Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 139,732,769 Issue: 292 | 18th day of Hunting, Y9
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I Command Thee To Attach!


by ayame_23

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You’ve been in front of the computer screen for well over an hour. Your fingers are going numb, your eyes are crossing, and you’ve been lulled into a sense of extreme displeasure. You can now name every item in your inventory and know the exact position of your petpetpet, seeing as how you’ve sought it out in the crowd of junk items, waiting for the moment when the page would load again and said petpetpet would be nowhere to be seen. You’d rejoice for that moment, knowing that, unless the Pant Devil had paid you an unexpected and unwanted visit, the petpetpet had finally attached.

You’ve been sitting here for hours, hitting the refresh button until you’re nearly ready to actually go outside, somewhere you haven’t seen in awhile.

But wait! Don’t get up yet. That’s what we’re here for. Have you ever stopped to wonder if maybe your petpet just isn’t that appealing to your new petpetpet? Hey, they have a right to be picky too. They may not have a league of people watching their rights to make sure they’re treated equally, but petpetpets definitely don’t want to attach to any old, plain petpet. When looking for new homes sometimes they do search for the extravagant, the wild, and the fun, and maybe your petpet just doesn’t take the cake yet for those categories, but, after this, they certainly will.

After some extensive researching, we’ve compiled a list of how to make your petpet more alluring to petpetpets. Hopefully, once you’ve read this, you’ll no longer never want to look at your item inventory again. Just follow these steps, and to petpetpets looking for a prospective home, your petpet will be much more appealing.

Step 1:

Stop bathing your petpet. Honestly, what petpetpet would want to attach to a petpet who bathes frequently? Your petpet may want to be clean, but your future petpetpet wants a home, not a new pool where a safety raft is not included. This may cause some problems with your pet, who will have to put up with the petpet following him around emitting a peculiar and not so sweet smell, but he’ll be thankful in the end when he has two new pals to play with.

Step 2:

If your pet and petpet like to have fun in the sun and lounge on the beaches of Mystery Island, this may not be appealing to a petpetpet. Occasional bouts in the sun are fine, but if your petpet practically lives under those shining rays, a petpetpet is probably going to be leery of attaching. After all, he’s not attaching to your petpet to work on his tan. So stay inside for awhile. That’s what neohome are for. Or at least find an umbrella for the poor little guy.

Step 3:

Sorry if your petpet is a beauty queen, but it’s time to put away those brushes and stop worrying about that shiny mane, because petpetpets do not find being run over by the bristles of a comb very attractive. They may be small, but they have feelings too, and being brushed just doesn’t feel good, nor does it do any good for the homes they’ve made. Results from brushing could also be much more dangerous than just that. What if one day you go to brush, and, when you look back, no more petpetpet? Someone’s petpet is going to be very distraught when he learns his new friend is gone. So no more grooming for a while.

Step 4:

Eat sloppily. Yes, for the very first time, encourage your petpet to be a slob when he eats. This is to let your future petpetpet know that there will always be food on his table, and he’ll never have to worry about an empty belly. Remember, petpetpets are tiny, so they don’t take much, but you want to make their aspects promising. Splurge a little. It’s not like your pets and petpets don’t deserve it anyway.

Step 5:

Make sure your family comes across as a very loving group that is very excited about getting a petpetpet in the family. That means you’re going to have to lay off on playing Itchy Invasion for awhile. Zapping petpetpets into oblivion for high scores and neopoints may be fun, but it will definitely scare petpetpets away to see that their possible owners don’t have much affection for their cause. They won’t understand what’s so wrong about them wanting a home on unsuspecting petpets.

Step 6:

Avoid buying toys for your pets and petpets that resemble petpetpets. If a petpetpet waltzes into your neohome and sees a Rubber Mozito Bone with deep gnaw marks in its material, that little fellow is going to be worried about his own neck. Not to mention the way he’ll feel when his eyes stray to the Springy Mootix Toy, and his imagination conjures up an image of your pets dangling him from a string and batting away. He wants to be appreciated, not used for your own amusement.

Step 7:

Most importantly, get a petpetpet that matches your petpet’s personality. If you have a petpet that loves to flit around in the clouds, make sure your petpetpet isn’t afraid of heights. If your petpet likes to romp around all day, filled with an inexhaustible amount of energy, make sure your petpet doesn’t get motion sickness. If they’re going to be buddies for a long time, you want to make sure their personalities don’t clash, or you could end up with some pretty unhappy campers on your hands.

Well, there you have it. Now maybe you’ll have better luck when you go to attach a new friend to your petpet once they’ve seen how suited your petpet is to their needs. Remember, these steps are only mandatory to follow up until the petpetpet attaches. Once the little critter has made himself at home, feel free to go back to your old ways. If the petpetpet is truly meant for your petpet, he’ll find a way to adapt.

 
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