There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 135,120,767 Issue: 265 | 10th day of Storing, Y8
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The Truth About the Grundo Thief

by lov_el_y


How many of you have played Freaky Factory, 15 seconds on the clock, three toys left, one vat empty, bam it's full, exactly three toys on the belt, you can feel a color bonus in the air, one second left and that purple Grundo Thief snags a plushie and you lose?!

I swear, the reason why I never advance past the 3rd level is because I constantly look for that Grundo. A peek of his obnoxious antennae and I'm on him! I watch that conveyor belt like a hawk... er... an Eyrie.

Moving on... consequently, I never have enough kreludite in the vats, and then I'm hurried so I get the wrong color in the wrong vat, then I actually get some toys made, and now I'm not paying attention to the conveyor belt, because I need 4 more toys and there are less than 10 seconds on the clock, and I miss the big blue blob, and an alarm sounds, and the sneaky thief has taken my rainbow Scorchio!

Sounds like a fun game, doesn't it? You should try it.

So one day, Chickadoo and I are playing Freaky Factory. And I lose again. On the 3rd round. With one toy left. Just one!

Since then, I have made it my life mission to rid Neopia (or at least the factory) of the Grundo Thief. My first move was to approach the owners of the Freaky Factory.

I should have known they'd be a shady lot. The board members sat in the shadows. Only one of the seven spoke. I heard not a breath, cough, or fidget from the rest. Back then, when I was naïve and innocent, I had been impressed by their self-control. I now know that none of them were members of the board; well, I think they were members of board alright - cardboard. The seventh had only laughed at my request and sent me away.

My second move was to organize a petition for the removal of the Grundo Thief to the Citizens Council of Kreludor. The mutant Blumaroo who was president had sighed and told me they'd "get to it next millennium." Thank you very much, Kreludor.

Two attempts, two failures. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

I was seriously contemplating cutting a deal with the Grundo Thief. Would he go for 10% of my daily profit on the game if he just went to somebody else's conveyor belt? (You weren't thinking something else, were you?)

Me and Chickadoo trekked to the factory to talk to the Grundo Thief (who has no name?). It wasn't hard to find the dastardly fellow, as he was in the midst of grabbing a yellow JubJub when -

Me: Hey you! Grundo Thief!

Grundo Thief: (stiffening and turning around) I object to being called that! I prefer Chief Executive Borrower of Kreludor.

Me: Uh-huh. Well, anyway...

And thus I discussed my business proposition. Unfortunately, he wasn't going for it.

Chief Executive Borrower of Kreludor: No way! I could get fired from my job!

Seeing my incredulous stare, the "Chief Executive Borrower of Kreludor" started to glare. If you haven't seen a Grundo glare, well, it's an experience all right. They have those big eyes with all those shiny dots and it's kind of freaky. Fortunately, since I have a Grundo, I was impervious and able to stare him down.

Me: Who, exactly, has hired you? And, can I call you CEBOK?

CEBOK: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

A large tear formed at the corner of his eye.

CEBOK: I've never had a name, never had love, never known a family!

CEBOK proceeded to hug me, covering me in Grundo tears. With a sob, he wrenched himself away, and miraculously, there were no tears...

CEBOK: Well, it's no go anyway - 10% of what you make is no biggie. I've seen you play -

Me: (muttering) No kidding -

Grundo Thief: - and 10% of that is like 40 NP.

Me: So?

Him: SO?

Me: SO?

And we might have continued like this if it hadn't been for chick_a_doo, which is good, because then this would have been a boring article.

Chickadoo: So CEBOK, what exactly do you do with all those toys you 'borrow'?

CEBOK smiled smugly, and cracked his knuckles (no mean feat because Grundos don't really have knuckles).

CEBOK: (tauntingly) That's none of your business.

Chickadoo was persistent, however.

Chickadoo: Either you sell them or... you EAT THEM!

CEBOK: (shocked) Never! Not my babies!

Me: Then what do you do with them?

Chickadoo: He eats them.

CEBOK: (roaring) NEVER! I shall prove it to you!

Wordlessly, he led us through the maze of conveyor belts and sticky goop. At the far end of the factory was a stinky hallway. My eyes watered and I nearly gagged. We entered a room at the end of the dark hallway.

With grim silence, he turned on the light.

Chickadoo: WOW! How many are there?

She gazed at the huge mountains of yellow, blue, red, rainbow, green plushies. A dingy dung couch (that explains the smell) sagged at the far end across from a stone bookcase. The dim light flickered on the many button eyes. To tell you the truth, I was kind of regretting this.

CEBOK: I don't know. I only have 4 fingers on each hand. Sorry, I'm all out of Neocola or I'd offer...

Me: CEBOK, you should really do something with these toys. You could bring happiness to a lot of pets.

CEBOK: You know, I could. I really have too many for myself. But no thanks.

Chickadoo: But think of how your image will improve if you donate all these plushies! They might even put you in the Neopedia as a hero or something.

My Chickadoo is crafty, don't you agree? I don't know how she did it, but after a lengthy talk, she persuaded CEBOK to donate his excess collection.

We went home that night feeling proud, even if the original goal wasn't reached. I was still a little troubled. Why? Why did CEBOK feel this need to steal?

Chickadoo, always looking for the good in everyone, thinks he's just trying to create a family, albeit stuffed with cotton. I say he's a kleptomaniac. But my opinion doesn't sway Chickadoo at all. She's out posting For Adoption signs all over the place. You got it; she wants someone to adopt the Grundo Thief, a.k.a CEBOK. (Anyone interested? I didn't think so.)

I haven't played Freaky Factory for a while. I better go down and visit that scoundrel. Maybe hit him a few times with a blob of kreludite for old times sake...

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