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Virtupets Space Training for Dummies


by profusions

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Welcome to Virtupets Space Training for Dummies. Ever wanted to explore the depths of space? Fly a spaceship thing? This manual will guide you through the training process, and hopefully you won't crash your ship... in space.

Step One: Know your Science

When you're an astronomical person, you should know your science. So, all you need to do is go to the Booktastic Book shop and buy some books with spaceships on them. Anything with a picture of a Grundo on the front will also do. The pretty pictures inside the book should help you understand the science part; the text is useless. In science there are a lot of chemicals, symbols and other... important things. Apparently Kauvara is an expert when it comes to potions, so she works with chemicals, obviously. Rumour has it that she accepts backstreet bribes in order for tutoring, so if you have Neopoints to spare, then why not get some first class tutoring from her? Careful, though, she's very petulant.

Science is also a key factor in um... space. It helps you tell the difference between a star and a planet such as Neopia. You don't want to accidentally mistake a giant star for Neopia, do you? The difference is simple; a star generates its own light, whereas a planet reflects light (from the sun); it cannot create light. So if you see a dull round thing, it's safe to land on.

Step Two: Engineering

If you want to fly your own little space shuttle, then you'll get nowhere without engineering knowledge. If it broke down in space due to a circuit break, then you need to fix it. A random passerby isn't good enough; they could steal your ship... couldn't they? *shifty eyes* Everybody wants to steal your ship; they're out to get you, so you have to fix it yourself. Are there any D.I.Y. shops in Neopia? Could someone check that please? Thank you.

Anyway, so all you need is a hammer, and some pins. Hairclips are good, too; bits of metal get the circuit flowing. If something sparks, don't throw water on it, which would make it worse. Instead, just watch it and see if it stops.

When you know a little engineering, then you'll understand all those buttons and stuff. Darn them! In your spaceship there are literally thousands of buttons, levers and other complicated gadgets. Back to the Booktastic Book shop for you!

Step Three: Training Day

You already know that training is incredibly important, so I won't rub it in. We don't know why we say training day, because it doesn't last a day, more like eternity, but we'll talk about that later. On your training day you'll learn how to fly, though not quite ... Instead, you'll learn how to fly using a virtual simulator. It will be like flying a spaceship but much safer. Training will last approximately six months depending on how well you do; during this time you will take lessons in a real Sloth V300 space shuttle fresh from Kreludor. If you damage the ship during training, then you will have to replace it. 1.6 million Neopoints and no arguments.

At the end of the training, you will have to take numerous written exams which will tell us how much you learned. These are free, but if you fail you will have to pay to take them again. They basically ask questions about buttons, stars and other little things, so there's no reason why you should fail... Providing you know what each of the 1,300 buttons in the Sloth V300 do. There are 136 written exams in total and each exam is eight pages long. We hope you enjoy them. Once you have finished, it will feel like you've been training forever, but all that hard work will pay off when you pass, won't it? Be sure to pick up some booklets (if you pass) about which spaceships are available in stores; Kreludor has some amazing ones.

Step Four: Passing

Your results should arrive by Neomail; be warned, however, your inbox will be full, considering how many exams you took. After spending a couple of hours reading your results it's time to head to the post office and collect your licence (you get a free stamp too, wow). You're now eligible to fly any ship you like (not literally), but most ships anyway. It's time to head over to Kreludor, and luckily this manual will provide a few tips on which ships to buy and how to navigate them... Actually, if you want to learn how to navigate them, then you'll have to see our other products.

Step Five: Buying your Ship

If you bonded with the Sloth V300, then why not buy one? Although they're the most expensive model in the range, these ones have never attempted to conquer Neopia and are very reliable. You should already know how to fly one of these, but you get a free instruction manual anyway.

Another great spaceship is the Space-O-Matic 2; these are far more complicated that the Sloth V300, but they're cheaper and not to mention they look nicer. There's only one problem with these and that's trying to start them. In order to get the engine going you need to turn around three times, clap your hands, shimmy to the left, shout, "we will rock you," and touch the ground. Repeat this four times and your ship will run smoothly. Or, you could always use the key, but that's not exactly traditional. Modern rubbish, if you ask me.

Once you have bought your ship you're free to explore space and become the next Ace Zafara. We here at Virtupets are not responsible for anything that goes wrong on your journey; that's all down to you. We hope you found our manual useful and you could also see more of our products such as "Beating the Space Faerie for Dummies" - one which we're proud to say Dr. Sloth used; sadly he never read it - and "Orbulons are Invading".

Those pesky Petpets are worse than Meepits, we tell you! We're not lying, you must believe us! No, please get that jacket away from me; I'm not going with you... Noooooo! Someone do someth... *Silence*

 
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