10 Things Kaodoaties Don't Eat
Before we begin, I know what you are thinking, "Holy Sloth! There are ten
food items that the greedy brats don't like to eat?" Yes, that is quite true,
but keep in mind that the Kaddies eat non-food items as well. Therefore, it is
only fair that they don't like eating some food and non-food items. (Yes,
you may want to read that once more if I lost you!)
Please note: When the word 'Kad' or 'Kaddie' is said, it is shorthand for
Something that I must point out before you attempt to continue reading this
is: Never call a Kadoatie evil to its face. (Even though they are!!!) This will
result in the loss of your shoes. (Because they will eaten, of course!)
1. The Kadoaties will never ever eat your clean socks!!!
This is because clean socks leave a bitter taste in their mouths. Instead,
they prefer stinky, moldy socks that have been worn by Meuka himself! (I have
been told that the mucus that is left behind crystallizes and tastes like a
yummy can of Raspberry Neocola!) I personally do not recommend that you taste
test this, however; you never know what could happen to you!
2. Kadoaties will NEVER eat themselves or other Kadoaties!
If they ate each other, they would be coughing up hairballs all the time and
would never be hungry! If they were never hungry, us poor Kad Feeders would
be out of a job. (However, if they did eat each other... perhaps we would get
better sleep at night since there would be less of them whining!)
3. Kads refuse to drink Tchea Tea or any other Coffee related item.
This is simply because one time, Snarkie the Kadoatie took such a large sip
of the hot beverage that she scalded her tongue. The poor thing's tongue hurt
so bad that she could not eat no matter how hard she tried. (As we all know,
if a Kad is not fed when it is hungry, it will cry and cry and cry!) The ear-splitting
cries eventually led to poor Toni being driven insane. You can find her now
fantasizing about a non-existent "Bat Man." (You do know that he isn't real
4. The Kads oddly enough, do not eat candy such as Lime Neodrops.
We all know that when you eat candy, you get cavities. Kadoaties can't afford
to get cavities! Eating is their life and their passion. (Annoying us with their
cries is their gift!) Anyway, if a Kadoatie got a cavity, it would be extremely
hungry, and its tooth would hurt; and who do you think has pay for its hunger
and teeth? Fellow feeders, of course, and we hate paying extra just to feed
5. If a Kad was caught eating Aquatic Foods, he/she would be starved!
Aquatic Foods, otherwise known as seafood, is off limits to all Kadoaties.
This is because Kads are secretly allergic to all aquatic food items. However,
this is classified information. No one other than yourself must know this!
Another reason is, once the Kadoatie has an allergic reaction to the food, they
become increasingly hungry. Instead of wanting food every 30 minutes, they want
food every 30 seconds! (Trust me, you so do not want that to happen!)
6. Another food type that we don't feed the Kadoaties is Gross Foods.
Yeah, I know. Ewwwwww, right? Nobody, not even the Kaddies, likes this disgusting
food group! (Honestly, do you know anyone who thinks Rancid Old Meat is yummy?)
No, you do not. Also, there was this one time when a feeder tried to
feed Lawyerbot the Kadoatie a Dung Cream Sandwich and the poor feeder was sued
by the Petpet Protection League.
7. Feeding a Kadoatie any Smoothie or Slushie type drink is a bad idea!
Even though there are many delicious flavours, such as the Chocolate Chip Cookie
Slushie and the Small Original Kiwi Smoothie, they are far too cold for the
'innocent' little beggars! (We would not want them to have a brain freeze, now
would we?) *cough* YES! WE WOULD! *cough*
8. Baked Food types and Kads do not mix well!
The Baked Foods are a lot like Candy. They contain tons of Neopian Sugar in
every bite... which as we all know, is not healthy for the Kaddies! (I.E. Cavities!)
Another problem with the sugary sweets is the fact that the Kadoaties gain weight.
If they gain too much weight, The Neopets Team can't fit them into their cages!
This would give TNT a terrible headache and it would give the Meepits a chance
to take over once more!
9. Blue Draik Eggs are no more!
Ahh, yes, that is right! The Kadoaties no longer ask for the ultra-expensive
Draik Eggs. (Yes, TNT, we send you our love!) However, it is thanks to feeders
like Stacy and Sora who poked and jabbed at the staff to take away the ebil
eggs! (TNT: We are sorry for the bruises that you have sustained due to the
poking! Or are we?! *evil laughter*)
10. Kaddies cannot eat, lick, slobber on, or come near Meepits!
If caught eating a Meepit, they will be attacked by an angry Meepit Army controlled
by Sugar. (Yes, yes, I know... Meepits can be quite yummy, but still!) ... Not
that I would know a Meepit tastes like! *cough* MEEP! MEEP MEEP!
No seriously! I have never eaten a Meepit, I promise! If I have eaten a Meepit
before, I would be able to tell you that they taste like a Raspberry Milkshake.
AHHH! I mean... uh... help! Meep!
I hope that this article has assured you that Kadoaties do not eat everything
that they touch. I also hope that I have assured how evil Kads really are! I
also hope that you can save me from the Meepits! *sobs* MEEP!
Author's Note: Any names mentioned in this article such 'Snarkie, Lawyerbot,
Toni, Sora, Stacy, and Sugar' are based on Kadoatie names and/or Kadoatie Feeders.
Also: Thanks to Piper, Kirsty, and Sora for helping me come up with my ideas.
You have helped tremendously!
Neomails and such are welcome - Kads really are evil!