Battledome-ify Your Neopian Times Items
Also by shadowcristal
Bam! Wham! Such is the nature of the Battledome, pitting pets against each
other in fierce fights. Not adhering to the typical image of pets sitting down
in their beanbag chairs, opening their copy of the Neopian Times to read those
weekly news, isn't it? Well, now we've found a way to bring it together.
For the awesome, commemorative Issue 250 of the Times, we are presenting a
couple of Battledome-ified Neopian Times Items. Imagine your Neopian Times Beanchair
promptly stopping and stuffing that pesky, claw-sharpening Kougra... Well, that's
what this article is all about!
Note that these items are simply Neopian Times items (for any obsessive fan
or collector), but they can also double as lethal weapons for your worst nemesis
in the Battledome, if used in that fashion. Also, we, the authors, are not responsible
for any explosions, detonations, gases, misadventures etc. that follows with
the use of those items described in this article. (So please don't file a lawsuit
to Lawyerbot, demanding to have your NP back.)
Now that all the boring legal mumbo-jumbo has been taken care of, let's start!
*takes out a mini spotlight*
Neopian Times Issue 3
“Its a really old copy of the Neopian Times.”
Ah yes, the good old Issue 3. How many of these have you seen floating around
the Money Tree or wasting away at the Meridell Rubbish Dump? Probably quite
a lot, and it’s such a waste! Clutch your Issue 3 with pride, pull it out from
your arsenal with a flourish and we guarantee, even the strongest of Battledomers
will make a point of rolling their eyes and yawning. But here lies the strength
of the Issue 3, for while your opponent makes a show of boredom, take an opportunity
to strike! Hurl those entertaining pages at your opponent, and while they are
distracted by the illustrious comics and stories, pull out a more damaging weapon…
Neopian Times Year 6 Annual
"A collection of the most popular stories, articles, comics and adventures.
This was a prize from the Advent Calendar in Y6."
Don’t be put off just because it was from the advent calendar. That does not
take away from the Neopian Times Battledomey-ness of this item whatsoever. ;-)
This item works much the same way as the Issue 3, but with one major difference.
This thing is big. Really big. Think about it, it’s full of the most popular
articles, stories and so on. But everything in the NT is just so popular, it’s
impossible to distinguish and so packed with more than you might expect in an
annual! Fling this annual in the direction of your opponent, and just wait for
them to give in! The only downside is that the binding might break, and so this
is, sadly, only a one use item.
I Love The Neopian Times T-Shirt
"The name really says it all..."
Clothes may not appear to be dangerous in the Battledome, but this one can
certainly be so if necessary. While your opponent is doubling over with laughter
at your obsessiveness and insanity, having chosen to wear this T-shirt... Just
pull it off and bag your opponent in it! As hard as it is to see with a regular
T-shirt wrapped around your head, just imagine how it'd be if there were neat,
bold, letters confusing and confounding your opponent! Well, this is what this
T-shirt has. However, like the Annual, it usually ends up being a one use item
since most Battledome pets end up tearing it away, ripping it to shreds. So
make sure you stock up on them, and have... err... other weapons of Neopian
Times goodness that happen to be more damaging.
Neopian Times Coin
"This hard to get hold of coin was minted to commemorate Neopian Times Day."
Shiny and spectacular, hard to get... Not only is this coin hard to get, but
it is rather hard itself, being a coin. Smack it in the face of your opponent
to dazzle them with the shininess of this precious coin (or more precisely,
the minted hard metal). You're sure to get a reaction, and most likely not a
good one. This is one of the more damaging Neopian Times Battledome-ified items,
seeing as how it has excellent qualities, being solid, tough and multiple-use,
if you remember to attach a string to the coin so you can pull it back and whip
it out again at the next attack.
Neopian Times Bean Bag
”Soft, squishy and guaranteed not to smudge onto your clothes when you sit
At first glance, you might think that this item is, well, pretty useless as
far as the Battledome goes. How much damage can a delectably soft and comfortable
bean bag actually do? You might be surprised when we insist that it really can
perform when it counts. The hand hold on this bag of beans is what gives it
its punch. Quite literally, actually. Swirl the bean bag around in the air whilst
holding on tightly, and watch as your opponent’s eyes follow the riveting texts
and stories printed on it. Soon enough they will be dizzy, and so as you creep
forwards, you can fling it at your opponent, straight in the face! Multiple
use, of course, but be gentle; effectiveness of this weapon depends on you keeping
the beans inside (a.k.a, no holes).
Neopian Times Poster
”If you love the Neopian Times, you will love this giant poster!”
Giant poster indeed - this thing is enormous! Not only that, but it is printed
on the finest paper that Neopoints can buy, as is clear from the lustrous shine.
If you can bear to mar this piece of art, it is one of the most reliable Neopian
Times weapons that you can buy. Having used your Neopian Times Bean Bag to daze
your opponent, this is when you bravely leap forwards, poster in arms, and run
around them as many times as you can, wrapping them in the poster. Since it
is the strongest, finest paper Neopoints can buy, it will not break no matter
how hard your opponent struggles! This is the part where you sit down and laugh.
Neopian Times Quill
"Why write with a boring pen when you can use a quill!"
A small, one-handed item, this is the perfect thing for all those aspiring
authors out there, but it also has some Battledome value! Like the description
states, the Quill is quite superior to a pen. For one thing, it has a much sharper
end than most of the stuff in your pencil case. Sweep it in a wide flourish,
distract your opponent and poke him or her in the eye! A painful attack, but
also a distraction in itself as your opponent mills around blindly, allowing
you to unleash the power of more Neopian Times items. While that Battledomer
isn't looking, remember to sign your name and perhaps write a short story or
two, as a nice souvenir. As an extra plus, you can also use the other, feathery
end to tickle your opponent for helpless gales of laughter and some old-school
fun. A perfect way to stall for more time during the battle, quite useful when
you're beginning to tire and want to rest a bit. Unless the either end breaks,
those tricks can be used over and over again. Watch out for Skeiths and Grarrls,
though, who may think that the Quill is a delicious candy.
Neopian Times Pencil Case
"If you are bored in class, you can always read this pencil case."
Not only is this a perfect storage place for school supplies and all other
writing equipment, but it's also a weapon more or less by itself! Innocently
swing this around, mesmerize your opponent, letting it move slow enough for
him or her to read all those wonderful pieces... And when it's close enough,
unzip that Pencil Case open and fill the air with attacking weapons such as
pointy scissors, sticky glue, jabbing pencils and much more. Just remember to
stuff the Pencil Case full before opening it, or it won't be that spectacular
of a smashing surprise.
Neopian Times Usuki Set
”Everything you need to create your own Neopian Times.”
Think about it. Everything you need to create your own Neopian Times. That
would be paper (paper cuts, anyone?), staples (no comment), scissors (self-explanatory),
quills (already been there) and so on and so forth. Quite a harmless little
toy in appearance, but in actual fact when used in the right hands, this is
one Usuki Set bursting with Battledome potential. You should by now be well
aware of how to turn your opponent’s ridiculing laughter into your greatest
advantage, another strategy which can be employed successfully by the use of
this item. A word of warning, however: please make sure to replace the supplies
which you use during the battle, or else this item will be rendered useless.
Neopian Times White Weewoo Plushie
”This adorable Weewoo has a quill tucked under its wing!”
Pah, adorable plushie indeed! Well, it is quite cute. Okay, very. But that
is all part of the allure of this item, perhaps one of the most famous symbols
of Neopian Times-ness. Made from the finest, silky smooth white feathers and
topped off with a bright orange beak, this plushie is the finest available for
use in the Neopian Battledome.
When you first hold this plushie high, your opponent is lulled into a false
sense of security by its hypnotic and comforting qualities. Then, with quick
jabbing motions, you must use the hidden quill (beneath the left wing) to rapidly
poke your opponent, and then throw the plushie straight at your opponent in
a body slam! Being a Weewoo, albeit a plushie, it is clever enough to fly straight
back to you on cloth wings, making this plushie completely re-useable. This
means that you can build a stockpile of White Weewoo plushies as opposed to
simply replacing them. Hoorah!
"The pen really is mightier than the sword!"
And for all of you nitpicks that have been screaming and pointing and exclaiming
that those Neopian Times items aren't really weapons... Well, here's one for
you! The Battle Quill is a proper, 100% authentic Battledome weapon, dealing
a couple of icons and also a bit defensive too. Being a fluffy and soft kind
of weapon, it'll just bounce back if you ruffle those feathers. With a powerful
gold tip, it can jab your opponents repeatedly and possibly into insanity. As
for the saying, a sword is really attention-drawing while the Battle Quill is
rather inconspicuous, making it a good weapon to use while sneaking up on your
opponent. However, the item tends to be rather expensive as it doesn't show
up on a normal item search, and only a few glimpses of it can be caught in some
galleries. A decent, kind of Neopian Times related weapon, but hard-to-get,
that's the Battle Quill.
And that concludes our list! Before you read this article, did you ever think
that these awesome Neopian Times items might be worthy of a spot in your Battledome
set? Did you ever pause to consider the distracting potential of the Issue 3,
or the punch that the Neopian Times Coin can pack? Probably not, if you're a
sane person. However, now that you have been properly educated, you'll almost
certainly never look at one of these items again without thinking of the damage
it could deal.
Be warned, however; these are only the highlights of Neopian Times related
weapons - there are various other Neopian Times items out there that could be
used against you in the Battledome. Hopefully by reading this article, you have
acquired enough insight to be able to see these items and recognise their potential
for yourself. We guarantee that you will never look at a Neopian Times item
in quite the same way again.
Unless you're extremely stubborn, that is.