Weekly World Review
Each week I scour the pages of Neopia’s local newspapers and periodicals to bring you the latest news and gossip from around the world. Sit back, relax, and get informed!
1. Altador at a Glance
In politics, King Altador has issued a statement dispelling the rumours that he will be discontinuing his daily rewards to all Neopians involved in Altador’s recovery effort. “We owe you all a debt of gratitude,” the King said at a local press conference. “We wish we could do more.” When asked if the reward program will continue indefinitely the King declined to comment. In related news, local Altadorian business owners are beginning to show frustration with the Council’s decision to continue rewards. “Thanks to the daily giveaway my prices have deflated,” a local shopkeeper told the paper. “We’re all indebted to folks for giving us back our memory, but enough is enough!” Recent statistics show that items such as The Altadorian Initiate Sword, which used to be a hot seller at 5,000 NP a pop, is now down to about 150 NP on the market.
Finneus, that eccentric Lenny archivist we have all come to know and love, was spotted on the dance floor at Neopia Central’s posh nightclub “Xantan”. Sporting a fabulous new Calvin Kacheek jacket, Finneus looked dashing as ever as he hammed it up for photographers. Rumour has it he dropped over 100k on dinner at Kelp later that night.
2. Faerieland Gazette
In an unprecedented move, the Air Faeries have threatened to go on strike unless agreements can be reached in next week’s quest negotiations. The Air Faeries have been quite vocal in their opposition to Queen Fyora’s year 2 mandate governing stat increases for Faerie Quests. According to the mandate, Air Faeries are strictly confined to rewarding movement points to Pets who successfully complete their quests. “It totally stinks,” said a union spokesfaerie. “Nobody does our quests because we all know that movement has absolutely nothing to do with Battledome ability.” The Faeries are asking for an addendum to Fyora’s mandate that allows for a rotation system to govern quest rewards.
In the world of sports there was a surprise upset in last weekend’s Faerie Cloud Racer tournament as the expected winner and reigning champion, the Space Faerie, lost to the rookie Tooth Faerie. Neither party was available for comment.
The tabloids went crazy this week over the newly released photos showing Illusen having lunch with mortal enemy Jhudora in Faerieland. Is their longstanding feud finally over? Don’t get your hopes up, Neopia. According to a pal of Jhudora, the peace-loving Illusen had come to make amends but was quickly offered a poisonous lollypop and shown the door. It doesn’t look like these two are likely to become friends anytime soon.
3. News... in... SPACE!
Dr. Frank Sloth’s controversial new autobiography is set to hit the shelves early next week in time for the holiday shopping season. Critics who had a sneak peek at the book are raving about it. “It’s hypnotizing,” said Neopian Times reporter Marlowe Chiason. He went on to add that “Sloth... is... great. Obey... Sloth.” Interesting analysis.
Residents of the Virtupets Space Station had a trying day on Thursday when the loudspeaker system apparently malfunctioned. As a result, the theme song from Meepit Juice Break blared from the speakers for over twenty four hours continuously. A number of Virtupetters had to seek medical attention. According to the Grundo on duty at the time of the malfunction, a number of small pink furry creatures were seen exiting the central computing unit where the loudspeaker controlling unit is housed. When he tried to question one of the creatures the only answer he received was, “MEEP!”
Everyone’s favorite metal band Gruundo played a benefit concert on Kreludor last Saturday. All proceeds from the concert went to the GLO (Grundo Liberation Organization). Plenty of famous faces were spotted in the crowd. Gorix and Cylara took a break from their space explorations to attend the show and both seemed fully recovered from their recent crash landing. The Space Faerie was seen sulking in a corner after her defeat at the Faerie Cloud Racer tournament earlier that day and all requests for autographs were refused. An evil Fuzzle attack threatened to end the show early, but once they heard Gruundo’s highly charged riffs the Fuzzles stopped attacking and started rocking!
4. Haunted Woods Reader
Things finally seem to be settling down in the Haunted Woods after the recent controversy surrounding Neovia. The media attention has been good for business, says Deserted Fairgrounds owner Sssidney. “Ticket sssales are up sssixty persssent!” Now that’s sssomething to ssscream about.
But it seems that not everyone is so happy about the recent influx in tourists. Eliv Thade issued a statement to reporters yesterday. He was obviously upset, but nobody is really sure what he said yet. Experts are hard at work decoding his sentences.
Everyone’s been clamoring for interviews with Sophie, Gilly, and Bruno after their successful efforts to break the Neovian curse... but the heroes have been nowhere to be found! Most folks assumed that the three pals had taken some time off from their sleuthing for a well deserved vacation and reports have been pouring in of random sightings in Shenkuu and Mystery Island. A reliable source told the Haunted Woods Reader that the trio is actually hot on the trail of the fiendish Mr. Krawley. Perhaps we haven’t seen the last of him yet.
In an effort to revamp her image, Edna has embarked on a singing career. Her self titled CD is set to be released in the month of Running. Edna is currently in the studio working on a duet with the Esophagor entitled, “Stiiilll Huunnggrryyy After All These Years”. Other track titles include, “It’s Not Easy Being Mean” and “Toe Nail Soup in Paradise”. Good luck, Edna!
Well, folks, that wraps up another week of news and gossip. Tune in next week for the latest and greatest from around the world!
(Feel free to send me your comments, criticisms, or love notes! Thanks for reading!)