Battle Quills... ready! Circulation: 143,499,168 Issue: 300 | 13th day of Swimming, Y9
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The Pain of Getting an Interview on the 300th Issue

by imperial_magna


Also by garu_and_pucca

Good day, readers; it is once again our beloved paper's 100th issue. The turning point of issue numbers from a 2 to a 3. It is the most talked about day by our faithful readers (which of course includes you). Today is the day the 300th Neopian Times has been published! In this bumper issue, we bring to you the best scoop on the famous characters of Neopets by they themselves! YES! You didn't hear it wrongly! They are going to tell you what The Neopian Times has done for them and how they have benefited from the rich content of our paper.

But first things first, please read the following paragraph very carefully:

The interviews which follow do not represent the paper's views and any offensive content is deeply regretted. If you are offended by any of the below content, do not, I repeat, do not call the Neopian Times Hotline. Instead, approach the person who made that comment directly. Thank you.

Now let's move on! We are going to begin with some plot characters which all of you may find familiar. First up, we have Bruno, Sophie and Gilly from the Tale of Woe Plot which happened a few months ago.

Hello to the three of you! How have you guys benefited from the Neopian Times?

Sophie: Guys? Hello, there are two girls here.

Oh pardon me, guys and girls

Bruno: The Neopian Times has actually brought me more fame! Stories published about me showed the macho side of me. *flexes muscles* Take some photos of me. Quick!

Sophie: Brother, stop your nonsense! Now if you'll let me continue, I would like to promote my new product. It's called Sophie's Super Duper Potion. Guaranteed to make you look like what you want yourself to be!

Uh, I think let's let Gilly have a chance to say something; you two got enough publicity.


Okay... I guess they do not seem to be interested in telling us what The Neopian Times has done for them; it's time to move on to our next person! Hannah from the Hannah and the Ice Caves!

Hi, Hannah, would you mind telling us how The Neopian Times has benefited you?

Hannah: Sure thing. It would be my pleasure to do so. Last year, I advertised in the papers that I lost my petpet. She still hasn't been found! I am so very angry with the paper!

I would like to add that the above case is of minority. 99.9% of the people who advertised in The Neopian Times get their desired result. Ahem; we will move on to Doctor Frank Sloth, who specially called us to state that he wanted to appear on our paper.

Dr Sloth: Hello everybody, this is the 300th issue of The Neopian Times. I would like to use this opportunity to say thanks to The Neopian Times for what they have done for the past 100 issues. I found out that it is one of the main reasons I cannot take over Neopia. It only says bad things about me! Therefore I have decided to take over The Neopian Times and call it The Sloth Times.

Thank you Doctor Sloth for your time.

Dr Sloth: Wait! I'm not done yet! I will take over the *cut off*

I didn't realise it was so tough to find someone that will get interviewed in a proper manner. Hold on a second, it's Lightning Lenny from Defenders of Neopia!

Lightning Lenny: Shhh! I am on a case here.

What case?

Lightning Lenny: Missing Kadoatie.

Oh yeah I saw you on the caption contest the other day *laughs out loud*

Lightning Lenny: What do you want with me. Stop with the laughing.

Just wanted to ask you how the Neopian Times has benefited you.

Lightning Lenny: Yeah it provides me with information on where runaway kadoaties are spotted.

*Lightning Lenny leaps forward and grabs hold of a Kadoatie*

Lightning Lenny: Got ya now! Muahaha!

Hannah: Kaddy! So there you are! You bad Lenny, how dare you steal my cute Kaddy! I'm going to report it to the Neopets Police Department.

Lightning Lenny: No wait, I can explain!

I need to find people who can give me real content! People like... Kasuki Lu?

Kasuki Lu: Please interview me, please please please. I have to apologize to the people of Neopia on my rampage the other day. I will return the 972 doughnuts and 3565 chia pops I ate. I'm so sorry!

All right, I give up on these characters. Now let's move on to Neopians! Due to the privacy policy we have, we can only refer to the interviewed Neopians as Neopian A, B, C etc.

Hi, how have the Neopian Times benefited you?

Neopian A: Yes! It's pretty awesome! Good job to the team! Good job.

Hmm, so can you tell us why the paper is awesome to you?

Neopian A: You guys rock! Really. Seriously. Indeed. Rock on!

Ok that's pointless, we now have another Neopian with us!

Neopian B: Is this the Neopian Times? I always wanted to be on it! YES! YES! Do I get a trophy or something? Do I? I always wanted the trophy!

No, you only get the trophy if your work get published in the Times.

Neopian B: What? You mean I don't get anything out of this? You're wasting my time, dude. *walks away furiously*

Perhaps I would like to talk about what Neopian Times has done for me. The Neopian Times has always been something which I look forward to every weekend. It has really cool articles, stories and comics written or drawn by Neopians for Neopians. I would like to thank The Neopets Team for giving me the chance to get published at this 300th issue and the Neopians who contribute to the making of each and every issue with superb content. Without all of you, The Neopian Times would not have been something for all of us to look forward to every week.

We (imperial_magna and garu_and_pucca) would like to wish The Neopian Times a happy 300th issue and may it become even bigger someday.

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