White Weewoos don't exist. *shifty eyes* Circulation: 110,063,438 Issue: 169 | 10th day of Celebrating, Y6
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One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato...

by flutterbyegrl


Hello, I am Flutterbyegrl, and I have made it my duty to put one of the more unpopular Neopians in the spotlight of this article. Today I have traveled to Meri Acres farm, in the ever so popular Meridell to interview Alton Moughbry, better known as the Potato Counter Guy (PCG). You will be shocked and amazed at his deepest and innermost thoughts.

Flutter (FBG): Hello, I’m Flutter, better known as Flutterbyegrl, the avid Neopian.

Alton (PCG): Are you a tourist?

FBG: Well, no.

PCG: Then what brings you to Meri Acres farm?

FBG: I wanted a look at the Rubbish Dump, once I found Meridell Gravy in there. I also wanted to interview you.

PCG: You are a tourist.

FBG: No, I want to interview you.

PCG: Okay then, my name is Alton Moughbry, when I’m not counting potatoes I like to watch grass grow and paint dry. My potato peeler is my most prized possession; it has been handed down in my family for years. And my favorite quote is "24, 26, 27... Wait a sec--ARGH!!! 1, 2..." That is also what I am most often heard saying.

FBG: Yes, I know all that, I read it in the Neopedia. I want to get to know the real Alton, not just the Potato Counter Guy.

PCG: Umm… okay.

FBG: First question: What inspired you to grow potatoes, and start Potato Counter?

PCG: One day I was buying a tigersquash corndog in Hubert’s Hotdogs, when something caught my eye. A buttered jacket potato! I bought it, and it was delicious! Then I realized that potatoes were much more then vegetables, they were my calling in life!

FBG: (sarcastically) Wow, your calling in life. One usually finds there calling in life when it comes to potatoes. So, what did you do after you realized that potatoes were your calling in life?

PCG: I moved to Meri Acres farm, I began to plant a few potato plants. I didn’t realize then that they would be my ticket to fame and fortune.

FBG: Fame and Fortune?

PCG: Well sure, how do you think I came to be written up in the Neopedia? A regular old neopet cannot be written up in the Neopedia without being famous.

FBG: And the fortune part?

PCG: Were do you think that I got the thirty Neopoint prize money from?

FBG:The Dice A Roo.

PCG: That piece of information never leaves this farm.

FBG: It’s a done deal. -Begins thinking of topic of her next Neopian Times article. Something along the lines of *Where Does the Potato Counter Guy get all of his Neopoints?*- So what was so special about those potato plants anyway?

PCG: Well, they were treated with love and care. I watered them everyday, the exact amount, no more and no less. I camped out with them every night and we slept under the stars and Kreludor. I treated them as I would a very special petpet.

FBG: -Is slightly weirded out by Alton’s devotion to his potato plans- Well, I know that these plants are very… erm… special to you, but how did the Potato Counter game get started?

PCG: Well, one day I was gathering my potatoes as I do every morning at six forty nine am. Then all of a sudden a couple of extremely rude tourists who were out for an early morning walk approached me and bet that they could count all of my potatoes and give me the exact amount. I did not think that they could, so I said that if they could give me the exact amount of the potatoes then I would give them thirty Neopoints. It took them exactly six hours and sixteen minutes, but finally they gave me a number. Six thousand, six hundred, and fifty-three potatoes. I fished out the envelope that I keep in my pocket, and I read the number aloud, six thousand, six hundred, and fifty-five potatoes. Sorry, I said to them, you were two potatoes off.

FBG: Well, okay then. No point on feeling sorry for the poor tourists, who spent six hours, and sixteen minutes counting your potatoes. There is no reason to give them the Neopoints just for trying. No reason at all.

PCG: I’m not that heartless! I gave them a mouldy potato each! They were the ones who were ungrateful! That night, they snuck back to my farm, and threw rotten berries and mouldy potatoes at my Neohome!

FBG: (sarcastically) Well, I just can’t understand why they would do something like that.

PCG: Neither can I, neither can I.

FBG: Next question, what are your thoughts on Extreme Potato Counter?

PCG: Horrible! Terrible! A cheap rip-off of my respected and cherished game! The game for n00bs! The n00bish game! So what if that Wocky can spend more Neopoints than I can! He just managed to hit the jackpot in Scratchcard Kiosk, because the Scratchcard Kiosk Wocky is a distant relative of his!

FBG: Oook then. So what are your thoughts on the Battle Potato?

PCG: *Wipes tear from eye* I think that it is fantastic! Imagine a potato amounting to so much in its little lifetime. If battling was a peaceful thing to do, then I would most definitely battle, and my weapon of choice would be a Battle Potato.

FBG: Well, that must be so wonderful for you to dream about. Seeing as to the Battledome isn’t for the weak or sensitive.

PCG: What’s that supposed to mean???

FBG: Nothing, nothing at all. Next question, who in Neopia is your biggest role model?

PCG: Does Faerieland count?

FBG: Yes.

PCG: What about the Haunted Woods?

FBG: Yes, that counts too.

PCG: What about-

FBG: Yes! Yes! Yes! They all count! Just give me an answer already!

PCG: Fyora.

FBG: (Not sure if she heard correctly) Who?

PCG: Fyora the Faerie Queen! The wings of Faerieland! The beauty of Faerie City! The purple light of the Hidden Tower!

FBG: So, what do you like about Fyora?

PCG: The fact that she has a commanding role over all of Faerieland! That she has her own official color! The fact that she is ruling over a wonderful place like Faerieland!

FBG: Uhh Huh.

PCG: So far, I have written her twenty-five fan letters, and I’ve sent her twenty-three bags of potatoes.

FBG: Umm… Wow. Impressive. You’ve written someone who I didn’t even think could receive fan mail a ridiculous amount of fan letters. You have also sent her an amazing quantity of starchy vegetables.

PCG: She is incredible.

FBG: Well, this next question is a question which I’m sure all of the readers have been wondering. You live in Meridell, yet you speak like you were born and raised in Neopia Central, why is that?

PCG: Well, I didn’t always live in Meri Acres farm you know. I lived in Neopia Central for a good portion of my life. The whole “Arr, you can only guess me potatoes three times a day!” routine is only a gimmick. No one in Meridell actually talks like that.

FBG: Oh, well that’s nice to know. How do you like to eat your potatoes?

PCG: Well, my personal favorite is a nice piping hot bowl of potato and leek soup. There is nothing better than that! I can’t think of anything that can compare to that delicious taste of little potato spuds and delicious leeks.

FBG: Okay, well now that that’s taken care of, if you could be any type of potato in any way shape or form, what potato would you like to be?

PCG: Hmm… Well if I could be any potato that I could be then I wouldn’t be anything but a regular Meridell potato home-grown by me.

FBG: Well, our interview is pretty much finished, but I still have one last question;

PCG: What is it?

FBG: Well, I can’t help but notice that you are selling mouldy potatoes in the shops, why is that?

PCG: Well, you’d be surprised at the amount of n00bs who will buy mouldy potatoes for their pets because they are cheap. The mouldy potatoes I mean, not the n00bs. Well, now that you think about it, the n00bs are pretty cheap too. As I was saying, the n00bs will feed the mouldy potatoes to their pets, and then the pets will get sick. But of course they are n00bs, and don’t know that their pets will get sick, all in all, they end up spending more Neopoints, since their pets will get sick and they will have to spend a lot of Neopoints for the cure.

FBG: Well think that is pretty good business.

PCG: Well, since this is the first interview I’ve ever had with anyone and I am so deeply touched, I would like you to please take home a sack of potatoes.

FBG: Wow, I love Meridell potatoes!

PCG: What are you talking about? You aren’t getting Meridell potatoes.

FBG: I’m not?

PCG: Of course not, I can’t give away perfectly good potatoes for free.

FBG: You can’t?

PCG: No way! You are getting a sack of mouldy potatoes.

FBG: (sarcastically) Wow, thanks.

PCG: You’re very welcome!

FBG: I certainly enjoyed this interview. We now know that Alton Moughbry is a kind and erm… generous Kacheek, who desperately wants to break out of the Potato Counter Guy mold. Until next time everyone!

Alton: Arr, you can only guess me potatoes three times a day!

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