 Sloth's Takeover! (Er... Well, Lack Thereof)
by sumthingshiny
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Well, it was just like any other day in Neopia. Except, this day was particularly beautiful. Warm sunlight came beaming through the clouds just after a light summer rain. The trees stretched their branches and limbs, dripping with rainwater, towards the blue sky above. The Cybunnies came hopping out of their burrows with a strange curiosity. And, in the distance, there was a faint sound of a faerie Pteri singing its morning song. Each sight and sound was more beautiful than the last. And, with each breath, you could... ACK! What is this!? *zaps the Pteri* *insert cliché Sloth invasion*
[Me] Hey! I am trying to tell a story here! [Dr. Sloth] What is Neopia coming to? This story of fluffy bunnies and singing birds is making me sick! *gags* [Me] I’m trying to write a story that will get into the Neopian Times. What do you think you’re doing?
[Dr. Sloth] Be quiet, you! I am not going to stand by and watch as you turn this place into... into... “Happy Fun World”! Especially after all that I have done to bring about the fall of Neopia. I have invaded almost every aspect of Neopia possible. My latest conquest is the Neopian Times. Since I have already invaded the editorial section, I need a new challenge... user stories.
[Me] But I’m writing this right now. I haven’t even submitted yet.
[Dr. Sloth] That is the beauty of it. I can get you to write whatever I want. Then, when you submit, the Neopets Team won’t be able to tell it’s me until it is too late. Muahahahaha! [Me] You can’t make me write whatever you want in here. [Dr. Sloth] That is why I am going to tie you to a chair, make you ask me this list of questions, which I have prepared myself, and then make you type my responses. *struggling* [Me tied to a chair] x_x [Dr. Sloth] Here’s the list. Now read! [Me tied to a chair] These questions are ridiculous. [Dr. Sloth] Do it!!! *prods you with a stick* [Me tied to a chair] Okay! Fine! How did you become the powerful and respected leader that you are now? [Dr. Sloth] It all started many years ago. I was born to Dr. Ignacious Sloth and Mrs. Francis Sloth... [Me tied to a chair] You were named after your mother? *snicker* [Dr. Sloth] Don’t make those your last words! [Me tied to a chair] Sorry. Continue. [Dr. Sloth] We lived in a small house with ten children. Our house was in the part of town that... [Me tied to a chair] I thought you were an only child?
[Dr. Sloth] If I didn’t need you to submit this... alright now, calm yourself, Frankie boy. Finish the story. We were only a few minutes from Neopia Central. It was considerably smaller back then. And, Adam was only half as smelly. Anyways... Three hours later...
[Dr. Sloth] ... and now I am the handsome, sly, and powerful leader standing before you here today. Hey! Wake up! [Me tied to a chair] Ah! Oh, sorry. Umm... Do you think the monarchy of Queen Fyora is serving in the best interest of the people of Neopia? [Dr. Sloth] No! We Neopians should be able to do whatever we want. Under Fyora’s rule we are forced to follow her laws, and the prices in the Hidden Tower are far too high for any normal Neopian. [Me tied to a chair] What do you propose we should do about this? [Dr. Sloth] Elect me as your supreme ruler! I will discontinue the use of neopoints, so everyone can get what they need and want for free. Also, there will be no more rules. I believe Neopians are smart enough to govern themselves accordingly. [Me tied to a chair] Wait! That would cause mad chaos and Neopians would start to revolt! You could destroy Neopian life as we know it! [Dr. Sloth] I know. Isn’t it beautiful? I can just see it now...
[Me tied to a chair] But how will you rule Neopia if all the Neopians are revolting against you?
[Dr. Sloth] That was not one of the questions I gave you! *whacks you with a pole*
[Me tied to a chair] Ow! Fine... After Fyora is de-throned, what do you plan to do with the... “betrayer”? Fyora is not a...
[Dr. Sloth] I will banish her to the moon of Kreludor! She will be at the mercy of the Space Faerie. And, while the two of them are busy fighting, I will rule Neopia! *maniacal laughter*
[Me tied to a chair] You do know that Fyora and The Space Faerie are friends, right? [Dr. Sloth] Wait... what!? *a puff of pink smoke*
[Queen Fyora] ... Hello, Frank.
[Dr. Sloth] 0_0 ... Fyora! Um, well, you see... er... ahh, hmm. What I meant was... well, you see, ummm. It was all just... um, BYE! [Queen Fyora] Come back here! You’ve got some serious explaining to do! [Me still tied to a chair] Um, hello? Guys? I’m still here. Oh well, now that they’re gone, maybe I can finish my story. Where was I? Ah, yes...
Each sight and sound was more beautiful than the last. And, with each breath, you could feel the warm air enter your lungs and fill you with high expectations for the day. Eonlay, the Shoyru, was getting ready for the day. All of a sudden, she realized something was amiss. “How can I expect to...” CRASH!!!
*twitch* 0_< Guys, please take this outside. I don’t think my neohome and furniture can take anymore. [Dr. Sloth] Fyora, I’m sorry! Can’t you just forgive me? [Queen Fyora] You think you can plot to overthrow me, and then expect to be welcomed back with open arms? HA! I’m not through with you yet! You are never again going to forget who the ruler of Neopia is! *more fighting and chasing* [Me still tied to a chair] You know what? I might as well just give up. They’ve at least moved to a different room. Anyway, back to my story...
“How can I expect to own up in the Battledome, if I don’t have my petpet FuzzyWuzzy with me?” thought Eonlay. She searched all over her neohome, but FuzzyWuzzy was nowhere to be found. Then, she heard a loud noise in the kitchen... SMASH.
[FuzzyWuzzy] Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! [Queen Fyora] Look what you did now, Frank! You scared the walking carpet away! [Dr. Sloth] It’s not hurt! Besides, you’re the one who threw the Darigan Draik Egg at me! [Me] WHAT!? [Queen Fyora] Well, if you had caught it instead of ducking, it would not have hit the wall and smashed into pieces! [Me] 0_0
[Queen Fyora] Oh don’t worry, honey. You can always get another one. And, don’t worry about Slothy here. I’ll take care of him. Besides, don’t you have a story to finish writing?
[Me] *snap!* AHHHH!!! FORGET IT! ENOUGH! FYORA PUT SLOTH BACK IN HIS PLACE AND PROCEDED TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HER BEST FRIEND, THE SPACE FAERIE! AND, THE REST OF NEOPIA WAS NONE THE WISER FOR THE ORDEAL! I WAS NEVER REIMBURSED FOR MY Draik EGG, AND I AM STILL TIED TO THIS STUPID CHAIR!!!! THE END! No meepits were harmed in the making of this short story. However, the same can not be said for my petpets, neohome, furniture, and Draik egg. *sigh* This short story was brought to you by the Meepit Coalition for a Better Neopia TM.
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