Reporting live from Neopia Circulation: 90,555,321 Issue: 168 | 2nd day of Celebrating, Y6
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Wacky Island Mystic Fortunes: Part 2


by gkskis

--------

Your luck will alter without your noticing.

WOOHOO! YOU HAVE WON THE JACKPOT OF NEOPOINTS ON DICE-A-ROO! YOU HAVE ALSO WON THE 10x MULTIPLIER! CONGRATULATIONS!

But I’m not even playing Dice-A-Roo!

King of Dice-A-Roo: Good point, you aren’t! *runs away with the huge jackpot*

Maybe I shouldn’t have pointed that out…

You will quickly decide to feed your pets mashed potatoes.

Really?

*reads Neopian Times*

ALERT! FOOD SHORTAGE!

By: Andrew Peophin

There is a major food shortage across Neopia… the only thing left in abundance…potatoes! Yes, mashed, grilled, smothered with cheese, any kind you like it, selling for 10 NP a scoop in stores throughout Neopia, right now!

(Some restrictions apply; see tiny invisible print for details.)

Why are you always so good at predictions, Island Mystic? *sighs and goes off to buy potatoes*

Island Mystic: Haha!

You will happen across gold and jewels on Terror Mountain.

Really? And do I find these jewels and the gold in a certain cave in the Ice Caves of Terror Mountain where a certain gigantic ice worm lives?

Island Mystic: *goes into trance* You will *attempt* fight off a giant worm of ice!

I thought so…

You will defeat in single combat a pack of four-headed Zafaras.

Here we go again…

Your direction in life will cease unexpectedly.

Not again…

You will fight off countless enormous Aishas.

I’m tired of fighting off all these monsters! Can’t I have a break?

*countless enormous Aishas appear*

Is that a no? *gulps and draws rubber toy sword*

You will discover your best friends items at the Smoothie Shop.

What friends?

You will mistakenly crush a Chia plushie at the Battle Magic Shop.

Oh I see! An angry Lupe hating Chias ran into the battle magic shop looking for some weapons in his fight against Chias. He left his Chia plushie in here, which he forgot to rip up, apparently.

Angry Lupe: Well you won’t do this thing calling “seeing” if you don’t give me back my ruined Chia plushie so I can repair it!

You will totally forget a Kau Plushie in Faerieland.

What????

You will have excellent fortune on Mystery Island.

Tombola man: MORE TOMBOLA JUNK! Haha! Have a nice Tiki-Tack day! Oh yes and I be needing 200,000 more NP! *takes 250k more NP*

*crawls to Neopian hospital*

(Note: yes I meant for the misspelling in Neopian hospital)

You will lose all your Neggs at the Wishing Well.

NO! I don’t want Dr. Sloth to get my neggs!

Dr. Sloth: *evil grin* Thanks! Wait there are none except a couple melted chocolate neggs!

Hehe, I don’t HAVE any neggs except for melted chocolate ones!

You will have unexpected luck on Mystery Island.

Tombola dump?

Island Mystic: You guessed it.

*Toy sail boats and gross food rain down onto me*

You will be taunted by countless enormous Kaus.

Enormous Kau 1: Hahahaha!

Enormous Kau 2: Hahahaha!

Enormous Kau 3: Hahahaha!

Okay, that’s enough now.

Leader of Enormous Kaus: Sorry…

You will lose gold and jewels in the Ice Caves.

You find some, you lose some. Wait I will lose gold and jewels! *locks them in ultra-tight safety-deposit box and locks with locks combinations I don’t even know*

Your ability to breathe will alter unexpectedly.

If that means I will get gills… *dunks head in water*

You will quickly make a decision to feed your Eyries.

What Eyries?

Dr. Sloth: I climbed out of the Wishing Well for a bit so I could breath some fresh air and I *accidentally* dropped a few Eyrie morphing potions I *just* happened to have on hand on your pets! Sorry! Well not really…

Well I guess we have to find you Eyries some food, don’t we?

Grr… I’ll prove you wrong someday, Mr. Island Mystic!

You will be assaulted by scores of flying Scorchios!

Whatever… I’m used to this by now.

You will have treacherous luck in Maraqua.

I understand…I’ve played Raiders of Maraqua.

You will have ungodly fortune at the Smoothie Shop.

I seem to be a smoothie-kind of person, with my luck at the Smoothie Shop!

You will be taunted by a pack of psychotic Sloth's Minions.

Pack of psychotic Sloth minions: Hehe, we have a message from Sloth from the well of wishing. He says that your pebbles and stones keep on missing! Hehe… toodles! We hope you have luck NOT in oodles!

You will defeat in single combat scores of snarling Mutants.

*snarl* *snarl* to you too! Let’s get this over with already, I’m hungry!

Your direction in life will cease in a strange way.

*falls to the floor* *in a muffled voice* I guess you were right!

You will be chased by scores of enraged Kaus.

Is this a sort of Neopian version of Running of the Bulls?

You will have bad fortune in the Uni Meadows.

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that…

You will happen across a Blumaroo Plushie on Mystery Island.

Not another plushie!

You will rapidly realise that you must pretend your name is Keith.

Another conspiracy? Probably.

Island Mystic: Hello… Keith.

Your ability to sing will alter without your noticing.

Laaaaaaaa!

*windows break and glass shatters*

I thought since I was a terrible singer, I would alter to be better!

Island Mystic: Not so, you altered for the worse… oh look, now you broke my crystal ball for real!

You will rapidly decide to put your finger in your ear.

*scratches inside ear* Why would I do that?

You will accidentally discard somebody else's trousers in Happy Valley.

Eh, I don’t think I’ll comment. Aren’t you going a little far, Mr. Island Mystic? Oh and what is your name, Mr. Island Mystic, so I don’t keep having to call you Mr. Island Mystic, Mr. Island Mystic?

Your confidence will change in a strange way.

What if when I get up from this chair, I fall? What if…?

Island Mystic: Shut your yapping… it isn’t fun to predict SOME stuff, because it annoys you when it actually happens…

Like when? Oh should I have said that? Oh dear…

Island Mystic: Like now… -_-

You will have stolen from you rare Neggs on Mystery Island.

I don’t want to steal from myself! *runs off crying*

You will have perilous fortune in Faerieland.

*straps on helmet and parachute*

You will have unusual fortune at the Bank.

Nooo, the Skeith Takers Plan is back!

You will suffer injuries from several purple Lennies.

A note to all Neopians: Lennies aren’t JUST smart...

You will accidentally discard a blue Aisha Plushie in Neopia Central.

There have been so many plushie fortunes already, so who cares? *yawns*

You will lose a bottled Faerie on Terror Mountain.

Balthazar: I love fortunes and eavesdropping… hehe.

Island Mystic: Hey me too! Except I like to “eavesdrop” on the future.

You will eventually realise you have to never eat bananas.

Good, good. Wait I like bananas! *cries*

You will have amazing fortune in the Ice Caves.

Scratchcard Wocky: You now have a Peak ‘O Plenty scratchcard!

Wow!

Pant Devil and his secret brothers: But I am here to steal something! Hmm… let me pick completely at random…. Peak ‘O Plenty scratchcard! *steals it*

*complains* I thought I would have amazing fortune!

Island Mystic: You did. I just didn’t mention the whole pant devil part! *chuckles* I love my job.

You will be chased by scores of psychotic Nimmos.

Blah, blah, blah… I’m used to your crazy-predictions-which-are-usually-not-true-to-the-word by now!

*is chased by scores of psychotic Nimmos*

Please give me a good fortune tomorrow?

You will suffer injuries from a flock of three-headed Eyries.

I’m not so lucky, am I?

*ducks and cover head while flock of three-headed Eyries bites and claws me*

Wait, three-headed Eyries?

FINALLY:

You will have a very busy life.

I sure will! (note that this fortune was completely made up)

Well that’s it. (for now) Hope you enjoyed my article and please feel free to Neomail me with comments!

BIG thanks to EVERYONE at the Neopian Times Writers Forum, I’m sorry I can’t list all the usernames, but there are COUNTLESS users that helped with the Island Mystic fortunes!

--gkskis

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

A Scrap of Reality
"A Little Cute"

by shikononi

---------

About a Pet Boulder
"Being Cheap"

by tambourine_chimp

---------

8 Steps to Ultimate DOOM!
Have you ever wanted to spook your friends, but have always failed? Maybe you would just like to improve on your skills?

by magicofexcalibur

---------

Homemade
Phew, something smells!

by fairystripe



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.