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Ahnnilator's Guide to the Deserted Fairground


by cyneo_masters2

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DESERTED FAIRGROUND - So, yep, it's Halloween. You know what that means: trick-or-treaters, haunted houses, and dressing yourself and your petpets up and looking less scary than you did five minutes ago. And the best part is, you get to go through the same routine, year after year after year!

Hypothetical question time: Don't you get sick of it after a while?

Hypothetical answer time: Yes, probably.

Thus, I present an alternative: Spend a night at the Deserted Fairground. Why? Well, Halloween is about getting scared, right? And what better way to get scared than to a place that's spookier than the Haunted Woods themselves (yes, it is possible!)?

But wait!

How are you going to not get killed at the Deserted Fairground without a guide?

And here I am.

***

First off, here are some things to keep in mind:

The buddy system is especially important when going through the Deserted Fairground. After all, if a scary ghost stops you and he looks angry, you can just run away, leaving your buddy behind. Hey, better them than you.

You'd better bring a backpack with lots of food, water, and the like. Sometimes, they forget to open the gate to the fairground... for several days... on purpose.

Try to paint yourself or your petpets Halloween. If you do, you have a 50% higher chance of survival.

And always remember: In case of an emergency, and you need to get on the lifeboats, remember: women and children firs- oops, wrong disaster.

***

Okay, now that you've got your backpack and petpets ready, what do you do now?

The answer: go there. Find the sneakiest possible way to get in, if you can. Last time, I checked, it's not a good thing to make yourself known to hundreds of things that go bump in the night.

Okay, now that's you're there, what do you do now?

Duh, explore! Keep on walking around, find something interesting, then go walk around more. But since I'm a friendly article writer, I'll tell you some great things to do while at the Deserted Fairground.

***

The Coconut Shy: A fun game where you try to knock down coconuts using a ball. But what the Quiggle who operates the game says is true. It's not rigged. Unfortunately, you just throw bad and can't knock down coconuts nailed/glued to posts.

The Wheel of Misfortune: Great with young kids. Why? This is the fastest way to get a rare disease that will cause you to miss school for weeks, if not months, on end. If you're out of school, um, you get to have people deliver chicken soup to you whenever you ask?

That ride with the clown opening its mouth (real name unknown): I would go on it, I honestly would, but I have a fear of things that aren't named. Stop laughing at me like that.

Cork Gun Gallery: Skip it. That little Aisha's giggling gets way too annoying after a while. Well, I do consider fifteen seconds a while.

Test Your Strength: Well, you can try, but if you can't knock a coconut of a pole, you probably can't throw a mallet on a target, either.

Scratch Cards: Not only is this the safest way to earn money with a game at the fairground, if you buy enough of them, you'll be able to start a bonfire that'll last for longer than 24 hours!

Spooky Furniture: Admit it. That spyder wardrobe and iron bed would look outrageously cute right next to all your Usukicon posters in your bedroom.

Bagatelle: If you lose repeatedly, you can easily steal those books, sell them, and then use your new money to play a few more games...

Haunted Weaponry: And right next to your outrageously cute furniture, how about a six foot tall axe? That'll look simply wonderful. And, it's a great criminal deterrent as well! Just don't complain to me when your friends don't want to sleep over anymore.

Spooky Food: After shopping, playing suspicious games, and summoning the guts to ride nameless rides, you're probably hungry. And who wouldn't be? Fortunately, there's all kinds of food to be eaten here. Blumaroo steaks, dried Techo claws, octornapies, and even tongues with veggies! I'm sure every chef in the world would give it five stars if they still lived after the food poisoning they got eating those foods!

***

Oh, before I forget, here are some dos and don'ts:

DO: remember that enormous monsters don't like to have to answer your requests for directions.

DON'T: travel in a group larger than six. More targets that way.

DO: bring cookies with you. In case you get terribly scared, cookies are a great way to comfort you and calm yourself down. Brownies are even better.

DON'T: Walk by cemeteries on the way to the fairground. Sure, it's just a superstition, but it's best to be safe, right?

And always remember:

DO: believe in ghosts. If you don't before you get there, it'll be... let's say a very big shock. Very very very big.

***

Well, by now you'll either think it's safer or nuttier to go into the Deserted Fairground. Well, if you do go there, there are plenty of benefits. Fun games, exotic foods, newly learned survival skills! On the flipside, though, plenty of drawbacks: rigged games, disgusting foods, and having to use those newly learned survival skills. Well, time for my opinion now: I say go. Go to the Deserted Fairground. I mean, it's really fun, and you can skip the foods, and those survival skills might come in handy some day. Especially if I write a guide about Terror Mountain. Yeah, stuff like knowing how to start a fire with your bare hands and knowing what kind of berries are poisonous is great for a place as cold and dangerous as that.

Oh, yeah, by the way, I was definitely NOT paid to speak well of the Deserted Fairground by the Organization to Popularize the Fairground. I also was not paid to tell of how great it was and explain all the great features. Far from it. *shifty eyes*

Well, I better be going now. I think I should be checking on my lost buddy right now.

-Ahnnilator

 
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