There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 110,063,438 Issue: 169 | 10th day of Celebrating, Y6
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Neopia's National Vegetable?


by ginnyw143

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Have you ever gone to a page on Neopets and asked yourself, “What’s with all the asparagus?”? Well, it has happened to all of us. When I first started on this site, I came across a neopoll that asked me what I would want to hear more about. The answers ranged from Jeran and Lisha to faeries to, you guessed it! Asparagus.

Well, many would just say that Adam likes it. He does have four asparagus Chias after all. I think he used to have five, but that’s beside the point. Why do you suppose someone would like asparagus? I mean, all it is is a long, spear like vegetable that, depending on how it’s cooked, is rather mushy and not the best tasting thing you could have.

Just think for a moment of your pet. You know which one, the stubborn one that’s always causing trouble? For me it’s my Poogle, Lupin… *Lupin whacks me over the head with an old rolled up copy of the Neopian Times* …I mean I don’t have one, *ahem*, but could you imagine that pet bounding home from Neoschool, dragging his or her younger sibling by the tail and saying, “I want some asparagus!” It just doesn’t happen.

Therefore, there must be some kind of hidden something with all this asparagus. I don’t care what Fyora says, (just kidding, please give me a quest!); asparagus not just Battledome material. So I have come up with a list of ten possible reasons for it.

1) Kougras on Mystery Island use it for a sacred ritual. Believe me; I do live on Mystery Island. Watching asparagus rituals daily… ahhh, the advantages of not being a tourist…

2) Introducing the new and improved “Extreme Asparagus Counter”! Meridellians everywhere are being cured of boredom! Sinsi, you’ve really outdone yourself this time…

3) Neopets down for maintenance? Undercooked asparagus is just what you need for getting revenge on that Pteri! You know, maybe I’ll try that myself sometime…

4) My Poogle was once a Lupe… Chias come in an asparagus color… I think I see a connection here! Lupe owners rejoice for I have found a way of feeding your Lupe its daily serving of veggies!

5) And to you Chia owners and supporters? Sorry, mates. I support the Lupes only because I own them. Give me an asparagus Chia pop and I may reconsider…

6) In need of a way to finally defeat that unbeatable mutant Grundo from the Battledome? Throw an asparagus at him. They’re sold at the Hidden Tower so they have to work, right?

7) “You have a new quest! The fire faerie says, ‘Go get me my asparagus!’” I suppose that works, but how did a faerie lose her asparagus, I wonder?

8) “Something has happened! The Pant Devil steals your asparagus!” How does this help, you ask? Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting for the Pant Devil to steal something from me so I could finally complete Defenders of Neopia, Mission one?!?

8) “I’m sorry, but I have no choice but to leave you at the pound,” the owner says sorrowfully to her pet. “Here. Take this to remember me by.” “Wow!” exclaims the pet. “Asparagus! You are the best owner ever!” The perfect parting gift.

9) No! Pant Devil! Come back! You can have my Darigan paint brush, my Jeran and Lisha plushies, even my pirate Gallion! *Gallion bites the pet on the nose* “But please, don’t take my asparagus!”

10) And the last reason I came up with? Hmmm… Wait, I know! If you write about asparagus, you’ll be almost guaranteed to get in the Neopian Times! Yay, I’m so smart… and Lupin retrieves that copy of the Neopian Times… I bet it has something about asparagus in there!

While I have provided a few amusing and, ahem, less than likely reasons, there are, quite obviously, more possibilities. And I say who better to ask what they think than my pets? Unfortunately, I was only able to get a hold of Kytoki and Padfoot. Why not Lupin when he's right here you ask me as I glare at him? Well, two reasons. First of all, he's now throwing his Times issue and is way to unpredictable to talk to, and second I think he took that comment about eating asparagus Chias a bit too seriously... Wait, Lupin! No! Don't eat Adam's Chia!

*gets up and straightens hair* Well, now that that's all sorted out, how about Padfoot first? Ahem, Hello, Padfoot! Glad you could talk!

Padfoot- Me too.

Ginny- So, Padfoot, what is your opinion about the purpose of asparagus?

Padfoot- I think their use must be connected somehow in a knowledgeable plan of King Hagan's. They make no sense as they are, therefore someone like Hagan must have a plan for them.

Next, I asked Kytoki.

Ginny- Now that you heard Padfoot's hypothesis, what do you think?

Kytoki- I think what he said was completely wrong. *Padfoot glares evilly at her* Obviously what happened is a farmer in Meridell grew them one day, Meridell was rediscovered, and I don't really know how someone can lose a kingdom like it ever moved, and pets got reacquainted with them. The Chia pops were made and they hit instant popularity because of how loved Chias were.

Ginny- Well, that's interesting. Anyway, I'm sure these ideas were either well liked or thought of as less than possible.

I hope you enjoyed reading my little article. If you would like to Neomail me, ask me something, challenge one of my pets in the Battledome, give me a Draik transmogrification potion, or something else, by all means do so. Well, I think I should stop for I am tired of adding every other word into this computer’s dictionary, though I am curious as to what it thinks they mean, before all 49 pets are on here.

 
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