Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 140,357,144 Issue: 294 | 1st day of Relaxing, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

If Real Life Were More Like Neopets


by cellophane_girl

--------

Neopia is one crazy mixed up place. If some of the things in the real world were the way they are in Neopia, just imagine what things would be like.

Shopping: Shopping would be a completely chaotic experience. You'd have to run in and out of the store checking to see if they had any items. When you see they have finally got some stock in you'd have to make a mad rush to get it before someone else did. Forget making a list, just grab what you can and RUN! Be sure to invest in a good pair of shoes if you plan to do this.

Not to mention you'd only be allowed to buy one item at a time, then be forced to leave the store and start the whole process over.

If you didn't want to do this you could always buy from the mom and pop stores rather than the big companies. Of course this means you are going to pay considerably more... in excess of 500% sometimes. Talk about markup!

Selling: The flip side of the insane price markups is, hey, you could be doing the marking up. In which case, good for you; you ran faster in and out of the store than everyone else. It's not the easiest way to make money, but it's effective.

Games: Oh, wouldn't you love to actually be able to go into an arcade, play a game, and instead of winning worthless tickets, win money? In Neopia you play games and make money. What a wonderful thing. Having fun and making money; not many people in the real world get to do that. Except maybe the people who work for Neopets...

Pets: Can you imagine painting your pet in real life? I'm sure Fido wouldn't tolerate that very well. "Hold still, boy... I know you don't like it, but you'll look so much cooler with stars... hey wait... why are you running away!?!" Yeah, I don't think that'll work.

Then again, your cat, dog, fish, whatever, isn't going to up and talk to you, either. Which is probably a good thing. I mean, if your pets could talk, you'd probably be in trouble.

In Neopia, I think the pets have earned their right to talk. Why, you ask? Well, let me just say, Battledome. That's right. I don't see Fluffy going to war, fighting the neighborhood dogs with nothing more than some snowballs and a plastic knife. But our neopets bravely fight for us.

Travel: Just think of how we travel around Neopia. You can go directly from a warm beach to the top of an icey cold mountain or travel from a prehistoric land to a top notch high tech space station in mere seconds.Go anywhere you want to go, no passport needed. You can even travel underwater, without having to hold your breath! No waiting in line at the airport, no security checks, best of all no packing and lugging around heavy luggage. You can always access your items from anywhere. Which bring me to my next topic, Items.

Items: Who knew rocks could be worth so much money? I imagine if the real world worked like Neopets, then we'd be spending an awful lot of time turning over rocks looking for the mystical symbols that make it a "codestone". No one would work; everyone would just look for rocks all day long. Hey, that might not be a bad idea after all.

Now let's for a moment discuss petpets. This makes perfect sense to me... after all, just last week I bought a goldfish for my cat. It didn't really work out, though. Hey, I thought she could use a new friend; I didn't know she would eat the thing. Petpetpets are even more interesting; don't we usually wash, medicate, and powder our real life pets so they don't get bugs and things? Here in Neopia we shell out tons of neopoints to buy bugs for our pets' PETS. I'm just waiting for petpetpetpets. Anyone want a microscopic bacteria for your pet's pet bug? Sign me up now, man.

Food: How great is the food here in Neopia? Yes, it may cost an arm and a leg, but it never seems to go bad. I've had some bananas in storage for over 2 years, and they are still as fresh as the day I bought them. I don't know what they put in the food here, but boy is it ever amazing.

Clothes: There is a huge difference between Neopia and the real world. In the real world we wear clothes; what do we do with them in Neopia? No really, I'm asking, what do we do with them? I just let them sit around in my safety deposit box hoping one day they will be of use.

Now that I've mentioned safety deposit box... How many banks in the real world would let you store so much... well... junk? I've got at least 500 snowballs in my deposit box. I'm pretty sure my bank wouldn't tolerate that, even if I was some super rich eccentric. "No, ma'am, I'm sorry, ma'am, you just can't keep those here anymore... Why? Well, I do believe it's too warm in here to keep such items; the other patrons are a little tired of withdrawing soggy money from the bank..." Not to mention I'm sure I would be in a rage at the loss of my precious snowballs due to global warming.

Let me just say that I'm glad Neopia and the real world are so different. It's good to be able to escape the real world for a while. It's nice to meet new people on the message boards or hang out with your guild members. No real worries or cares. The biggest issue is saving money for a lab map or a paint brush for your pet. Just remember, for as much fun as Neopets is, it's just a game; there are no life or death matters. So you don't have a lot of NP. Do some of the above mentioned things to earn some or stop complaining. Have fun. That's what Neopets is all about!

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Bees' Kneez
Warning: This doll is not a toy.

by looweez

---------

Little Orby
Fyora Day Special!

by tashni

---------

Silly Paws!
My, what tasty Neopets you have!

Also by polar_falcon

by pirate_ahoy


---------

Secrets and Shadows: Part Five
"You mean to say that because you lost your way, you led the Meridell ambassador through the dregs of the keep all night long, while every officer, soldier, maid, and kitchen servant scoured the Citadel looking for the two of you..."

by dragonlover8560



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.