The Whacking Addiction
Hi everyone! I’m Dizzy, but you can call me Dizz! Now I know everyone (except TNT) loves Whack-a-Staff Member. But is it possible to like it TOO much? Is it possible that you enjoy the game so much, you get a new high score on it every day? But even if it is possible, how DO you tell if your pet is addicted to the game? But who tells you? Simple! A hyperactive blond haired girl who is obsessed with the game and is called Dizz! (If you didn’t pick it up already, that’s me!) These are my experiences; I shall never forget them. The dead giveaways and the things you just missed. Of course, if it turns out your pet has never experienced anything that is featured in this article, you are lucky. If this is the case you can... eat... asparagus or something.
1. You catch them buying “Mallet Polish. For extra hurt!”
Dizz: Yep, it happens to me. You give your pet some neopoints and you find them haggling for “Mallet Polish” and shouting “THAT’S THE BIGGEST SIZE YOU’VE GOT!?!” at a frightened shopkeeper who’s selling a mallet which is bigger than you are! In this situation it is best if you calmly tell your pet that there is more to life than hurting TNT and um... I don’t know... YOU’VE GOT TO DO SOME OF THE WORK YOURSELF, YOU KNOW!
Lexi: OK. Just by wanting a big mallet doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with Whack-a-Staff Member. I was buying it for the Battledome; how do you expect me to beat Chiazilla with a Wet Snowball and a Cobrall Dagger?!
2. Instead of sleeping hugging a plushie, they sleep with their mallet.
Dizz: Yes, some Neopians put up with this problem. Especially me. You’re in your most comfortable chair with the Neopian Times and a big cup of hot borovan out of your favorite mug (the one with all the avatars on it!) when you hear a yell. “DIZZ! Where’s my mallet?!” You have to put the Neopian Times and borovan down on the table, get out of your chair, pick the mallet off the kitchen table, go to your pet's room, give them the mallet and wish them good-night. It’s tedious and it happens a LOT. You may have your suspicions for a while, until you're back in your favorite chair with the Neopian Times and a lukewarm/cold cup of borovan. In this situation I suggest getting another, bigger, warmer cup of Borovan and keep reading... fix this problem later.
Lexi: the mallet is made out of plushies. And why be like everyone else and hug a plushie when you can hug a mallet! I mean, is a little plushie or a big mallet going to keep nightmares away!
3. You can hardly read/write this article because your pets mistook you for Poptart.
Dizz: It happens, and when it does, you better run and hide. A way to avoid this is to remind yourself to not buy blond hair dye. This is important if you want to avoid brain damage. (I’m natural purple!) In this situation (if all else fails) run and hide in a place Poptart never would. Like... Jelly World! Which doesn’t exist! Yeah! Hide in Jelly World! They’ll never look there! Because it doesn’t exist! :P
Lexi: I didn’t know it was YOU OK? Plus, it was the featured game! Don’t you want a Faerie Queen Doll for your birthday?! Besides, you’ve already got brain damage for even MENTIONING a nonexistent place like Jelly World. Plus, Adam is easier to hit. 1 asparagus equals 1947426278 hits times 3 points equals... 5842278834 points! Yes! New high score! And a FQD!
4. You don’t DARE wear orange.
Dizz: This speaks for itself really. You are SO afraid about wearing orange around the house. I am. I wear purple all the time now. In this situation, wear a different color or if orange is your favorite color, start tie-dying! Tie dye is cool. And TPOSG wouldn’t wear tie dye... or at least... I don’t think he would.
Lexi: Oh, come on, people! Do you really think we’re dumb enough to mistake a blond teenaged girl for TPOSG? Get real.
5. The time you dyed your hair brown and wore a sparkly T-shirt to go to the Chocolate Ball, your pets followed you the whole way with mallets.
Dizz: *is frightened* maybe wearing that sparkly blue dress would have been a better idea. If this happens then I suggest running for your life and carrying a different color T-shirt in a bag.
Lexi: That was because she rejected my comic! Stick figures ARE artistic and creative!
6. Your pet is reading a book on the history of Whack-a-Staff Member.
Dizz: If this is the only thing that your pet is doing in this list, then you shouldn’t need to worry. Unless...
Lexi: Yeah. It’s a great book! And we, uh... have to read it for history class.
7. Your pet has WRITTEN that book.
Dizz: Okay. NOW you can worry. Really worry. Really REALLY worry!
Lexi: No comment.
8. You didn’t think it possible but the high score sheet says you have gotten over eight billion points on Whack-a-Staff Member.
Dizz: Creepy. You can only achieve this in two cases; if you’re really, really, really, REALLY (continues for 3 hours) good at Whack-a-Staff Member, or if you have SERIOUS anger issues. If neither of these is true, then your pet is obsessed with the game. Or have two or even all three symptoms. My pets are all three. I suggest taking advantage of TNT’s amnesia and make them think that YOU'RE in charge of Neopets! :)
Lexi: I HAD THAT IDEA FIRST! TNT! WORK HARDER!!
9. Poptart was rushed to the hospital with head injuries.
Dizz: You're walking along, minding your own business, when TNT rushes past screaming with a knocked-out Donna. You later find out she is in the hospital for the next few weeks. Suspiciously, your pet comes home VERY pleased with themselves. If this happens I suggest go to the hospital and give Donna some rowzez and a card. (Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t remember you, your pet or who she is... or starts screaming the instant she sees you and hides.)
Lexi: It was an April Fool’s prank that got seriously out of hand. I didn’t think she’d fall for it twenty-seven times!
10. You don’t remember owning (or there existing) a “Please, STOP HITTING US!” avatar.
Dizz: As much as I love avatars, for some reason I feel a strange foreboding about this one. Like the “I beat up the Snowager!” avatar I got last week. I think the best thing to do is to make your pet go down to TNT headquarters and apologize. RIGHT NOW!
Lexi: MAKE ME. Plus, I did you a favor! You now have two avatars no-one else in Neopia has!
Dizz: *thinks for five seconds* WEEHEE!
11. Snowflake keeps rejecting your articles and comics even though she was on the floor, LAUGHING when she read them.
Dizz: And when you go down to TNT headquarters to TRY to give Snowflake your article they all dive under the desks. If you listen closely you can hear them whisper “Is she gone?” “Does she have a mallet” “Has she brought Lexi with her?” The only way you can get them out is by saying, “I didn’t bring Lexi or the mallet with me.” And even then some are suspicious or even holding asparachucks... In this situation, at least try to convince TNT that you're not going to hurt them. Also, it is a good idea to ground your pet when you get home.
Lexi: They’re ARMED now?! Alright! A challenge!
12. The mallet has greatly increased in value.
Dizz: And TNT has taken to working under their desks.... I’m pretty sure I know who has all the mallets...and to prove it I brought myself a helmet! In this situation PUT A HELMET ON before grounding your pet... and sell helmets to TNT for a ridiculously high price. Paintbrush city, here I come!
Lexi: hehehe. I wonder what TNT will do when they find out I replaced the helmets with cardboard....
13. TNT has closed the site for the fourth time this week to buy more headache medicine.
Donna: We save money by buying in bulk! :D
14. There’s a new game called “Whack-a-Dizz”.
Dizz: I got a bodyguard (A.K.A. Lexi) and she armed herself with a HUGE mallet! The game was retired in 5 seconds flat.
15. Adam demands you give his “precious” back.
Dizz: Oh my... this does not look good.
Lexi: I DIDN’T THINK HE’D MISS ONE STINKING PIECE OF ASPARAGUS!!!
Dizz: So there you have it! 15 ways to tell if your pet is addicted to Whack-a-Staff Member! And so...
TNT: THERE SHE IS!!
Lexi: ALRIGHT!! FEATURED GAME!!!
TNT: *scream* RETREAT!!
Author's Note: Many thanks to crj400 for being my editor/proofreader and Kalid909 for giving me loads of ideas. You guys rock! :D