Ten Steps to Save Yourself from Sloth
Yep. We've all heard of Dr. Frank Sloth. He's done all manner of evil things,
such as lighting robots on fire and chasing them, taking over the New Features,
mutating our pets, and other various things. What if you could humiliate him in
public? That would definitely be worth seeing. Of course, you could do other sneaky
things to get rid of the green evildoer. Let's see if you fancy any of these ways.
1. Put up Smokey the Gnorbu posters! If you put up those fire prevention
posters, then Sloth can't set robots on fire, chase them, and scare you to pieces!
Just imagine what it would be like. The robots would be eternally grateful,
and, if you're cunning enough, do your bidding....
Amount of safety time: Until the posters fall off the walls, which translates
into one week.
2. Smear his robes with pastries, put a frilly tutu in his closet, and "fix"
his washing machine. First, you should disguise yourself as a repairman
or repairwoman. Dress in clothes that you think would be appropriate for your
role, and practice your repairman/repairwoman voice. Arrive at his lair, and
then tell him that the villains have been having trouble with their washing
machines, so he should let you check for any problems. He'll let you into his
laundry room, and you'll whip out your "supplies," which will be washing supplies
boxes filled with sugar, lemonade, ice cream, and other things that you think
would mess up a washing machine. After you've screwed it up, you'll tell him
that the new "Washing Machine Virus" has invaded his washing machine and there's
nothing you can do. Then, after he goes to bed, you sneak back and smash all
types of messy food into his robes. Then, you can put a frilly tutu in his closet.
He won't want to wear dirty robes, as he has dignity, so he'll wear the tutu.
Then, you guys can laugh all you want.
Amount of safety time: Until Sloth takes his robes to the cleaners or hand-washes
them, which translates into five hours.
3. Alter his calendar. After sneaking into his house in the dead of
night again (you bad Neopian!), you can fix up his calendar. Then, all 365 days
will be marked as Sloth Appreciation Day. On Sloth Appreciation Day, Sloth can
do what he wants. Unfortunately, you'll leave the other calendars alone. Sloth,
thinking he can do anything, will be on his worst behavior, thus making the
Defenders of Neopia lock him up.
Amount of safety time: It depends on what he does. I'm guessing that he'll
be locked up for approximately eight months.
4. Change the letters in Lenny Conundrum number 179. If you can move
the letters around, or replace them with new letters, thus creating an impossible
code, the Neopians will not be able to solve the riddle and give him the password!
Sloth will not be able to get to all of his top-secret files, and he won't get
his plans for taking over Neopia!
Amount of safety time: It all depends on when you do it. If some Neopians
have already submitted correct answers, you will buy no time, but if you do
it very early, you can buy a month, which translates to until he gets new plans.
5. Start hanging out with Zargrold, a.k.a. the Cool Grundo. Start talking
to him, sympathizing about how cruel Sloth is to him, and then, when he's completely
opened up, ask him about Sloth's secrets. Zargrold will feel that he can trust
you, and then he'll tell you about all of Sloth's embarrassing moments, like
the time that Sloth bent over to pick up his sludge gun, and his robe ripped
in front of his secret crush, Vira. Of course, after you learn them, thank Zargrold,
and then go tell everybody about them. Then, sit back, and watch Sloth get humiliated.
Amount of safety time: Sloth has been terrorizing everybody for a long time,
so they probably won't forget for a good two months.
6. Plug up his gun. Sloth adores destroying your prized items and turning
them into piles of stinky sludge. While you could put all of your favorite items
in your Safety Deposit Box, where's the fun in that? You know the old saying,
better safe than sorry? Well, I say better silly than safe. When he sleeps (why
do a lot of these include sneaking into his headquarters?), take all of his
guns, and then plug them up with leftover pastries from #2. Then, when Sloth
tries to shoot, nothing will happen! Sadly, his technology is too advanced for
the gun to explode.
Amount of safety time: Sadly, Sloth is rather smart, so it'll only take
him one day to figure out that his guns are being plugged up.
7. Mess up his bathroom. Well, we all know that Sloth is rather proud
of his sickly green complexion, so we can fix this up. Sloth always uses Pea
Soap, so his skin stays nice and green. When he's asleep (not again!), take
his soap and replace it with Peophin Fragrant Soap. He's always a little groggy
in the mornings, anyway. If you don't want to take any chances, you can replace
his Rancid Dung Coffee with a Cup of Tea. But before he wakes up, you should
remember how proud he is of his messy hair. He always uses a Firestorm Bottle
on his sloppy green locks, but you can replace it with Shampoo. Thanks to his
Cup of Tea, he won't notice until it's too late. His hair will be slick and
Amount of safety time: Only one day, since Sloth probably has more Pea Soap
and Firestorm Bottles.
8. Fiddle with fashion. Well, find the issue of Neopian Times during
the Month of Swimming. You know, the one that showed all the Unis and Jetsams
in bathing suits? Take all of the Uni pictures, and fix them up. Color their
bodies green, and then stick pictures of Sloth's head on the models. Then, fix
up some paper to make it look like the Neopian Times, and then pass them out
and scream, "Sloth wears girly bathing suits!"
Amount of safety time: Like in #5, everybody will remember for two months.
9. Plug up his gun, part two: Instead of clogging up his sludge gun,
get some supplies and take them with you when you raid Sloth's lair (now, since
I've been telling you guys to do it so many times, I expect that you now do
it on a nightly basis). Take his guns, and then take them apart. When you find
the little area where the sludge is kept, remove the sludge and replace it with
hearts from the Bottle of Love, Mixed Flowers, and other things that are not
manly. Sloth will be so embarrassed when he laughs maniacally, gets his sludge
gun, pulls the trigger, and shoots flowers and hearts into the Neopian's inventory!
Amount of safety time: Only one hour, since Sloth will realize that you
tampered with his gun and refill them with sludge.
10. Make your own guide: These aren't the only ways to torture him!
You could invent your own, more creative ways to humiliate him! Oh, hold on,
OlGrumpy's saying something. What? I am not being lazy and skipping a tenth
step! How dare you say that! Oh, fine. The tenth way is to pay his cooks
to ruin the food at his banquets. He'll be serving the food, and then everybody
will be gagging, breathing fire (that can be done with some of his leftover
Firestorm Bottles), and running out. Maybe he'll even be removed from the Gallery
of Evil! Imagine that!
Amount of safety time: The villains are rather smart, so it will only take
one week for them to realize that attacking his allies was evil, so they'll
let him back in.
If you follow this guide's instructions, you can buy a grand total of thirteen
months, sixteen days, and six hours of total freedom! Imagine that!
Search the Neopian Times
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