knows exactly what's coming next:
A while ago, in issue 215, I wrote an article entitled, “I Fell off Faerieland” – and Other Wacky Excuses. Since that was nearly 100 issues ago and I’m sure you have used many excuses since then, I thought it would be a good time to prepare a sequel, filled to the brim with more explanations for tardiness.
I don’t encourage downright lying to your teacher, but sometimes there are exceptions. ;) Come on, you don’t want to explain how you lost a sneaker or forgot your backpack or woke up just a little bit too late, correct?
Let me ask you this: how many times have you tried “My Puppyblew ate my homework”? NO MORE. *waves banishing stick* You need something that’s just crazy enough and believable on top of that. Without further ado, I present seven creative and original Neoschool excuses.
Excuse #1 - “I was late for Neoschool because I flew into a tree.”
If you’re not a flier, then simply say you ran into a tree. Or swam into a rock! The possibilities are end—well, really there’s about three or so, but you catch my drift, right? Injuries like these can be serious *ahem*, but think of how far you could go with it! You flew into a tree, fell from the sky, and injured yourself somewhere between the collision and getting to your feet.
It’s the perfect plan. As long as you don’t go into details about how you smacked right into that elm, you should be fine. To make this excuse perfect – wrap a homemade bandage around your head. You’ll act and look the part. ;) Sure, people might call you “Mummyhead” the rest of the day, but it sure beats getting a tardy slip.
Excuse #2 – “I was late to Neoschool because the Eyrie cab flyer got the school address wrong.”
When you said ‘4247 Aisha Avenue’, perhaps your driver heard ‘4247 Alpine Avenue’. Before you can say freezing, you’re whisked off to the peak of Terror Mountain, and that’s one heck of a detour. Whether his hearing isn’t very good or he just wasn’t paying attention, this excuse is perfect for anyone who could possibly take an Eyrie Cab to school.
Make sure to emphasize the mountain itself, how big it is, how unbearably cold it is, and how silly your Eyrie Cab flyer was to get the directions wrong for maximum effect. This goes back to the old saying: When at fault, blame someone else! ^_^
After all, what’s your teacher gonna do, track down the precise Eyrie Cab flyer and see if your story checks out? Pssh.
Excuse #3 – “I was late for Neoschool because my sibling put hair gel in the toothpaste tube so I had to go to the doctor.”
This is a way to expand your “doctor’s appointment” excuse. Brothers and sisters can be naughty sometimes, including such cases as these. Heck, it’s better than getting Cactopus Cream in your toothpaste. Your tongue swells until you can’t talk and the taste is like something that crawled out of the Fungus Caves and you get these horrible, red—okay, okay, you get the point.
After you immediately discovered that the toothpaste was... different to say the least, your owner panicked and took you straight to the hospital. Reassure your teacher that Doctor Gelert said you’d be just fine. However, the little detour you and your owner had to make cut into your first class (this is especially useful if you happen to despise first period).
Excuse #4 – “I was late for Neoschool because I thought it was Saturday and didn’t get out of bed.”
How many times have you woken up and forgotten what the date was on one of those dreary, lousy school days? I know I’m guilty of that at least fifty times in my life. The last time was quite funny, really, but thank goodness it happened over the summer.
See, no one’s perfect. We all make mistakes! Waking up and thinking it’s Saturday morning is an amusing way to start a Friday. The difference is: this excuse doesn’t let you slip back into reality until after Neoschool has started. Not bad, eh?
Excuse #5 – “I was late for Neoschool because I stood in line at the bakery for twenty minutes waiting to order breakfast.”
You know the old saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? It comes in handy for this scenario. By now, Neopians are aware that their beloved world is expanding because more and more people are discovering it. Basic rule: the more of something you have, the more room it takes up.
So let’s say the line at the bakery was horrendous and you go there every morning to get a croissant. You have no choice but to stand in line and simply “wait”. It’s not your fault all of Happy Housing Retirement Center wants baked goods this morning.
Your teacher’s gonna be smart about this one, though. He or she will ask you something along the lines of why you couldn’t just buy breakfast at the Neoschool. Be prepared, because you’ll just launch right into how there was a robbery at the bakery and you had to stay to be interrogated by the Defenders of Neopia. Riveting!
Excuse #6 – “I was late for Neoschool because I had to stay up late babysitting and the kiddies wouldn’t go to bed.”
Baby Neopets are restless. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Trust me, when they’re wired on sugary treats and the adrenaline of Mommy or Daddy not being home, they can be ruthless.
Sleep, as we all know, is very important. Staying up late for whatever reason will likely cause you to want to sleep in more the following day. However, staying up late plus caring for young Neopets will make you want to sleep until noon the following morning. Your teacher will be understanding and I’m betting he or she will say one of those “just don’t let it happen again” lines. Hah!
Excuse #7 – “I was late for Neoschool because I dreamt I was expelled and thought there was no point in getting out of bed.”
Oh, yeah. Your teacher’s gonna be thrilled with that one...
“Well, you see, Mrs. Martin, I was late for Neoschool because the Eyrie cab flyer got my school address wrong,” says Jimmy, twisting the straps of his backpack. “He took me all the way to Terror Mountain before I could tell him I just needed to go four streets over!”
“My goodness!” the teacher exclaims. “That is quite dreadful! I am glad you make it back here safely, despite you being twenty minutes late. Please take your seat.”
Safe! Hiding a smirk, Jimmy takes his usual seat as Mrs. Martin resumes her lesson.
Author’s Note: Thanks for reading. =3