Pirates Versus Ninjas
Honor. Glory. A reason to beat up helpless Neopians.
These are a few perks of becoming either a Pirate or a Ninja. There is not
a lot known about the history of this debate, but it is believed that long ago,
a Pirate Captain plundered the whole of Mystery Island, stealing everything
that shimmered and shone. He happened to stumble up to the tip-top of Techo
Mountain and found a "Secret" Ninja training school. They clashed like the mightiest
of titans, but the fight only ended when both of them collapsed from utter exhaustion
with no clear winner. This is only a myth, but who knows? It could be the truth
to the source of this animosity.
But why has this continued on for so many decades? You can go speak to the
amazing, swashbuckling, super-cool and scurvy-inducing-ly wise Captain Threelegs
yourself. (I must say, I have a slight bias, but this doesn't interfere with
finding out the weakness of - I mean, that is to say... reporting on them thar
light-fearin' yeller-bellied... ahem. Rather honorable and boring Ninjas.) The
Captain himself warns you not to trust that beast-of-a-Techo on Mystery Island.
When we asked him about this, he rolled his eyes - the nerve! - at us and said,
"A fool will learn nothing from a wise man, but a wise man will learn much from
a fool." (He was calling me a fool! Really! He was! I think. If it was a joke,
it wasn't very funny!)
After being so insulted by this so-called Techo Master, I went and attempted
to interview a few of his followers. The keyword here is "attempted". Because
I couldn't find them. I also attempted to interview a few of my kinsmen, but
they were in the middle of committing a mutiny, or something.
So, I really have no other proof of this grudge, or that Pirates are victorious.
(But they are! They ARRRRR.) Maybe we can find where the truth of this grudge
started if we analyze the two parties.
Ninjas are generally characterized by a disdain for color, are very quiet,
have a strict code of honor and yet are backstabbing assassins. They don't like
the daylight because they wear all black and can't really fit in with their
surroundings. They're far from social butterflies and make a living by protecting
people with cash.
Pirates are rather flamboyant, wearing snazzy coats and oversized hats. They're
as loud as all get out and like to THINK they have some sort of honor, but really,
it's just a lie they tell themselves to make themselves feel better than ninjas.
Generally, Pirates don't like daylight because authority figures can recognize
them easily and the light gives them a headache; it's because of all the seawater
they drank when they were marooned on that island. Pirates get their spare cash
by plundering, sacking and burning cities, towns and villages, all while not
giving a hoot about it. Pirates also create strange words and have their own
way of saying things. Ninjas... well, they just don't say much at all.
So, while there are aspects that are polar opposites about these two groups,
there are similarities. Let's take a look at famous figures that aren't my beloved
Cap'n Threelegs or that scallywag Techo Master.
Niten Hiroru is a traveling ninja with a really, really big sword. I
mean, this sword is bigger than any Kiko should ever be able to wield! How is
it possible, you and every other Neopian is wondering? Well, it's a well-known
fact that Kikos can defy logic. He's famous for defeating evildoers and what
Garin, a handsome young Usul, is the captain of his own Pirate ship,
the Black Pawkeet. I doubt any Ninja could say they've done THAT by age 15!
(Well, then again, why would a ninja want to be the Captain of a PIRATE ship?)
Not only has he won the hearts of millions, he saved Maraqua!
Ryushu the Nimmo is a trainee under the Techo Master. He will challenge
you to a fight in the Battledome the second you meet him, so steer clear. I'm
convinced he's evil.
Captain Scarblade is Garin's rival, who stole the black Pawkeet from
under his sea-legs. As far as evil goes, this guy's at the top of the Pirate
list. He gives a bad name to honest sailors who need to plunder for a living!
By looking at the famous Pirates and Ninjas of Neopia, we see that there is
good and evil to both sides. So, we're still at a stalemate.
Since we're running out of material, let's look at the merchandise that's available
on Neopets, and see who has cooler stuff.
Pirates have a Paint Brush, plushies, awesome hats, toys for the little ones,
furniture, paintings, flags, garden stuff and more.
Ninjas have... well, a resounding nothing. Then again, you just never know
with their type. They vanish all the time; maybe their stuff's invisible. Or
it's hidden in the shadows. In any case, they've got two paintbrushes - the
Shadow Paint Brush and the Invisible Paintbrush - two of the cheaper ones on
Basically, we're tied again! Augh! What does an honest Pirate have to do to
smash these Ninjas into the ground? Send 'em spinning to the wat'ry depths?
I give up. I really do.
What does this tell us?
That this war will never end and that we're doomed to pick sides for all eternity.
What do we do? How will we survive? Will there be no end to the fighting?
The correct answer is no. The fighting will never end. And I'm sure, you want
to know why.
Because both sides are just amazingly awesome! Pirates can blow stuff up and
take what they like and have a bunch of fun, and Ninja's honor allows them to
relax and not be pursued by the law and what have you. Both groups have dedicated
followings and even though it's a war, it's all in good fun. Even a scallywag
can make nice with a wall-crawling man (or woman!) of honor. Really, there isn't
any superior side, except, you know, the pirates.