Where Do Owners Come From?
The question has plagued pets for years. For some pets, owners just appear as they hold them in their first moments of life, whispering gently to their new pet. For others, it’s when the human in question approaches their small, filthy cage and saves them. They come and go like faeries with quests. Once one is gone, another will come by soon enough. Don’t worry, pets in the pound. There is hope yet.
I’ve been curious ever since my owner, Boof, took my small, fragile body into her hands and stroked my fur, smiling at the delicate life I possessed. Only now, my curiosity opening like a flower in the sun, have I, Ezanoka, striven to answer this age-old question.
The first place to search lay in my own Neohome. I approached Boof, but she had no answers. She raved something about a “computer”, whatever that is. Boof is clearly delusional and needs serious psychiatric help, immediately. After all, she does have plans for world domination. Not that they’ll ever work. *worried laugh*
So, I did some digging with other, less crazy owners, with the same results. Aside one, who babbled about wanting a “dog”. She needs to be tied down. o.o
I’m not sure why almost every owner had the same kind of answer. They must be brainwashed by Sloth as a plan for world domination. Which leads me to theory 1.
Theory 1: Sloth’s creation
Sloth is attacking! Run for your life and hide under your bed with a battle club and teddy bear, for Dr. Frank Sloth is going to get you! Think about it. Humans randomly appeared, like the Ixi, all over Neopia just over nine years ago. They took matters into their own hands by taking us over and building more buildings than we pets had ever built or needed. Think harder. Without an owner, pets just don’t survive. We need them. And, if all owners happened to be Myncies mutilated into “Humans” and Sloth followers, Neopia is doomed. We’re playing right into Sloth’s bony green hands. But that is no reason to tie your owner to a chair and threaten her with her hockey stick, as I found out the hard way. *nervous giggle*
Theory 2: Meepit’s creation
Same as Theory 1, but with Meepits. Blame the Meepits if blaming Sloth fails, that’s the key. *winks mischievously*
Theory 3: They just go *poof!*
Just like with pets, there must be a secret place somewhere, where pets go who need an owner. Then, after requesting certain features (Hair colour, skin colour, eye colour, gender, height and such) the requested human appears out of nowhere and the lonely pet has an owner. That theory came from a drunken pirate in the Golden Dubloon. So disregard it and you won’t need to be brainwashed. *cough* Was that out loud?
Theory 4: Peoplia!
A mystery that has something to do with a lack of owners for pets. If there are too many pets for the humans, then more humans are created out of some sticks, string and glue. But, owners tend to create rather than adopt pets, so the number of pets and owners will multiply out of control and Neopia will be hit by an asteroid.
Theory 5: They woke up from hibernation
People may have walked the earth centuries before the first Neopet. Maybe they hibernated in winter, but accidentally overslept for a few decades, allowing Neopets to multiply from the simplest forms of petpetpets, back then known as “bugs”. They then woke up, nearly ten years ago, and began their rule of Neopia once more. This is pretty plausible, as humans are pretty darn lazy and like to sleep. Well, Boof is.
Theory 6: They were once pets like us
Maybe humans were once discarded pets. That’s also another age-old question. What happens to pets when they’ve been in the pound too long? I’ll get Boof to make something up and write a story about it. I think that when they’ve been in the pound for a certain amount of time, they’re given a transmogrification potion that is unlike any other potion in existence. It turns them into a human, based on their pet-like features. For example, some owners have pet-like features, such as tails or large fluffy ears. *whispers* They must be the stuff-ups. *nodnod*
And so I conclude: Owners are a mystery! We may never know where they came from, how they got here or what a “computer” is, but they seem to be harmless. After all, they’re only human.
Theory 7: They were Tombola prizes
Maybe humans were originally meant to be petpets, or the Tiki Tack guy thought they were cute. I can just picture it. “Congratulations! You’ve won an Owner!” he’d say, putting a collar onto you and handing a leash to the human. The Tiki Tack guy does bear an uncanny resemblance to a human. He’s probably the only human running a public shop – the rest of them own private shops.
Maybe humans are all descendants of the Tiki Tack guy, but that doesn’t explain why they’re all different. We may never know.
Theory 8: Lab Ray mishaps
Backing up onto the idea that humans were originally pets (Come on, a guy can only think of so many things!), maybe they were shot by the lab ray and it malfunctioned.
This was in the day the lab ray was at the shaky stage the petpet lab ray is at now: sometimes petpets just disappear off the face of the earth. In a freak zap, a pet turned into a human. And then they somehow spread.
In conclusion I have to simply say this: Humans are as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. We may never know where they came from, how they got here or what a “computer” is. Just as we may never know where we came from. Some things are better left unknown.
Thanks to Certhaz for writing and editing this article for me, and everybody on the board who helped me with ideas. This is for any pet who thinks their owner is a complete nincompoop.