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Top 10 Worst Neopian Jobs


by x_boomerang_energy_x

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We see them every day. Those poor, tortured Neopian souls with the absolute WORST jobs ever. You most likely think nothing of them; you might not even give them a second glance... but if YOU were stuck with their jobs, you might at least spare a pity smile. Listed here are the ten worst EVER jobs that any Neopian could possibly think of. It just might get you to think twice about how dedicated they really are to improving the site for everyone. Or maybe they just lost a bet...

10. Attendant of the Rubbish Dump

Here's a perfectly good example of an overlooked figure. Of the people that visit on a regular basis, very few think to themselves, "Why does he do this? Standing here, grinning, and holding a pitchfork in the same position all day long? He is the poster Kacheek for complete dedication, and deserves the admiration of all Neopians everywhere!" As... deserving... as that title may seem, he has landed 10th on this list purely because standing in King Skarl's rotten garbage is not something many Neopians would choose to do day after day to earn a living.

9. Money Tree Supervisor

You know that Acara at the Money Tree that tells you when you successfully get an item, or tells you that you were slower than somebody else? Imagine doing that all day, just smiling and frowning. And with the millions of Neopians that use the Money Tree per minute, that adds up to about 277 facial expressions per second. I don't know about you, but I definitely would not want to have a job like that!

8. The Grundo Thief in Freaky Factory

If you haven't played Freaky Factory or are merely afraid of playing because colors flying across the screen freak you out, let me catch you up... The Grundo Thief pops up at random times during the game from the bottom of the screen to steal a plushie, your source of points. However, you CAN stop him, by bashing his head upon your mouse. Ow. This is one of the more painful jobs, and quite frankly, I wouldn't have even considered this as my Neopian career. But this guy doesn't have it as bad as our next... "Employee".

7. Punchbag Bob

You can imagine why this would place on this accursed list of the worst jobs ever. Fighting in the Battledome without weapons against hundreds of thousands of Neopians a day. What's worse is that he has to endure this for all 5000 of his hit points. So assuming that 450,000 Neopians beat him per day, and he completely loses all of his hit points to each one of them, in total, he'd have gone through 2,250,000,000. For those of you who don't like reading numerals, that's two trillion, two hundred fifty thousand hit points. Per day.

6. Glubgar in 'Volcano Run II'

As entertaining as this game is, have you ever considered what happens to poor Glubgar? I mean, the game never ends! You either quit or lose all your lives being hit by flaming rocks! Even though there are so many valuable gems in that horrid cavern, he'll never be able to bring them to see the light of day. So pretty much, he flies through a cavern; from the beginning he knows he's doomed, with shiny, sparkly gems taunting him... he can look at 'em, he can touch 'em, he can even pick 'em up, but he'll never be able to sell them.

5. The Mutant Blumaroo in the game 'Fetch!'

Taking orders from someone is (at the most) slightly tolerable. But add the twisted and rough paths of the Haunted Woods, a limited amount of Health Points, and an eyeball with tentacles, that's where at least half of us would draw the line. On top of that, he doesn't even have a name...

4. Turmaculus

Okay, so pretend you are in a deep... so relaxed... life is goo-THWACK! someone hits you with a stick. Now that they have so kindly woken you up, they demand items! Well, that's basically what Lil' Turmy's job entails. Say that 700 people chose to hit him with a stick in one minute. That equals roughly 12 smacks per SECOND. That doesn't count for those who chose different options either!

3. The Giant Omelette

Not what you'd expect, eh? Well, let's review: This was an egg, supposed to hatch into maybe... a Chomby? Grarrl? No one really knows; either way, it ended up broken, fried, spiced up with different flavors in different portions of the omelette, and open to the public. Eek.

2. A petpet in 'Feed Florg'

The title is probably enough description as most people would need, but just in case, let me elaborate. These petpets are so desperate, that they would even work in such a wretched game as this where they either get eaten or fall off of a high table. Moving on.

1. The Pilot of the Single-man fighter in 'Neverending Boss Battle'

You might be thinking, "Why this? Why choose this and not something else?" Well, here's why. You really need to look at this like you would if it were happening to you. Otherwise, you'd be stuck wondering why this made Number One in this list.

Imagine this: you're flying through space in a combat vehicle the size of your room. You're cruising along... all's good and as it should b- Wait! What's that? It's a Fighter Ship the size of the Titanic! You squint to try and see who's driving it. It's no less than that Dr. Sloth. Oh dear. Suddenly your cozy fighter feels like it is the size of a pea. Oh look! He's firing at you! You look at your controls. Three buttons. Your standard "Fire!" button, and the usual two strafe buttons. You look up to see a laser beam the width of the Turmaculus coming straight at you...

Hopefully this article has gotten you thinking about how dedicated some Neopians really are to make this site an enjoyable place for us all. And if it hasn't, maybe you would like to take over for them. They probably wouldn't mind. ;-)

 
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