The Note on the Door

     The Scorchio’s ferociously overgrown eyebrows rose as he eyed the small envelope taped to the door of his laboratory. It was the color of parchment, but the writing was not old fashioned. In fact, the letters stating “Dr. Scorchio and Dr. Kookith” were cramped, as though the writer had exhausted its hand composing the letter inside.

     “Oho, Kooky! What do have we here?” the Scorchio wondered aloud, absentmindedly patting his petpet on the head.

     The Kookith responded by jumping up and down a couple of times, his abnormally large ears wiggling as he did so.

     The yellow, er, scientist tore the letter off the door, opened it, and began to read it to himself, his lips moving silently as he followed the writing. His Kookith craned its head (which was basically its whole body) upward, eyes darting across the page as well. And the note read as follows:

     Dear Doctors Scorch and Kooky,

     I am quite sure you are unaware that today will mark the one year anniversary of my mildly insane owner dragging me and my siblings to your lab for the first time. I have undergone three hundred and sixty five days of having my family affected by your two rays, and therefore I have something rather important to say to you. So here it is: Thank you.

     Thank you for turning my sister into a boy and my brother into a girl; I’ll have you know that all of our friends are quite confused. Also, thank you for knocking me back down to a Level One and lowering my defense and strength. I was having too much fun winning battles anyway. Thanks for making me endure the unpleasant sensation of being electrocuted several times with no change to my color, species, or stats; after all there is that saying- all pain, no gain, right? Oh wait... Anyway, thank you for turning all of my siblings colors like clay, coconut, and chocolate, while leaving me a plain old yellow. Oh, and I will not forget to thank you for turning my slightly malicious older sister into an MSP Poogle. Getting attacked in the middle of the night was character building. I think that particular incident was my favorite lab-related event, other than the time I was zapped Darigan. It’s so much fun looking like a member of the Darigan Citadel when you live in Meridell! None of my friends would go anywhere near me for three weeks, until you managed to change me into a Maraquan Shoyru. Then they all had to carry me around in a little bowl, because last time I checked, Meridell isn’t underwater. Although, should Kass ever return, he might want to consider that. If he does, I’ll come running to you- although I’m sure if I needed to be turned into a water based pet, you would zap me into a species that can’t swim.

     Of course, I have so much more to thank you for than that! We must not forget the time when you turned my eight hundred thousand neopoint Goldy into a Pile of Soot. And then you zapped my Pile of Soot into another Pile of Soot. And then my Pile-of-Soot-ed Pile of Soot went under the lab ray again, this time emerging as... drum roll please, a Pile of Soot. And then there was the unforgettable day only a month or so ago when you managed to make my petpet completely disappear. I can’t remember what its name was, though, because you kept changing it every time we came. First it was Rover, then 1337, then Tumbles, then Lollygag... And then I lost track. But at least when I finally talk my owner into buying me yet another eight hundred thousand neopoint Goldy (it might even be nine hundred thousand neopoints by now, seeing as prices have gone up), I’ll have a long list of names from which to choose. Or maybe you’ll just choose one for me. And of course it is most thrilling, now that I do not have a petpet of my own for you to zap, to make the long trek from Meridell to accompany my siblings as you zap one of their petpets, most often leaving the creature quite unchanged. Although there’s always the added entertainment of watching my brother’s Slorg, which you have now made into a Level Seven, break off another part of the staircase every time he makes his way to my brother’s first floor bedroom.

     I think of how my life might have turned out if we had just sold all nine pieces of the Secret Laboratory Map, and I can’t help but laugh (mostly at myself). When I think of all those warnings we ignored- people telling us how disastrous you guys, I mean to say you scientists, could be with your unpredictable lab ray. Thank you, really. I can hardly express how emotional I get when I think of the two of you and your ray. Mark my words, it’s been a year I will not soon forget.

     Signed: If You Do Not Know Who I Am After Reading This Letter, I Sure As Jhudora Am Not Going To Tell You

     P.S. Unfortunately, it seems that I have accidentally talked my owner into never bringing me or any of my siblings or any of our petpets back to the lab ray. Oh dear! I guess that means we won’t be getting zapped anymore! Much regrets.

     The Kookith’s discolored and hypnotic eyes spun crazily around his head, and he looked at the Scorchio, who gave a chuckle. “What a curiously long name! I don’t recall any of our clients going by that... I wonder if they they’re called ‘Iffy’ or ‘Ifyou’ for short...”

     As the Kookith rolled his eyes, the Scorchio unlocked the door to his secret laboratory and marched off toward his ray, utterly befuddled by the contents of the letter he had found on the door.

     The petpet headed to his own corner of the lab, where a much less professional ray waited for him. Even now, owners were dragging their unwilling pets up to the entrance of the not so secret lab, and both scientists (who weren’t really scientists at all) were waiting for them.

     But somewhere in a little corner of Meridell, in a cheery Neohome well off the beaten path, four extremely joyful pets and three extremely joyful petpets were breakfasting with their owner, who was worrying herself over where her Eyrie had flown off to so early this morning.

The End