Battle Quills... ready! Circulation: 134,586,010 Issue: 276 | 26th day of Sleeping, Y9
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Morguss: Behind the Ugly


by dan4884

--------

Also by extreme_fj0rd

Have you ever wondered what celebrities in Neopia do in their spare time? No?

...

Well, too bad! Dan here, with intrepid reporter Fj0rd by my side! Say hello, Fj0rd.

Fj0rd: What? What do you want? I'm trying to write here!

Dan: Well, we'll get back to her. We're here at the edge of Darigan Citadel, which isn't exactly the safest place to be standing. Tell them why we're here, Fj0rd.

Fj0rd: I TOLD YOU I'M WRITING! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Dan: ...Right. Sorry about that. We're here to interview the one, the only, Morguss the Witch! We want to know all about her secret passions and we won't rest until we find them. So shall we begin?

Fj0rd: Whatever, whatever. As long as I can keep writing while we do it.

Dan: Well, there's always writing down her answers...

Fj0rd: Hmph. Fine.

Dan: I'll take that as agreement. Well, anyway, dear readers, in just a moment we'll proceed into Darigan Citadel and find Morguss to interview h--OH DEAR FYORA!

Fj0rd: ... What is it now, Dan?

Dan: It... it... it's... her! On the roof! My eyes, my eyes!

Fj0rd: What is she doing?

Dan: She's... sunbathing! Write this down, Fj0rd! Quickly!

Fj0rd: Don't give me commands, young man! Why, I oughta-

Dan: Just write, while I find a way to get up there. This is too good to pass up! Excuse me sir, can you tell us how to get to the roof?

Darigan: Who are you? What are you doing in my citadel? You don't belong here!

Dan: But sir, we just want-

Darigan: Off with you!

***

Dan: Well, we're back on the Citadel after Lord Darigan so rudely pushed us off. Once again, we will try to reach Morguss on the roof of the castle. Let's try this secret door I happened to just find.

Fj0rd: You'll be the death of me, you know that?

Dan: Hey hey, if not for me yelling like a little girl, that Air Faerie wouldn't have saved us! So I saved you!

Fj0rd: Sure you did. Anyway, let's try that secret door before Darigan notices we're back and kicks us out again.

Dan: I am, I am! Look, I opened the secret door. Happy now?

Fj0rd: Yes. Ooh, there are stairs going up! I bet that those go to the roof!

Dan: Do you, now?

Fj0rd: Yes, I do.

Dan: Now I see why you're a writer and not a detective.

Fj0rd: Hey! Not fair. C'mon, let's go. Maybe if you're lucky I won't kick you off the roof after we're done asking Morguss questions.

Dan: You wouldn't dare!

Fj0rd: I would! Mwhaha - Alright, let's go.

***

Fj0rd: Morguss?

Morguss: What? Who's there? I thought I was alone up here!

Dan: Were you doing something up here you weren't supposed to be doing?

Morguss: Uh... no! Of course not! Ignore the cauldron and numerous ingredients strewn about!

Dan: Fj0rd! Quick, get those ingredients!

Fj0rd: I'm on it!

Morguss: No, don't!

Fj0rd: Are these... ingredients for a love potion?

Morguss: No! No, they aren't, they're--

Dan: Tea leaves?

Fj0rd: Herbs for stew?

Morguss: Yes. Yes, exactly.

Dan: Well, which is it?

Morguss: The first one. No, the second. No--

Fj0rd: Strangely, I find myself unconvinced.

Dan: You've got that right. So, Morguss. Why were you making a love potion?

Morguss: I wasn't--

Dan: Yes, yes, we've gone through all that. But why?

Fj0rd: You see, we want to know the most inner workings of your mind!

Dan: Be quiet, Fj0rd. Morguss?

Morguss: Oh, fine! I'll admit it! I want Darigan to notice me! Kass never did, and I just want someone to see me for who I really am!

Dan: A hideous Moehog witch who must resort to magic for someone to notice them?

Morguss: Yes, that! No, wait--

Fj0rd: You're not very sure of yourself, are you? Look, we can help you!

Dan: We can?

Fj0rd: Sure we can!

Morguss: How? Will you find me more ingredients?

Fj0rd: No! We'll teach you how to look, talk, and act like a lady!

Dan: She's a girl?!

Fj0rd: Oh ha ha, Dan, you're so funny. Morguss, ignore him.

Morguss: Did you mean it?

Fj0rd: Mean what?

Dan: No, no she didn't. She breaks her promises all the time. Fj0rd, be quiet.

Fj0rd: No, I won't! Morguss is mocked all over Neopia and everyone thinks she's silly, but I can recognize a tortured Moehog when I see one. All she needs is a little time and some instruction to be her true self--a glorious, beautiful white Weewoo flying in the dusk.

Dan: There'll be no talking to her after this.

Morguss: So... does instructing me on being ladylike include going shopping?

Fj0rd: Yes.

Dan: No.

Fj0rd: Oh, come on. Work with me here, Dan. Don't you want to be famous for being one of the reporters to discover the true Morguss, the Moehog under all the fake anger and shame?

Dan: This is just you getting me to carry all the shopping bags, isn't it.

Fj0rd: Maybe.

Dan: Fine, let's get this over with. Where to?

Fj0rd: I hear Meridell's got some wonderful boutiques for clothing!

Morguss: *hiss* Meridell scum! I shall defeat you!

Dan: ...you might want to stop doing that too, you know.

Morguss: But I hate them so much! We will defeat them, my lord; I will avenge your death!

Fj0rd: This is probably why you couldn't get anyone to notice you, you know.

Dan: Fj0rd, grab her arm. We need to get going already. This article's got a deadline, you know.

Morguss: Stop! You will not take me to that terrible place!

***

Morguss: I can't believe you actually made me come to this terrible place.

Dan: You have no say in the matter. Now be quiet!

Fj0rd: This frilly pink dress is nice, don't you think?

Dan: Oh, and you need to work on varying your words more, Morguss. You just used the word terrible to refer to this place twice in a row. Honestly.

Morguss: But it is terrible! Meridell is terrible, and I shall defeat them with the power of this pink frilly dress and my feminine wiles! Beware, for I go only to try on this dress, and when I return, all shall fear my wrath!

Fj0rd: ...

Dan: ...

Fj0rd: So there's a bit of work to do, still. But we can do this.

Dan: Sure we can.

Fj0rd: Okay, so I'm starting to have doubts. But--

Morguss: Ta-daaa!

Dan: Oh dear Fyora.

Fj0rd: Is it me or does she look-

Dan: nice? Yes, she does. Well, our work here is done. Who's next, the Court Dancer?

Fj0rd: Wait! Just because she looks nice doesn't make our job done!

Dan: ...yes, it does.

Morguss: You wouldn't abandon me, would you?

Fj0rd: Of course not! We're here for the long run.

Dan: As long as the long run lasts less than an hour longer.

Fj0rd: Hush, you. Now, our next step is makeup.

Morguss: Well... all right. If I use makeup, my beauty will be all the more intimidating when I take over Meridell.

Fj0rd: Exactly! What do you think about this eye shadow, Dan?

Dan: It's... green.

Fj0rd: Yes, it matches her skin tone just perfectly. Now, hold still, Morguss... Dan, you grab that lipstick for me, okay?

Dan: What, the green one?

Fj0rd: Yes.

Morguss: How long do I have to stay still for?

Fj0rd: Until I'm done doing your makeup. Shh.

Dan: What about... mascara or something?

Fj0rd: That's next. Here, give me the blush.

Dan: You're putting blush on Morguss?!

Fj0rd: Why not? It accentuates the eyes nicely.

Dan: I wonder what accentuate means...

Fj0rd: Oh, hush. Could you hide your stupidity for five minutes?

Dan: Sorry. What's next?

Fj0rd: She's done! Doesn't she look precious?

Dan: Was that the look we were going for?

Fj0rd: ...of course!

Morguss: Do I really look precious?

Dan: In an ugly way, sure.

Fj0rd: Now let's go see what Darigan says!

***

Dan: Hey, Darigan, look who it is!

Darigan: You again? I thought I told you to--who is that?

Morguss: How are you, Darigan, dear? Tee hee!

Darigan: ....

Fj0rd: Doesn't she look fetching?

Dan: Precious, even.

Darigan: ....

Fj0rd: Well, say something!

Morguss: Yes, say something, you big silly!

Darigan: I... I liked you better before!

Dan: Aww.

Darigan: Oh! What are you two doing in here? Scram, kids, before I kick you off the Citadel again.

Dan: Whatever. C'mon, Fj0rd.

***

Fj0rd: That was so cute! That was just so cute!

Dan: I think I almost agree with you. To all of our readers out there, this is Fj0rd and Dan, signing off.

Fj0rd: Let's go spy on them. I think I see a window over there.

Dan: Shush! You ruined our dramatic ending!

Fj0rd: Oh, be quiet.

 
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