Nine Ways That Toast Can Save Your Life
If someone asked you to name an item that could save your life, what would you
say? A parachute? A slice of neopox pizza? A giant jelly that works like the giant
omelette? (What a crazy idea!) Yes, those would all save you (except for the last,
which is just plain crazy). But what about toast? Yes, I said toast. I have made
it my life's mission to educate you on the powers of toasted bread. Okay, so maybe
I was bored. But during those 8 hours of boredom I could have been doing absolutely
nothing, so be grateful that I made this sacrifice for you.
1. You promised your petpet feepit that you would take it to the Haunted Woods
for Halloween, but its idea for a meepit costume would be much too scary (for
little children and yourself). But it's the 30th day of Haunting already! Where
will you find a costume in time? In your babaa toaster, of course! Simply hollow
out a piece of pumpkin ghost toast, grab your petpet, and shove it inside!
A fast, cheap, and yummy costume!
2. Oh no! You insulted your feepit by telling it that it couldn't be a meepit
so much that it swelled with indignation and riiiiiip! To your horror,
you realize that your beloved feepit is actually a meepit pretending to be a
feepit wanting to pretend to be a feepit to confuse you! (It worked, I bet;
the clever beastie.) In its rage, those creepy, staring eyes began to glow.
You stare back, transfixed. It might have had you then if you hadn't remembered
the piece of mecha tiger jam and toast in your hand! You quickly reflect
that gaze of PY0R 3B1L back at it with the mirror-like surface of the metal
toast. You scoop up some of the jam and throw it at that little fiend! (Everyone
knows that tiger jam is the meepit's only weakness.)
3. The meepit is gone. After you showed off your 1337 jam throwing skills,
it won't be back, right? Left. Or wrong. Not only had it returned, but it had
also brought backup! With deadly weapons! But instead of running from their
marshmallow shooters (they shoot marshmallows up to 30 ft!), you valiantly block
the would-be-fatal blows with your toast shield! Extremely tedious to
make, these rare shields are gradually toasted over the course of many years,
giving it a hard, crisp, and tasty exterior.
4. Unfortunately, the meepits think the shield is just as tasty as you did.
Not good. Whose idea was it to use a toast shield? Oh... wait... Anyway. You're
surrounded! What do you do? Then it hits you. Literally.
Something has happened!
The Golden Pteri flies by, but since none of your Neopets are Pteris, it just
drops a piece of faerie toast with butter on your head and flies away.
You hastily grab the wing-shaped toast and stick it to your back. Butter is
a surprisingly strong adhesive! Somehow you manage to fly away. Huzzah for butter!
5. Or maybe not-so-huzzah-for-butter. You flew too close to the sun and the
butter melted! Your toast becomes even more toasted and you fall down... SPLAT!
Uh oh. You landed into a Pteri's nest (luckily empty) and broke one of its eggs!
Could this day get any worse?! Yes, apparently. Out of all the nests you could
have landed in, you HAD to choose the Golden Pteri's nest! (I bet it wishes
that it hadn't dropped that toast on your head now!) You know that no one messes
with the Golden Pteri and gets away with it. And if things could possibly get
worse, you could see the meepits breaching a hill in the distance! Hurry up
and get that boiled egg on toast out of your pocket! Take out the inside,
put the shell on the ground, and offer to pay a shady looking beakadoodle 10k
if it pretends to be the Golden Pteri's chick for the day. (Hopefully the Golden
Pteri has a bad case of Blurred Vision!)
6. The Golden Pteri was so grateful that you protected its chick from the meepits
(which is of course what you were doing *shifty eyes*) that it dropped you off
in the farthest place possible from them: the Altador Dance Club! Maybe you
could get help there! (At this point the meepits had retreated to their fortress
of EBIL to plot.) But Jenna da Bouncer said you couldn't enter unless you were
in costume. How could you forget? Tonight was the famous Altadorian Masquerade
Disco! Although you try to explain that you were hiding from the meepits, she
just laughed at you and your n00bish excuse. Hmm... now you're really in a pickle.
(Psst... d-i-s-c-o t-o-a-s-t... but you didn't hear it from me. *shifty eyes*)
And it came to you as plainly as if someone had spelled it out for you! Which
no one did. Honest. You bite out eye-and-mouth holes in a piece of disco
toast! Jenna da Bouncer lets you in, where you seek help and refuge.
7. You explain your situation to the Quiggle who runs the club and the only
other member, who is an orange Yurble that looks vaguely familiar. You all agree
that the only way to defeat the meepits is to take down their walled fortress
of EBIL... But how? You turn to the book Gallery of Toast for help. It's
full of toast sculptures, which gives that Yurble an idea...
8. You can't believe you went through with his idea! Building a giant, hollow
Kau toast sculpture would never work! Someone would have thought of it
thousands of years ago, used it to win some war, and then some blind poet would
have written an extremely long poem about it, which would still be revered as
a timeless classic. But has it been? No! The Kau is rolled up to their fortress
of EBIL, from which you could hear the meepits, well, meeping. They open the
gate and brought it in, at which point you jump out, sporks at the ready. There
are a lot more than you expected. They stare at you, then at each other, and
then they start rolling around, meeping with laughter... They are so amused
that they don't even notice as you push the Kau over. THUMP! It smushed them
all and their fortress of EBIL! Which was the plan all along. Honest. You celebrate
your victory and then you go home, rather hungry.
9. And now for the final and best way that toast can save your life (and it
only takes one plain piece of toast)... by eating it! Well, you probably
never want to see another piece of toast again after- Ding-dong! Hold on...
Oh! Isn't it a cute little feepit at the door! What? You want to be a meepit
for Halloween? Here, why don't you wear a piece of this piece of pumpkin ghost