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Ahnnilator's Guide to the Care & Feeding of a Zomutt


by cyneo_masters2

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The zomutt. The one creature in Neopia that's cutely disgusting, and vice versa. It's also one of the most misunderstood petpets. For one thing, they do not smell of rotting cheese. They smell of rotting meat. It is also not true that zomutts get along only with other zomutts. They get along quite nicely with tombstones as well. See how misunderstood they are? So, in order to make Neopians aware of how to treat their lovely undead companions properly, I wrote this guide. Also, if you don't like this article, please don't feed your zomutt it--they're paper intolerant!

Where to buy a zomutt

Before you can care for your zomutt, you have to buy one. You can't just feed a petpet that's not there. See? It is a good idea to buy one first. There are several places to buy a zomutt, but you can probably just go to the Haunted Woods, dig up some graves, and eventually you'll find one for free. However, it's not a good idea to steal a zomutt from a ghost--ghosts like revenge, and you'll get some from stealing their only friend in the afterlife.

Food & Water

Now that you have your zomutt, concentrate on his or her needs before you give them as many wind up zytches as you please.

Zomutts love to eat more than they love patrolling cemeteries. Their favorite foods are cut up twigs, anything that smells remotely like Balthazar, chokatos, chocolate, chocolate chokatos, and snot. They don't like rubber bands, and are indifferent to everything else.

As for water, well, they prefer orange juice, but if you can only afford water, then whatever floats your boat.

Toys and other Fun Things

Okay, so now that you can feed your zomutt and give water to it, you can concentrate on something else. A toy for it. Maybe two or twenty. All up to you.

The truth is, zomutts will play with any toy you give them, so it doesn't matter. However, I found out that throwing a bone from last night's steak dinner and playing fetch with it will make your zomutt incredibly happy. Add points if it smells like it's been rotting.

A Bed for your Zomutt

Now, after all that eating, running around, and graveyard patrolling, your zomutt would probably like a little nap. But alas! There are no beds in your house! So what are you going to do? Give him a bed, of course! Anything will do for a bed, even if it's your laundry basket that hasn't been washed yet. But, if you're feeling too lazy to go find your laundry (and hopefully do it), you can always combine one hard material and a bunch of soft material. Like, steel and cheese. Wood and an emergency blanket. Stone and mashed potatoes. Almost anything will do.

Zomutts and the Park

Ah yes, the park. On an average day, there are dozens of petpets and their owners taking a stroll around the park, giving their pets exercise and to have them socialize. And why not? The air is clean there, there are trees and flowers and birds and quite possibly a pond or two. It's so full of life. And that's why you shouldn't take your zomutt there. If you feel your zomutt needs exercise and socialization, place him in a hole with a spardel. If they're not trying to escape, they're socializing while trying to escape! Isn't it a great thing when others work together? I think it is.

Zomutt Hygiene

Hygiene and zomutts prefer to stay out of the same sentence. Why? For one thing, no matter how hard they try, they just can't stop smelling. (Sorry, Uni owners, a zomutt's probably not right for you.) And another, they always look dirty. With those two factors in mind, would you take a bath?

Okay, yeah, you probably would. So, if you want your zomutt nice and squeaky clean, you'll need:

1 gallon of shampoo

2 gallons of soap

1 River

But if you want to stick to a bathtub, just subtract the river.

The Vet

Uh oh. Your zomutt isn't feeling well. What in the world are you going to do? The first thing is to make sure his fever wasn't caused by chili peppers. The second thing is to head straight to the vet. This "not-so-feeling well" could turn into an unstoppable plague for all you know! If your vet doesn't know what's wrong, but still says it's sick, maybe a fresh out-of-the-oven cookie got him hot enough for a feverish temperature.

Zomutt Questions and Answers

Well, now that you pretty much know how to care for your creature, here are some common questions about zomutts and their answers.

Q: My zomutt is blue and its eyes are bulging out of its head! What's wrong here?

A: Your "zomutt" is really a spardel. Either that, or you're in some serious denial about the petpet lab ray.

Q: My zomutt refuses to eat ______! What should I do?

A: Um... not feed it to him, maybe? I don't really know, some zomutts are pickier than others.

Q: Any good zomutt colors?

A: But if you painted your zomutt he'd look more alive! Don't want that now, do we?

Q: I'm going on vacation. What should I carry my zomutt in?

A: The hamper/bed is good, but why would you want to smell like old clothes during vacation? More importantly, can't you just hire a petpetsitter?

***

So, in conclusion, you now know how & where to buy a zomutt, what to feed it, what it should drink, what you can do with it for fun, a bed for it, how to clean it, and what to do in case it's sick. However, no amount of guides or research can tell you how important it is to love your zomutt more than anything else in the world.

Okay, now that I've gotten that cheesy ending over with, here's the real ending: Your zomutt will require a lot of care, but it's worth it. Except for bringing dirty laundry with you on vacation. That's just kinda weird.

So, until next time,

Ahnnilator

 
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