Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 141,362,208 Issue: 295 | 8th day of Relaxing, Y9
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Kiss The Mortog


by ohguesswhat

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Throughout the green countryside of Meridell there are many places to stop by and visit. You could stop at Illusen’s, King Skarl’s, or perhaps pick some berries at Meri Acres Farm. Maybe you are a gamer and plan to play Shapeshifter or Round Table Poker while counting potatoes. Meridell sounds like a nice to place to visit for the common reader, and I bet now most of you are planning to spend the day in this spacious land. But I warn you, that would be a grave mistake. For although this land sounds peaceful and cheery, do you ever wonder why King Skarl is so grumpy and annoyed? Or why Turmy tries to sleep all day, then when your petpet wakes him up, he swallows them so rudely? I wondered. After many days of deliberation the one answer I came to was this one rather annoying game in Meridell. Kiss The Mortog.

In this game you are trying to pick the prince out of a number of mortogs. Every round a mortog is added and the neopoints you can earn increases, as well as the frustration. When you pick the wrong mortog it explodes and you lose all of your neopoints that you have gained throughout the previous rounds. So your dilemma is: should I keep going or walk away with my bag of neopoints? My tips should hopefully help you become a better Kiss the Mortog player.

Tip One: The key to this game is to pick a pattern that works for you. This way you use the same numbers for the same rounds, making it a whole lot faster. If you do this, you aren’t going to spend a minute on each round saying: “OMG which mortog should I pick? *twitch* If I pick the wrong one I am going to lose my high score! AHHH! The pressure! Umm…. eeney, meeney miney... moe...” Trust me, that is the way to stress yourself over a frog with a blue Mohawk. So pick a random number pattern like 1, 1, 4, 2, 4 and just keep repeating it.

Tip Two: This goes hand in hand with the first one. RELAX. It’s only a little game, after all; if you lose, it isn’t the end of the world. Try taking breaks in between rounds with other games that aren’t frustrating for you. I suggest Pyramids or Sakhmet Solitaire, or any other games that you can not lose.

Tip Three: SAVE YOUR NEOPOINTS! This game sucks away your neopoints like you wouldn’t believe. Yes, it is only 50 neopoints per game, but after 20 games you just lost 1000 neopoints. I usually give myself a certain amount of money that once I reach I stop playing the game for the day. Just think, there is no time limit or reason you can’t try for it the next day.

Tip Four: Don’t collect your neopoints unless you get the score you were aiming for. If you collect after every time you play the first round, you are going to gain 50 neopoints. That’s not a good profit and it’s a waste of time. Try to last a couple rounds and sometimes just take a daring chance. You can not get better at the game if you never go for it all. Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky? *wink*

After reading about this game I bet you are wondering why play it at all. I mean, all the frustration and explosions sound so tedious! I have two reasons.

A) Avatar!

Who doesn’t love a new avie? Especially one with a cute little mortog exploding into green goop! This avie will remind you of the enjoyable *cough cough* times you’ve had playing Kiss The Mortog.

B) Trophy!

This is a hard and rare trophy to get. You must get on average 35,000 points to get a first, second, or third trophy. Some people get in the 250,000 point range which is quite impressive. Just imagine winning all those neopoints just from turning frogs into princes! Now, like all closely scored trophies, it is best to play on reset night, also known as the last day in the month, so don’t forget to come on that day and take a try at it!

“For although this land sounds peaceful and cheery, do you ever wonder why King Skarl is so grumpy? Or why Turmy tries to sleep all day, then when your petpet wakes him up he swallows them so rudely? I wondered. After many days of deliberation the one answer I came to was this. Kiss The Mortog.”

I bet you see what I meant by that by now; if not, stop reading this and go play NOW. Just looking at the map of Meridell makes me feel bad for King Skarl. His castle is right next to Kiss the Mortog and I can picture that he gets annoyed when he has to clean the slime off of his stone walls. I mean, the slime has to go somewhere! I can also imagine he’s lost quite a bit of neopoints betting on these mortogs; that’s why he’s so grumpy all the time. So make sure you tell him a joke in hopes of getting his mood a bit more chipper.

Turmy is trying to drone out the sound of the mortogs exploding by its loud snores. These pesky mortogs have given petpets such a bad name in Turmy’s eyes that every now and then when he gets really annoyed he eats one. The only reason I see to thank these obnoxious Mortogs for this is the Turmy avie. I wouldn’t bring a Mortog to attempt to wake him up. Why knows what could happen!?

Conclusion:

If you haven’t tried playing this game before, I do suggest it. It makes me want to pull my hair out and scream sometimes, but when you are successful, it is a very rewarding feeling. Remember, it's all luck, so if you try your hardest and you don’t get it right away, don’t give up. Have fun!

 
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