The most fantastic thing in the universe! Circulation: 139,341,920 Issue: 290 | 4th day of Hunting, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Neoschools: Where Is TNT Hiding Them?!

by jeanaet


Have you ever wondered why our beloved TNT still has yet to open the Neoschool? They have given shops aplenty and desks and everything for the sake of us going to Neoschool. But where is the school itself? Sure, everyone enjoys imagining it in their minds, but WHERE IS IT?!! Well, being the genius that I am, I shall answer why our beloved TNT procrastinates the first day of Neoschool.

No, my friends. It is not because they are intelligent in their dislike for school. It is not because there is no other place on the map for a school. It is not because they think many of our pets are already well learned. It is not because they enjoy making us suffer with impatience. No, my friends. It is not because of these reasons.

For the true single owner reporter experience, I dragged all seven of my darling pets on my quest to find the truth of why no one has heard any news of the Neoschool opening. First, I questioned the common Neopians of... Neopia.

In my interviewing, I came upon many different Neopians with many different ideas on the subject. There were the sane ones. And so it began.

Jeanie: So. Tell me, Chase - may I call you Chase? There have been some questions going about concerning why the Neoschool has yet to be opened. What is your opinion of this, how does it make you feel?

Chance: My name is Chance but okay go ahead and call me Chase =P Neoschools eh? They first were announced a few YEARS ago but still haven't opened. Personally I think the neoschool idea was going to be a failure. I mean who wants to go to school anyways? They should stay closed indefinitely!

Jeanie: Fascinating views. But why do you think TNT is taking so long? What are they keeping from us?

Chance: I believe that TNT is trying to keep us uneducated so that we don't start attempting to take control of Neopia. Seriously.

Jeanie: Um. Thank you, Chase.

Chance: Chance.

Jeanie: Right.

And yet another theory, my friends. Does TNT fear a revolution? A takeover? (Ailemea: That’s baloney. – SSSHHHHHH!!!) Anyways. Then we had the slightly less sane people.

Jeanie: SO, tell me - what are your views on why the Neoschool has yet to be opened? What is TNT keeping from us? What are your feelings on it?!!

Anonymous: There is definitely something fishy here. What is a society without education? How can a government that claims to rule benevolently over Neopia withhold such a fundamental right?

Ah. Could this curiosity be on purpose? Is TNT indeed withholding our ‘fundamental rights’? Perhaps they are convinced of a takeover. And then, we had the not-so-sane interviewees. Miss Kinn even burst into tears of fear at the thought of her own words.

Kinn: I think that the teachers are all secret minions of Sloth and that TNT can’t find anyone that isn’t working for Sloth.

Another interesting case. Is our old rival, Dr. Frank Sloth, still attempting to end us? After his constant defeats, is he still out there? Perhaps we will never know.

My family and I returned to our home, and I admit I was rather put out that no one cared about the fact that there was no Neoschool. One lady had even said, ‘Don’t know don’t care’ – is this what our society has come to? Has the absence of education indeed dulled our senses so that we no longer care?

“No worries, Jeanie,” Ailemea, my blue Xweetok, cried with a pat on my back. “Articles just aren’t your thing. Or maybe it is that horrible subject you picked. Honestly, everyone knows the real reason for no Neoschools and it isn’t any paranoid daydream.” I looked at her with interest, my notepad and pen back in hand.

“And what is that?” I asked her, but my question was interrupted by a cry from one of my beloved pets.

“Jeanie, look!” Shuibee called and I dashed to his side. A note was in his paw with a messy scrawl. It read:


I knew I was onto something. Ailemea tried to talk me out of my quest, saying that we received those notes monthly from pets that disliked the idea of learning to read and write, multiply and divide, run and swim. I didn’t hear. The note was to me – warning me to write nothing concerning the Neoschool! I would not be dissuaded!

With a peck on each of my pets’ foreheads, I was out the door once more, leaving them with instructions to brush their teeth and fur before going to bed and Ailemea was in charge until I got back. I dashed down the walk to the road and as is my habit, patted the mailbox for luck. It rattled. Interested, I opened it and found a note inside.

Miss Jeanie, the plot for you and your pets’ future is at these coordinates. Please bring the price we agreed upon.

I didn’t know who it was from, I didn’t know how they knew me, but I was sure that I had found where the future Neoschool was going to be built! Success!

“Ailemea!” I called, and dragged her from the house, once again reminding my pets to brush their teeth and fur before going to bed like the wonderful owner I am. When some complained, I threatened to leave Isaerios the Shadow Xweetok in charge – the complaining ceased and Ailemea and I flew away down the street.

We arrived at the place on the map that was with the note. The little red X shone brightly, just as I’m sure my eyes did. Until we reached the spot.

“I tried to tell you,” Ailemea grumbled. I sighed. Once again I was unsuccessful. The chocolate palace that was being built in front of my eyes was no Neoschool. It was just Ailemea’s birthday present.

We walked slowly home. Then I remembered.

Jeanie: Ailemea, what is your opinion on the fact that TNT has yet to open our Neoschools? Has yet to even build them?

Ailemea: It’s simple, Jeanie. There is no point to Neoschools. Many pets – like Xweetoks for example – are born with the ability to read. Those unable, such as Grundos and Yellow Skeiths (-collective shudder-) scarcely have a chance anyways. Also, the cost would be abominable. All those books that the schools would have to buy because they continue to vanish. What happens when you read your notes? POOF! (She emphasized this with a wave of her paws.)

Jeanie: I see. That is an interesting-

Ailemea: And not just that. If they decided to tolerate the costs, it would be worthless learning anything because every day is practically a holiday. No school. They couldn’t keep everyone except the certain concerned pet in school, because then the certain concerned pet would have none of its friends and likely its family. It would be pointless.

And so, after a long day of investigating, I retired to my pen and paper with these thoughts. Perhaps the reason is that our teachers are all minions of Sloth, perhaps TNT is afraid of takeover, or perhaps – even as Ailemea said – we just wouldn’t have time for school. Maybe TNT will open Neoschools sometime or other, maybe they won’t.

I suppose, my friends and readers, we will never know.

Thanks to italiancoffee, thatwasyourlastdate, kinnfinallygotfrozen, and Ailemea.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Heavenly (And Not So Heavenly) Sleep!
Find out which beds are perfect for you and which beds you want to avoid!

by lurking_and_giving


The Portrait: Part Two
Some sat in chairs, awaiting the auction in silence. Others spoke in circles and pairs, in whispers and sighs, of Mrs. Prynn and her extensive collection. There was one in attendance who stuck out from the rest...

by really_awesome_d00d


Misplacing Meepits
We would have to resort to Drastic Measures. (Capital letters and all.)

by daymarket


The Altador Cup
Should this be a sign that the Altador Cup Committee is saying that the Altador Cup will be running annually now? Time will tell...

by jockylocky

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.