There was a brilliant flash of light, and I could feel the evil zap of the lab
ray working throughout my very core. Please be something normal, I thought
fervently. Or else a really good color so that Daymarket will stop dragging
me here every day...
The light faded away slowly, the aftereffects leaving bright images on my eyes.
I blinked them away, standing up unsteadily. I looked down on myself, dreading
to know what change had happened today.
My fur! My beautiful green fur! Tragedy had struck, for I was no longer a green
Aisha. Instead, the lab ray had-had-
"Daymarket," I wailed, turning to my owner, "Look!"
Daymarket's face was impassive as she eyed me. Green goop was dripping all
over me, forming a little mucky puddle on the floor. From behind my owner, my
sisters stuck out their heads, looking at me with shock all over their faces.
"Oh my goodness," Kimiko whispered.
I was a freakin' snot Aisha.
"Well, doesn't she look much prettier now?" the lab ray scientist crooned,
coming out from behind his ray. "Admittedly, it's an acquired taste, but-"
"Gah, Idy, no!" Daymarket yelped as I jumped up, trying to maul that scientist.
Oh, I'd give him acquired taste, I would-
After ripping that scientist to tiny little bits, I stalked home, my sisters
and owner following in my wake. Neopians kept turning their heads to look at
me and the little puddles of goop I was leaving behind. Well, let them stare!
Once safely barricaded inside the Neohome, I whirled onto Daymarket. "You've
got to paint me another color," I begged. "It won't take too much! Even a basic
color would be fine. Anything but snot!"
I was practically groveling, and what does my cheapskate owner say? "Idy, you're
being melodramatic," she scolded. "The lab ray will turn you another color soon.
Besides, snot's not really... that... bad... " she finished weakly, staring
at the puddle around my feet.
"On second thought, you'd better sleep outside tonight," she decided.
Surviving as a Snot Pet
I've been a snot pet for about two weeks now. I still hate it, but you don't
live a fortnight as a certain color without learning how to adapt. So, fear
not, fellow snots! Here are ten pieces of advice to help you work out your dastardly
Sleeping is always tricky, because if you sleep in a normal bed it can get
really messy every day. Fortunately, the bathtub is a good alternative. Get
a pair of scissors and rip up the tent for blankets. Whatever tents are made
up of, they're very easy to wash. Pad the bathtub with them, and every morning
just turn on the water and let the snot rinse itself out.
Eating, you say? What's so difficult about eating? Well, snot is very drippy.
You open your mouth just to talk and you'll be swallowing huge gobs of it as
it drips down your nose. I've found that even though most of me is snot, it
still is disgusting beyond all belief to actually swallow the stuff.
So, how to get around this dilemma? Smoothies. Yes, you can survive on smoothies
for two weeks; that's what I've been doing. Just stick a straw in your mouth
and drink. There're so many different flavors anyway you're bound to get the
whole food pyramid sooner or later.
Trust me, when you're a snot pet, you do not want to play Kacheek Seek. Anyone
can just follow the green trails and find you right away. Plus, those goopy
puddles can seriously ruin your neighbor's décor.
However, as always, there is an alternative! Whoever invented Wellington Boots
deserves a medal. Get the Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra Large size for extra snot
collection. At the end of the day, just empty the boots out over the sink!
I have only one word for these things... EVIL!
Neopkins are the mortal enemy of snot pets! DO NOT GET NEAR THEM. Too much
exposure to this nasty little things will cause too much of you to soak up into
them. You'll be wiped away bit by bit until finally, you vanish.
Do you really want that to happen? I didn't think so!
-sigh- Neoschool. What can I say about it? Dreary at the best of times, it
gets even worse when you're all snotty. The teachers don't want you handling
the textbooks, the kids in the next class don't even want to get near your seat,
green grunge gets all over your locker...
My advice? Homeschooling. Or, if your owner is too much of a skinflint to get
you a tutor, try to outfit yourself appropriately. Raincoats are excellent for
containing snot, as are elbow-length gloves and a large floppy hat.
Ever since I've turned snot, I've become rather attached to the Haunted Woods.
Something about the darkness and quiet attracts me, and there's also the bonus
that snot pets aren't at all out of place in the Woods. I mean, just look at
Places to avoid? Lost Desert (too much sand), Terror Mountain (too much snow),
Faerieland (too many clouds), Krawk Island (too many pirates), Altador (too
many ruinable antiques), Lutari Island (too much mist), Brightvale (too much
wisdom), Mystery Island (too much jungle), Roo Island (too much happiness),
Neopia Central (too many people), Maraqua (too much water), Kreludor (too much
rock dust), Virtupets Space Station (too many Sloth slobberers), Shenkuu (too
many pointy buildings) and... uh... have I missed anything? Ah ha, Meridell,
that's it. Well, I suppose that's all right. Are dung and snot meant to mix?
Personally I would say no... in fact, why don't you just stick with the Haunted
I was never one for the Battledome, but hey, whatever floats your boat. I think
that most of your opponents will withdraw from the match at first sight of you,
because who seriously wants to get in a wrestling match with a snot-covered
pet? I know I wouldn't.
If they fail to forfeit automatically and/or are too thickheaded to perceive
the snot threat, I suggest you charge at them screaming at the top of your lungs
and proceed to beat them over the head with the Altador Club. It's been rotting
in your SDB for ages; you might as well use it.
If your opponent happens to be Meuka, tough luck. You asked for it.
Try the skill or intellect games, because it's really hard to do action stuff
while you're dripping goop all over the floor. It's a win-win situation - fewer
chances to slip in your own muck, and you get to increase your intelligence.
I would NOT suggest Kou-Jong, though; Linae can get extremely aggressive if
you drip all over her precious pieces.
Don't even think about it. If you were in charge of the shop before, ask your
owner to switch the duty to somebody else. Nothing quite turns a customer away
like a dripping shopkeeper leaning forward with a hideous green smile and oozing,
"How may I help you today?" through falling showers of snot.
Yeah, I hate being snot. How could you tell?
And last but not least...
NAG. All day and all night. Tell your owner how much you SUFFER being snot,
how much you hate it, and how extremely grateful you will be if they morph/paint
you to ANY, ANY other color or species. If you have a really nasty skinflint
of an owner -cough- DAYMARKET -cough-, try to move along their way of thinking
by several subtle hints, e.g. snot all over their bed and/or precious belongings.
If you do manage to successfully convince your owner, please neomail Daymarket
and tell her that your owner was kind enough to change you! Who knows? Maybe
she'll finally be shamed into painting me.
~Idytarod, disgusted snot Aisha
Daymarket's Note: -sniff- Idy makes me sound so mean! I'm not really a miser,
it's just that I want to paint her sister first. Waaaah! I'm so misunderstood!