No More Peanut Butter and Too Many Door Jams: Neopian Population
Out side of some random shop- Good Day, fellow Neopians, I am the Owner’s best
friend’s sister’s mother’s niece of the famous Blumaroo Reporter, during the first
Sloth invasion; here today to report a certain problem- excuse me, may I pass-
Umm, this problem is sho- I need to get through... Anyway, it’s shown all over-
People! You are messing up my make-up!! Yes, the problem is *passes out from being
New Location: My luxurious adorable Neohome- Sorry about my unsuccessful attempts
to cover a large problem affecting all of Neopia. Ironically, I was in the midst
of that problem. If you haven’t guessed, it’s the incredible amount of Neopian
citizens. I mean there is like no time to buy make-up, unless I stand inside
the Beauty Parlour and be covered in dirt! Anyway, what I meant to say
was this: the population of Neopia will cause several other (lesser) problems
to occur. Before we discuss those, let us look at the statistics of increase
in population… after this break while I make myself look all pretty!
(Four hours later…)
Well, I’m back looking as pretty as ever! Anyway, here are the statistics.
These statistics show the yearly increase in the number of owners in Neopia.
November Y1: Neopia was first discovered, so barley anyone lived here.
November Y2: Four million Owners in Neopia
November Y3: A gargantuan Seventeen million owner increase to 21 million Neopian
owners (I was part of this number).
November Y4: An even greater increase of approximately twenty million
November Y5: An additional twenty million user increase!
Currently: Over eighty-six million owners are currently on Neopia! Now this
is a twenty-four million increase in owners!
The average amount of Neopets per owner has always been around 1.5, which does
NOT mean someone has exactly one pet and half of another, this is just the number
of pets divided by the number of owners. This time next year, the estimate amount
of owners will be over one hundred users, as well as over 150 MILLION
Neopets! Even more people clogging up the Beauty Parlour! The horror
of unspeakable horror! Where did all of these residents come from anyway?
Almost all of the owners immigrated here. They all came from one planet type
of thing; let’s just call it some random name like… “Earth” Well, millions migrated
here because this place seems soo much better… except there might possibly be
less make-up and hair products here! But all of the pets were probably created.
I’m honestly not sure how. Very few look like any of their owners, so they aren’t
related. There aren’t any parent Neopets that we know of. Anyway, the best guess
is a team of old Lennies giving them to owners who request them; and the Neopets
are a gift from Fyora in Faerieland.
Some people think there are no bad side effects about a large population growth,
but they are wrong. In the future, something terrible will ultimately happen,
well a few things. One will be a shortage of items. I mean, how can Neopia go
on with out lots and lots of make-up?! Oh, and there’s also a problem of a shortage
of food and areas for Neohome development. For some reason people do not care
for me to report for hours on make-up, so I will give the public what they desire!
So let me elaborate on those other lesser things. First of all, all Neopets
need to eat in Neopia and that is a fact. Even robot pets do, don’t ask me why
I don’t know either. Without food, the Soup Faerie would be even more busy,
as of now she doesn’t even have time to fix herself up! There would be pets
starving on the streets, well even more than there are now, and the starving
will be from lack of food available, instead of just the owner’s laziness. Another
thing that will happen is there will be no Giant Omelette cooking in the “Sun”
underground, so, there won’t even be FREE food available! With a shortage of
an item comes inflation. This means pretty much every food item will be worth
THOUSANDS. I have a beautiful prized collection of Tchea Fruit in my Safety
Deposit Box (difficult to fit in there with all of the make-up, sorry, I’ll
stay on subject). In times of trouble, I think I may have to feed them to my
pets! Desperate times will have to call for desperate measures, and I would
advise everyone to stock up on food right away!
There is also an issue of Neohomes. This planet can only hold so many people,
and it can hold even less plots of land! Real Estate will undoubtedly skyrocket
in price; I’m surprised it hasn’t already… There are probably MILLIONS of Neohomes
in Neopia Central. I have a question (not relating to the importance of make-up;
though I would like to ask that). How can hundreds of thousands of houses fit
in a single street!? I just find that impossible! I have decided to ask a few
fellow Neopians important questions regarding Neopian population. Let us begin.
Me: How long have you been a resident of Neopia?
Frisky619: 13 months.
shadih_temporary: Only 18 months.
playfuldancerr65: Close to 3 years!
kagen:I have been a resident of Neopia for three months. I moved here
Laurensama: I’ve been here for 49 months!
Me: If you restock, how hard is it to get inside the desired shop?
Frisky619: Very hard, I’m usually almost trampled!
shadih_temporary: It's super hard. Especially on Half Price Day! There's
like... 30 million Neopians trying to pack up in one shop every single flippin'
playfuldancerr65: It’s a nightmare! I am always squished between people!
kagen: I stopped restocking due to danger. It's not being trampled
or anything. For example, I tried grabbing a sword once and poked myself. It
hurt a lot. And some stuff that looked like ketchup came out of me.
laurensama: It's simply impossible and implausible to get in the shops
as the restock
Me: What are you worried about in the future due to the population
Frisky619: Well the Giant Omelette is running out a lot faster! Poor
Pteri, she has to be beat by now, from laying all those eggs.
shadih_temporary: Well, after 6 years of Neopia's existence, 85 million
Neopians and 120 million pets exist. That's 205 million living things, excluding
petpets! In 6 more years, that number will double to create 410 million living
things!! I really fear that day...
kagen: I'm not worried. New people will just go live on the other side
of the world. We just won't be able to see them until some time around when
Neoschools are released.
playfuldancerr65: I am really worried about having enough food for
all of my Neopets, as well as the inflation.
laurensama: I'm not at all worried about the future, after all we
can always send the extra people to the non-existent land “Jelly World”!
Me: By the way, how is my hair?
Frisky619: What? Your hair? What does that have to do with the interview?
shadih_temporary: I like your hair. But it'd look much better as a
kagen: It's, well, it's...You know, I can't really describe. You know
when you're sitting down on a couch, and...no, nevermind. It looks like, it's
kind of like...I really don't know.
laurensama: Your hair? It looks lovely, except for the fact that it's
Me: WHAT!?!? My life is now officially over!
Author’s Note: I am really not the owner’s best friend’s sister’s mother’s
niece of the famous Blumaroo Reporter; or that ditzy, but I am concerned that
Neopia is not big enough for us all. Feel free to Neomail me any time!
Also, I would like to thank frisky619, laurensama, shadih_temporary, kagen,
and playfuldancerr65, and for taking time out of their schedules for
me to interview them!