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The DiamondEyez Review - All About Unknown Diseases


by goldenpaw

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So, my snazzy headline has drawn you to enlighten your mind of these unknown diseases? I should think so. After all, the illnesses of which I speak can affect any pet, at any given time. For example, if you’ve ever observed in your faithful companion things like uncharacteristic jealousy accompanied by sunburn and a greenish tint to the hair and eyes, you might have a case of Chlorophyllius on your hands. I can hear the skepticism rolling off your tongues. “What? The Neopian Hospital has never mentioned any disease like that!” Well, believe you me, these conditions are rare to come by, but they can affect your pet and you need to be prepared to deal with them, since the hospital can barely diagnose these cases, much less treat them. So grab a notebook and pen, sit back, and prepare to learn about five Neopian diseases you’ve never heard of.

Fleetfeet:

This first condition is actually fairly common to pets across Neopia. The symptoms are usually so mild, however, that the owner won’t detect anything wrong. Let me explain… Fleetfeet is both a mental and physical disease, in the fact that it starts in the mind and then proceeds to affect the feet, paws, or hooves. It starts when the pet begins to think that the place in which they live is dull or boring. This unhappiness with their surroundings turns into paranoia and before long, Fleetfeet can develop so fully that the pet loses conscious control of their feet and is literally running away! The immune system usually takes this disease down before it gets anywhere so drastic, however. If you suspect your pet of Fleetfeet, wait twenty-four hours just to be sure that he or she won’t overcome it without intervention. If symptoms still occur, forcibly tie your pet to a chair and recall with them the good times you have had together in wherever it is that you live. This should cure all your Fleetfeet problems in no time!

Inventive Cranium Disorder:

Inventive Cranium Disorder, more commonly referred to among unknown disease specialists as ICD, is the result of a strained imagination. An overly imaginative pet uses this part of its mind so much that it has a breakdown and the afflicted creature will therefore think that anything it creates is real. Its most common forms are in pets that think they are other species or colors than they actually are. However, ICD patients can go to such extremes as to think that they are popular authority figures or have traveled to nonexistent, but gelatinous worlds. They cannot be convinced that their mirages are only a falsehood until the disease has run its course and is out of the system. There is no cure for Inventive Cranium Disorder, although it does eventually shut itself down with time. This time period can be anywhere from three days to seven years, depending upon the severity of the case, as well as the patient’s age, breed, gender, and current state of living. How to prevent your pets from the wretched ICD? The answer is simple! Get their minds off their imagination when they seem to be overusing it. Take them for some ice cream, hold a conversation with them, or buy them something extremely expensive and useless… The methods are endless.

Gillsintummy:

“Oh, yuck! Was that butterfish that my prized Poogle just spat up?” The answer is yes… Butterfish, breadfish, scrawnyfish, lesser spotted fish… That Maraquan food just doesn’t seem to agree with his stomach! But why? He’s never had a problem up with it up until now. And wait! His temperature is a bit low and his skin seems somewhat scaly… Aha! That precious show dog of yours has come down with what is called ‘Gillsintummy’. This is a rare form of the stomach flu that results from too much underwater fishing or from eating too much Maraquan fish. Your pet will proceed to throw up any fish you try to force down its throat, look a little seasick and even in some cases, take on a scaly tone to the skin. You’ve found out the problem, but how do you deal with it? Try a little ‘surf and turf’ without the surf- but be sure to keep foods light on the stomach. Chunky meat stew, Lenny vegetable soup, sausage and pepperoni omelettes, organic mushrooms… Things like this. Also be sure to keep your pet away from any large bodies of water during the illness and a little while after recovery. This will make Gillsintummy much worse!

Chlorophyllius:

Got a pet with a green thumb? Watch out! This could turn literal! Neopian creatures that spend too much time outside, among the plants and soil, can develop a disease known as Chlorophyllius. Though this illness is rarely ever formed, once one pet has caught it, it is highly contagious through airborne bacteria! Whenever Chlorophyllius actually is seen, it is recorded in the masses! Outbreaks of Chlorophyllius tend to be seen among neighborhoods, where resident gardeners tend to get a bit too competitive. But wait? What are the symptoms and how can you cure yourself or your pets of this disease? Once afflicted, pets will start first by being especially sunburnt. Then the reddish tint will slowly turn green. Once their coats and skin are affected, their eyes turn green as well. Extreme jealousy will often occur. How do rid someone of Chlorophyllius? It’s fairly easy, but it takes some time. Firstly, pets with this illness should not be allowed outside and should be allowed near as little sunlight as possible. They should also take a nice soak in an ice cold tub of water once a day to rid themselves of the plants’ toxins. Continue this for anywhere between nine to fourteen weeks. Also, while fighting off Chlorophyllius, be sure to stay away from any earth, sun, or plantlike items- including food with earthen or vegetative components.

Pharmospitals:

Our fifth and final disease is… Pharmospitals. Pharmospitals is an extremely unfortunate disease to come down with because it is so hard to diagnose. A pet with Pharmospitals feels, looks, and acts exactly as they normally do. So what’s the problem? The problem is that this disease controls the imaginative part of the mind, much like Inventive Cranium Disorder. However, Pharmospitals does only one thing to the brain. It allows the pet to invent so-called ‘rare’ diseases that in fact do not exist. The only problem is that the pet fully believes that these sicknesses are real and can cause harm to society. Can you only imagine what damage a pet under the influence of Pharmospitals could do? The chaos and confusion that would come from telling the world that such obviously made up ailments actually exist! Ugh. I shudder to think. There is no known cure for Pharmospitals and Neopian scientists are not struggling to find one. Why? Because they are too busy trying to mend all the damage that pets with Pharmospitals cause! They have to go about and reassure everyone that these diseases don’t exist. Why people would listen to that pet in the first place is beyond me! But what would I know?

Well, that’s it! After reading this article, you can surely detect any one of these diseases and hopefully treat it with care. Don’t forget to spread the word about these unheard of illnesses. It’d be a shame for a pet to get any of those five and have it go undetected! Of course, this review should most definitely not be used in place of an actual doctor or hospital care. The above mentioned conditions are not the only harmful diseases in Neopia, so precaution should be taken anytime that your pet is acting strangely or sickly. Once again, this is not a medical journal and therefore the DiamondEyez Review is not held accountable for any affects of our remedies. Happy doctoring!

 
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