Some Kind of Sandwich?
...Wow, that was pretty humiliating. What in Neopia was
I thinking? I definitely messed up big that time, but at least people will forget
about it... hopefully. Shoot. Ok, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about,
huh? It all began a couple months ago...
I was bored. Very bored. Lock-me-in-a-room-with-the-Snowager
bored. I'm not sure if that made sense. Oh well, who cares. I was idly flipping
through the Neopian Times, just to see if there was anything in there that was,
well, interesting. Not much caught my eye. I began by reading the editorial.
Not much going on in there at all. I kept flipping. There were just some really
insane stories and comics, written by some close friends of mine. Pretending
that I had no clue who these people were, I turned to the advertisements. Most
of one page was taken up by just one ad. Curious, I read it.
Coming to Meridell in the near or distant
future? Come see the newest sensation that's gripping the dung heap... Turmac
...What was Turmac Roll?
Needless to say, I found myself a couple days
later in Meridell, trying my hardest not to be smushed beneath some giant monster
thing and rolling cheese. What an extremely odd place. Besides the extreme weirdness,
it seemed like a pretty cool place. I wouldn't want to live there or anything,
but it was cool. There was just one problem... where was Turmac Roll? True,
I had no clue what it was, so it didn't bother me too much, but still. After
I came all this way, I wanted to at least see it. I took my time searching.
I kissed some Mortogs, had some Ixi make my brain hurt, and narrowly avoided
being kicked out of the place by some fat dude on a throne. That dude had some
anger issues or something. He completely flipped out at me because he didn't
like my joke. What a loser. I kept up the search. There was no sign that said
"Turmac Roll!" or anything like that. I went up to some green-clad girl with
wings to ask for directions, but she just threw dirt clumps at me. Not very
nice. Does everyone in Meridell have temper problems? I was just trying to find
my way. Actually starting to panic now, I quickened my pace. I only had a limited
amount of time here, and I needed to see what Turmac Roll was. Was it some kind
of sandwich, perhaps? I decided to check the food court, if that's what they
call it over there. Potato. Raw potato. Potato with gravy. Mouldy potato. I
asked the shopkeeper if he had something that wasn't somehow related to a potato,
and he laughed at me. Stupid, no-good, potato-loving peasant. I asked him if
he knew where I could get a Turmac Roll, and he started laughing so hard he
cried. Muttering under my breath, I left his store, stealing a couple of potatoes.
You can't blame me for that; he was being mean and I was hungry.
Later that day I finally found my destination.
Man, was I disappointed. It wasn't a sandwich at all. It was some weird tumble
thing involving berries. I decided to stand around and watch for a tiny bit,
just to see if there was anything else to this 'game'. Well, I became hooked.
There's just something about rolling off really high, dangerous jumps while
scrunched up that appealed to me. It's a pity I wasn't a Turmac. I kept watching.
I got an idea.
Yep. Later that day I found myself rolling down
a hill like a Turmac. It really hurt. I don't know how those things do it. There
were sharp, pointy rocks decorating the course. In search of a less painful
place to practice, I walked past another Ixi, this one selling petpets. Curious
to see if they had a Turmac that would help me with my rolling, I went and looked.
Sure enough, I saw a Turmac sitting on the shelf, but some little dude came
up, snarled at me, and ran away with it. Wondering what kind of person snarls,
I looked to see if there was another. There wasn't. All there was left was some
sort of miniature steed. The shopkeeper said it was called a Whinny. I bought
Turns out that Whinnys don't know the first thing
about rolling down a hill and collecting berries. Oh well, at least we were
on the same page. I decided to start my training without using the jumps. I
needed to master rolling first. I attempted some somersaults, and I didn't do
too badly. I couldn't imagine doing them nonstop while flying up into the air
on occasion, though. My Whinny (I cleverly named him Whin) watched me for a
bit before joining in. He mastered somersaults pretty quick, and was eventually
able to roll fluently. I returned him to the shop. I didn't need some Whinny
doing better than me. At this point in my training, I was pretty discouraged.
I needed to take my mind off of things, so I began to work on the second part
of my Turmac Roll quest.
I made a costume in the shape of a Turmac, though
bigger. All day long I labored away, trying to recreate a Turmac exactly. In
the end I forgot one eye and a foot, but hopefully no one noticed. It was quite
snug and comfy inside, and it protected me from nasty bumps in the ground. Better
yet, when people saw me in this costume while I was training, they would come
over to me and support me and my goal. At least, I think that's what that pointing
and laughing was about. Ok, so I might have looked a little ridiculous, doing
somersaults in a Turmac suit, but it's not like it's the craziest thing anyone's
I found out a couple days later that there was
going to be a tournament later that week. I instantly signed up. This was my
one shot at fame, and I needed to take it! Plus, I had gotten a lot better at
rolling, though I still hadn't attempted any jumps yet. I decided that now was
the time to do that. I climbed up to the top of the biggest hill I could find,
and got into position. A crowd of people came to watch me. Some people were
wishing me luck, others were simply laughing. Before I knew it, I was tearing
downwards, rolling like a maniac. I was pretty good though. I didn't lose my
balance; I didn't crash into anything. I could hear the crowd applauding on
the hilltop above. Up ahead I could see the jump. I hit it at full speed.
"I'm flyyyying!" I screamed, and crashed down
to the world below.
I woke up a couple days later in the hospital.
I never did make it to the tournament. Shucks. To add insult to injury, I read
in the Times a little later that a Whinny, cleverly named Whin, had won.
Luckily, he was disqualified when it was brilliantly
discovered that he wasn't a Turmac. He should have made a costume.
Search the Neopian Times
|Five Years of Food Club|
After my daily visit to Krawk Island to support my favorite Food Club pirate
(and hopefully collecting big winnings), I was lucky enough to get an interview
with him. Of course, he's none other than the only Scorchio pirate in Food Club,
The Tailhook Kid.
The brown Lupe knight truly detested ships; his stomach seemed to be completely
unable to keep up with the rest of his body with all the rocking, swaying and
tossing about that was inevitable when sailing on the ocean...