Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 123,711,044 Issue: 249 | 21st day of Swimming, Y8
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Zombies Need Love Too!


by jennuine_1

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So, you say your new pet is acting a little strange? She's sleeping all day long and awake throughout the night? Do you sometimes catch him nibbling on one of those grotesque squishy brain wraps? Does she walk around as if in a trance, drooling profusely, and moaning and groaning a bit too much for your taste?

Not to worry! It sounds like you have a zombie on your hands. I'm here to help! With a little patience and knowledge, taking care of a zombie pet can be a SNAP! My goal is to give you all the information you could ever need to provide a safe and loving home for your creepy new pet.

If you have a Mutant Kacheek living under your roof, then you are the proud owner of the only zombie pet available to own in all of Neopia!! Congratulations! I know, I know... technically he's a "Mutant" pet, but come on! Look at him!! He's a zombie and that's final. I don't want to hear another word about it.

When it comes to food for your zombie, the key word here is BRAINS! It's the only thing these guys and gals have a hankerin' for. Thanks to the Spooky Food Shop, you no longer have to head on over to your local graveyard to do the dirty work yourselves! There is now a veritable smorgasbord of brain flavoured treats for your pets. (The less questions asked about where the brains come from... the better.) Let's review a few of these delicious delicacies.

The Brain Muffin: Breakfast... the most important meal of the day. The Brain Muffin gives your little living dead just the right boost to start his day off right! Best of all, it will keep him regular! What more can you ask for?

The Brain Hot Dog: Imagine that! You actually know what this hotdog is made of! 100% prime brain. No lunch is complete without it! Except for your lunch of course... or mine... or really anyone's for that matter... unless they're a zombie.

The Brain Kebab: Want to have a barbeque but afraid your little bundle of brains will feel left out? Well, look no further!! Thanks to the Brain Kebab, zombies can join the party too. So bust out your skewers and turn up the grill!

Brain Ice Cream: What dinner is complete without dessert?!? Looks so scrumptious you may want to try it yourself! Tempting as it may be however, I would warn against it. Brain is an acquired taste. Trust me on this one.

It's VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT that you ALWAYS have a large supply of squishy brainy goodness on hand in your home. If you run out you're on your own. Don't say I didn't warn you. Just to be on the safe side you may want to invest in a durable cranium-protecting helmet for each of your family members. A few spare helmets for houseguests might help you avoid some embarrassing situations.

Now that we've covered food, let's move on to companionship. Contrary to popular belief, zombies need friends too! When considering a petpet for your brain eating bundle it is important to consider two things:

1. Zombies eat brains.

2. If a zombie gets hungry it will eat its friend's brains.

Therefore, it is important that his or her petpet either have no brain, or can hold its own if attacked.

For the "no-brain" category of petpets I suggest going with either a rock or a robot. While we adults are all aware that a plushie petpet has no brain, the stuffing will make quite a mess of your home while your little tyke goes through the process of figuring this out! The rock and robot petpets, while brainless, have the added benefit of being hard enough to discourage any curiosities.

As far as petpets that can hold their own against a brain-eater, you're going to need quite the vicious little petpet! We only know of one terrifying enough to withstand the threat of a zombie:

The Meepit: Handle Meepits with extreme caution. You have no idea what they are capable of. Neither do I.

Now that your zombie has a friend, the two of them are going to need some zombie-friendly toys to play with! While most toys are safe for the living dead, there are a couple of special items out there that will show your mini medulla-muncher just how much you care!

The Usuki Zombie: Aww, how sweet! A zombie doll of their very own to name and feed and cuddle with and eat the brains out of... oops... that didn't last very long did it? Sorry... it was pretty expensive too.

The Zombie Squirt Gun: I don't know what exactly it is that this thing squirts, but just to be safe... you may not want to let your zombie play with it near the neighborhood kids.

I know you're just itching to get out of here and start following all my fabulous advice, but just a few more tips before you're off to spoil your zombie silly.

If you want to avoid embarrassing stares when you take your cranium cruncher out for a night on the town, there are a couple of items worth taking a look at!

Tan Blush: It's always a good idea to apply a spot of blush! It gets rid of that ghastly blue pallor. Unless you like that sort of thing. I won't judge.

Thick Brown Toupee: You'll find that a sensible hairpiece does the trick when you want to hide your zombie's unsightly exposed brain! You might not notice it anymore, but the neighbors do!

Last but not least, while traveling though Neopia, you may find it particularly advantageous to avoid the Northwest corner of the Haunted Woods or you will be BEGGING for trouble!!

The Brain Tree!

Good luck, zombie mommies and daddies!! Take good care of those little cerebrum slurpers!

 
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