A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! Circulation: 138,839,046 Issue: 287 | 13th day of Eating, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Relax with Whack-a-Kass

by soaringeagle25


Gentle wind plays along the grass, causing it to wave in the sunlight on another flawless day in Meridell. The wind begins to pick up; you wait for just the right moment... WHACK! Satisfied, you watch as the unfortunate plushie sails over the field and into the tree line, and the squat turtum scuttles after it. Another day on the field playing Neopia’s favorite game, Whack-a-Kass. Yep, it’s me, the Whack-a-Kass crazed Blumaroo here to tell you why is this game favored by so many. Not only is Whack-a-Kass quick and short, it doesn’t take its own neoquest to figure out the play and rules. While most games you need to play for an hour to get a good score to send, Whack-A-Kass is just a quick 30-second bat to sending a great score. A great score minus the stress of feeding hundreds of impatient hungry meepits or saving copious amounts of petpets from sundry danger is a plus. Who could ask for more? Read on to unlock the secrets.

The Kass

Your kingdom is about to get overrun by Darigan minions, there’s war to be planned, and armies to gather, and you’re just plain frazzled. So what do you do? Make a plushie version of your problem and whack it with a big stick, of course! In the times when Meridell was under invasion (yet another not so relaxing game), their center to the stress problem was Lord Kass; thus, the adorable, squishy version of him was generally used. But who said you have to use Lord Kass? The Pant Devil just recently stole my codestone, and whacking him with a big, spiked stick just made me feel a whole lot better. Don’t limit yourself; I can let you borrow my Pant Devil plushie, or if the Tax Beast steals your neopoints, or the Grundo snatches your Baby Paint Brush, or if any other of Neopia’s baddies has done something mean to you, I guarantee you’ll feel better after you’ve hit them with a stick.

The Bats

Now that you have your victim/projectile chosen and sewn, you can now choose your bat. There are many bats offered in Whack-A-Kass. I would suggest reading through all of them to see what they have to offer before choosing them. My personal feelings are when I’m really super stressed, and a being a high-level player I choose a nice, big, spiky bat for my kass. MUAHAHAHAHA! *cough* Yes, well, let's move on.

Bread Bat- For all beginners, you start with this bat. Not only can you hit things with it, it provides a delicious snack after your training if you slice it in half and put peanut butter or tigersquash in the center as a filling. Usually by the time it’s your turn to bat, it’s half eaten. This hits the kass the least farthest.

Stick Bat- So you’ve practiced a bit and can hit it pretty hard with your bread bat/lunch; next line up is a stick bat. Not only does it hit harder, it’s dirt-cheap. Just hunt around the tree you whack your kass from and you should find one on the ground. Got a good one? This bat can hit harder than your bread, but it doesn’t hit as far as the other bats I’m going to mention. Still, you can’t complain about freebies; get good at this bat and hit far enough and you could earn enough neopoints for an upgrade.

The Spiked Club Bat- MUUUUAAAHAHHAAA! Mad at a Neopian baddie? This is the ultimate revenge. You are now a bread bat muncher and stick bat guru, and the next one up is this. Solid wood with nice pointy spikes, it’s the most enjoyable to get revenge on the kass plushie. This one unsurprisingly hits the farthest; line everything up right and hit the kass waaaaay past the tree line in a good wind. Practice hard on the field every day and you could earn yourself a spiffy avatar if you score high enough.

The Tree? - You, while on the Whack-a-Kass field, have probably seen the scoreboard and the amazingly high scores. Don’t sweat; people don’t make a score of 1,700 on just a spiked club bat. It is from the ALMIGHTY, elusive tree! This massive plushie-whacker appears rarely and randomly to those who are lucky and those who spend 24/7 on the Kass Field. If you are lucky enough to get the tree and you hit the kass well, you are guaranteed a spot on the high score table! Not only that, you get the deep satisfaction of sending your plushie projectile from here to the Cheeseroller Stand.

The Play

You’ve chosen your bat according to your skill level. *pats spiked club* Now what do you do with it? Hit TNT staff members! Wait, that’s a different game. IT’S TIME TO WHACK THAT KASS! Stand under the oak tree with your kass positioned on the flagged branch above you and take some practice swings. Just give your signal and the kass will fall from the tree branch. Wait until the kass is level with your ears and WHAAAACK! Send it flying! First, you need to practice hitting your kass without worrying about the wind or your score for a couple of tries. A good or bad hit can determine whether you have a good or bad score.

After you are comfortable and/or have mastered the art of hitting the kass at just the right time, it’s time to work on the score. To get the best score possible you need to wait until the wind speed is peak. Licking your finger and sticking it up in the air is one way, or you can take a peek at the field’s wind speed meter. Wait until the wind speed has reached 9 before you whack the unfortunate plushie; this will carry it farther than if you whacked it at a wind speed of 1. Sometimes you’ll get negative wind speed, where the wind is blowing against you. Not very helpful to a high score, but wait until the speed is –9 and watch as your whacked kass flies back towards you. Amusing!

To gain the best distance, the kass, now airborne, should be streamlined (hold down the spacebar while on the flight up). Wait until it gets to the highest point possible and watch it glide down (let go of the spacebar on the flight down). And here’s the big secret that can take your score from a 950 to an 1100, the bounce. The bouncier your kass, the higher your score, so stuff your plushie with rubber high bounce balls (or tap the spacebar every time the kass hits the ground, or do both if you like).

Follow these basic guidelines and after some hard practice you could be a high scorer!

You are back at the fields; the breeze picks up and you give the signal once again. The kass drops, you eye its plummet and at just the right time, WHACK! You watch as your kass flies farther than ever before, after months of hard training. The crowd goes wild as the turtum takes the distance. You hold your breath and watch the scoreboard, 1182! Your practice has paid off; you’re now a champ!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Spells, Secrets, and Snowberry Tea: Part Ten
"Ferocious Neggs!" Luther gasped, just as realization hit Cypher. There were thousands of them...

by kemppotatoe


A Close Shave
Casey's owner took out a small vial, full of a bright blue liquid, with a scarf of hair wrapped around it and two blue ears poking out of the top. Casey squealed with excitement. A Blue Gnorbu Morphing Potion...

by m_to_the_andy


In, Through, and By Brotherhood
I got your letter. So, how's life hacking your way through wild Lupes, Bearogs and Aishas and staying alive along the way?

by precious_katuch14


Outsider Within: Web of Deceit - Part One
D.A. briefly narrowed her cool blue eyes at Vosh for giving the Scorchio fuel to his fire. Still addressing Vosh, she said, "These are the Chambers of Darigan; we are responsible for the safety of all living on the Citadel..."

by tashni

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.