Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 138,839,046 Issue: 287 | 13th day of Eating, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

WANTED: AVATARS!


by zooksie

--------

Neopians everywhere are panicking. Neohomes are in utter havoc due to the paranoia and worry.

Everyone is asking...

Where are the avatars?

The frequency of avatar releases has dramatically decreased in the past months.

In the month of March alone, only two avatars have been officially released. One of them a plot-related avatar, and the other being the Daily Dare avatar.

Being Neopia’s greatest addiction, with around 85% of Neopians claiming they are avatar collectors, this sudden epidemic has caused countless repercussions. The Neopian economy seems to have gone down. Stocks are fluctuating more than a stormy sea. Hundreds of Neopians seemingly vanish spontaneously for unknowable reasons. The loss of avatars has created a major crisis!

And in this light, our team of investigators has come up with the idea to find those avatars! We are convinced that they can’t have just disappeared. So here we have compiled a list of possible suspects of the avatar-napping.

1. Chef Bonju

One of the most elusive avatars yet. The Chef Bonju avatar was released in August on Blumaroo Day, and until now, no one has been found to have the avatar. We have our suspicions that the sly orange Blumaroo may have been frustrated that no one was displaying his face on the NeoBoards. Consequently, we believe he could have hoarded the yet-to-be-released avatars until his own would be unlocked. The Chef has been seen mysteriously cooking up strange brews in his pot, and witnesses have claimed to see some peculiar shiny square bits go in that bubbling mess. For now, we can only assume.

2. Aristotle A. Avinroo

More commonly known as AAA or The Games Master, this hefty-headed Blumaroo is another candidate of suspicion. We don’t know why Blumaroos seem to be populating our list, but other than that, there seems to be no known connection between AAA and Chef Bonju. Although, similar to Bonju’s possible motives, we believe that Aristotle may be bitter for being beaten countless times by Neopians--and this Daily Dare is not the first time he’s been foiled. This experience, we believe, may have led Aristotle to drastic measures of revenge. We think he may have started the plotting long before the Daily Dare began, explaining the lack of avatars previously. It is also no wonder that he would release his own avatar, but still keep the secrets to its unlocking unsaid. We happened to interview Aristotle’s little sister, Abigail, and the sweet Aisha assured us that her egomaniac of a brother, if ever he were guilty, would surely return the avatars to their rightful place soon. She says that Aristotle A. Avinroo is not one to play a trick for long. In the case of AAA’s guilt, we can only hope that what Abigail says is true.

3. Sloth

Because he’s like that--enough said.

4. The Phantom Orange Shirt Guy

You may have seen this mysterious staffman during one of your casual gaming sessions. He appears in innumerable flash games and is said to have coded said games. He is on this list particularly because we believe he may be prone to jealousy. He may be disheartened that his games are not receiving as much attention as they should be. He was overheard mumbling once about Adam having more neopoints than him, and how Adam’s avatar was--well, the exact words cannot be printed in the Neopian Times, so we will just say that he didn’t like the idea of Adam’s infamous sneaky avatar. It is easy to draw the conclusion that the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy is a little envious of Adam’s position. Thus, in an attempt to ruin the image and name of the creator of Neopia, the Phantom Orange Shirt Guy is also suspected of stealing the avatars. Let this be a plea right now. We love your games, we play them every day, thrice a day, more than that, too, if we’ve joined the World Challenge. Just please give us back our avatars!

Thank you.

5. Adam

The man with the 11,070,786--Adam is a Neopian programmer who manages different facets of the site. This sheer power is the main reason he is on this list. What Adam wants, Adam gets. And if Adam gets pwned at avatar collecting, well, you can just fill in the blanks. Although it is quite unlikely that he is guilty, Adam is under constant surveillance by our team. If you would like to aid us, be sure to visit the Neocam.

6. Jhudora

This is a longshot, but did any of you wonder why Jhudora tried to hide the giving away of her avatar on Jhudora Day? Uh-huh. We thought so.

7. Snarkie and the Kadoaties

First Blue Draik Eggs, now Vinaroks! Could the avatars have been victims, too? The hungry little critters who populate the Kadoatery are an infamous gang of abandoned Petpets. They are intermittently hungry (around every 30 minutes or so) and their leader, Snarkie, seems to be incredibly particular with them. We have even heard rumors that Snarkie can speak and understand their language, even hear their thoughts. It’s not too farfetched an idea that Snarkie may have used her Kadoatie army to invade and collect the avatars. She has opportune time when the lights go off in the Kadoatery. And also, there may be a link between the new “5-minute pend” and the fact that the avatars have vanished. 5 minutes is ample time, between pends, for the Kadoaties to attack and snatch the avatars. One of the prime Kadoatie suspects is chibikadoatiekawaiibaka. He used to go by chibi_kadoatie_kawaii_baka. Now why would his name change so suddenly? Only mere speculations at this point. The grave downside to this theory is that if the Kadoaties did do it, we may never see those avatars again. With their insane appetite for the wildest things, we are afraid the avatars may never be found again.

8. The Meepits

The last suspect on our list--or group, more accurately. The Meepits are basically a huge mystery as of now. Their affiliation with the Feepits is also very vague. Although a previous Neopian story of the long-lost Meepit diary may shed some light on their nature, much about this juice-loving species is yet to be uncovered. It is because of the pure mystery surrounding these creatures and the fact that many seem to claim they have a diabolical plot against Neopia that we have added them to our list. If ever they are guilty, it seems very difficult to be able to negotiate with them. Their motives are unclear, their language is indistinguishable, and their pinkness is just indescribable. We just hope that the Meepits do have a kind heart and that if they are caught they return the avatars to their rightful place.

Now the aforementioned are just some of the current suspects in the theft of the Neopian avatars. Other characters being looked into include Fyora (yes, the Faerie Queen herself), Mika & Carassa, Darigan, and more. We hope this article has enlightened you and that you may possibly help us in the search for the real culprit. We need your help to find those avatars! We need your help to bring them back! We need you to save the avatars, save Neopia!

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Razzle Dazzle - Episode XI
Already she has managed to insinuate herself...

by khestrel

---------

Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Witchcraft
"Well, congratulations for making it to Woodfen," the blue Ixi drawled. "Unfortunately, we’re having a bit of a witch problem at the moment..."

by nimras23

---------

Pterrific
What's wrong with asking for directions in the Deserted Tomb?

by tropical_tweety6

---------

Feepit Frenzy #2
Sweet!

by fariy287



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.