Perhaps you will remember me from my work on The Asparagus Conspiracy. I have
worked long and hard, with many paranoid glances over my shoulder and many plates
of cookies, to bring to you research on another group of dastardly Neopets threatening
to overturn our beloved world at any given point.
They're cute, they're cuddly, and they could mean the end of the world as we
know it: the Chias.
Yeah, I'm sure we all know them as those little Neopets that rather resemble
large blobs with arms, feet, and the occasional hair-like appendage on the top
of their heads. But what are they really hiding behind those happy cutesy faces?
Some of the most powerful Neopet minds in Neopia, plotting, planning, and waiting
for their one chance to take over the Neopian world!
The first bit of evidence:
Those all-too-innocent Magical Chia Pops. Apple, Blueberry, Lemon... even Snowberry.
According to those who have undergone mysterious transformations after consuming
these pops, 'If you feed a Chia Pop to a Chia, a strange thing happens. The
Chia may well change into a special fruity type of Chia'. A-ha! The Chias, in
what may very well be their first step towards malicious domination, have demonstrated
their skills in manufacturing potions, disguised as harmless foods that can
Supposedly, these magical pops only work on Chias. However, I'm positive that
this is all part of the Chias' master plan. Many Neopets eat Chia Pops for enjoyment,
as many of them are deemed 'non-magical'. But who would expect the Chias slowly
changing the ingredients of the Chia Pops so that those so-called 'non-magical'
Chia Pops begin to change? That instead of being delicious foods, the Chia Pops
become weapons... weapons that will soon turn every Neopet who eats one, regardless
of species, into a Chia!
The second piece of evidence:
The numerous Neopian games involving Chias. We've got Chia Bomber 2, Carnival
of Terror, Feed Florg, Ice Cream Machine, and Jolly Jugglers! If we look closely
at these games, we will realize that they give us invaluable insight into the
world of the Chia, and the minds of these dangerous Neopets.
Chia Bomber 2 is a clear example of the aggressive tactics of Chias, and how
they are often at war with each other, portrayed by the cannons wielded by both
the star Chia and the Mud Chias. This proves that the Chias are quite warlike
in nature and should be kept under a watchful eye. Jolly Jugglers involves two
Chias sporting, once again, cannon-like weapons! Obviously the Chias have a
great knowledge of weaponry.
The dreaded Carnival of Terror is one of the games at the Deserted Fairground,
where none but the bravest souls venture in fear of the very Robot Chia Clowns
that are the evil opponents in the game. It is all too clear that Chias, while
hiding behind facades of friendly clowns, can 'go bad' and turn into evil, pie-throwing
maniacs. But nobody has yet considered the possibility that Chias were bad in
the first place.
Ice Cream Machine shows that, while seemingly resourceful, lucky, and fast,
Chias are quite good at dodging projectiles fired at high speeds from very dangerous
weapons. This would suggest that they have had much training in the subject
of battlefield tactics and maneuvers. If they were really the 'cute little Chias'
everyone supposed them to be, why would they need such knowledge?
Feed Florg also demonstrates the insatiable hunger for power that Chias have,
and warns us greatly against Mutant Chias in particular. No Petpet is save from
the voracious appetite of Florg! This leads us to wonder why such a Neopet is
not contained - the answer is simple. Chias have influence everywhere, and no
one wants to mess with the dark side of a Chia.
Third case of evidence:
Three words: The Jelly Chia. Many citizens of Neopia live in fear of this large,
blue, gelatinous foe meeting them in an alleyway, day or night. It can bounce
around at high speeds almost as fast as those of a Weewoo drinking NeoCola,
and it can crush anything and everything in its way. Is that all? Of course
not, as seen by the demise of its unlucky creator, the confectioner Wizzle,
it can also slowly dissolve its victims.
But surely, you say, it's just another evil denizen of Neopia!
Please remember that the Jelly Chia is an opponent in the single player Battledome,
with a high strength, one of about a hundred and twenty-five. You might think
this is easy, but why would a seemingly highly dangerous enemy be so much weaker
than we would expect? I mean, looking at the high strengths of other Neopets,
such as the Chiazilla, for example, (yet another malevolent Chia) you'd expect
that the Jelly Chia would have a high strength and be extremely difficult to
But what if that's what the Jelly Chia wants us to think? What if, every time
it was defeated, it inserted a tiny piece of its jelly into the Neopet who was
unfortunate enough to defeat it in battle? What if those little pieces of jelly
could act as mind control, adding millions of Neopets to the throngs of slaves
to the Chias?
Also, by looking at the Jelly Chia, you'd think that regular Chias (as if any
Chia can be called regular!) would not want to encourage this view of themselves
as vicious and aggressive Neopets. If that is so, why do they still sell Jelly
Chias? Tasty confectionary, or evil plot to poison both the minds and the stomachs
of Neopets? If it could happen to one Jelly Chia, it could happen to them all.
Fourth point of evidence:
Mika and Carassa are two Chias who live in an igloo at the very top of the
highest peak of Terror Mountain. Their 'Igloo Garage Sale' is one of the greatest
tourist attractions - it even has its own game! Every day, thousands of Neopets
wait around for the Chias to pop out of their home with some new item that they've
collected over the years. Everyone is waiting for a deal - and since they always
seem to get one, nobody has seen the real evil intents behind those two smiling
faces and puffy coats.
Why is it, how is it, that after all these years of practically giving away
items, Mika and Carassa never seem to run out of any? Where is this seemingly
endless supply of rare items coming from, and why have the two amassed so many
things that we covet but that they never seem to need? My theory is simple.
These many items are given away cheap because the Chias don't want anyone to
question their REAL plans.
After all, they never answer any questions... and they only laugh when people
wonder if it's all a trick to trap tourists into coming to Terror Mountain.
I'm sure that using the business as a tourist snare is only one ulterior motive
- the REAL plan must be to keep all those Neopets distracted from the secret
activities the Chias are conducting elsewhere on the mountain. After all, they
can't risk some foolhardy Neopet stumbling upon their underhanded operations!
Of course, we must also remember that, in handing out potions and liquids along
with everything else, does anyone really check to see if the bottles, and the
liquids themselves, have been tampered with? Of course not. And that's playing
right into the Chias' hands, because it would be so easy for them to slip a
little something into everything they give away that, someday in the future,
can be activated inside any Neopet that has drank one of the tampered potions
- and voila, thousands of brainwashed Neopets ready to join the Chia army of
My brave Neopian friends, I ask you to stay on your guard around Chias! If
you are a Chia, and you are reading this, you know that your evil plots will
not fool me so easily! You'll never catch me near Mika and Carassa's igloo -
unless of course it's with a fiery object in hand.
Remember: they may be cute, and they may be cuddly. But don't let their smiling
faces fool you. For the sake of unoriginality...
It's all a conspiracy, a Chia Conspiracy.