Enter the Snowflake's lair... Circulation: 110,063,541 Issue: 170 | 19th day of Celebrating, Y6
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Codename: Secret Conversation

by tambourine_chimp


Codename: Secret Conversation!

The Neoboards; a place for people to meet and have a chat, ask questions, roleplay, advertise their items or just generally have fun. But, like all good things there’s something bad in the middle of it all. Shall I spell it out for you…?


Now don’t get me wrong here, hardly anyone brags about their luck on purpose, they just want to share their incredible luck! Usually they express this on their own boards, which is all well and fine. But when they enter onto YOUR board and start non-stop bragging, then it can get a little tedious, like so:

Friend 1: Hey, so how as your day?

Friend 2: Oh, it was okay…got 10, 000 NP from the Slot Machine...

Braggart: HAH! That’s nothing! I always get one million...EVERY TIME!

Friend 2: Er, yeah…so, you…?

Friend 1: Oh, not bad…got a Brown Negg from the Snowager.

Braggart: LAME! I always get a golden Negg…EVERY TIME!

Friend 2: Go play the Wheel of Monotony, and give us two hours peace, OK?

Braggart: NO! And anyway, I always get Paint Brushes from the Wheel…EVERY TIME!

Yes, well, enough of that…you get my point, don’t you. Even the simplest little braggart can slowly turn tedious and annoying, instantly ruining the reunion you probably spent ages preparing (and another thing, putting “PRIVATE CONVERSATION, NO UNINVITED PEOPLE” as you topic title isn’t going to make them go away. In fact, it’s like giving a Meepit a cup of juice and telling it to give it to someone else; they’ll probably be more likely to appear if they’re “forbidden” to).

Now, if the private conversation is just between you and another friend, then the answer is simple!

...By the way, Neomail was the answer you were looking for there.

But what if it were to be more than two people? What if, say, it was you, your best friend and their best friend who-you-didn’t-really-like-but-put-up-with-anyway? Neomail doesn’t do multiple recipients (yet), so what are you going to do? Unless you have one of these Instant Messaging programs everyone’s going on about, you’ll just have to resort to the Neoboards. But you DON’T your chat constantly interrupted by braggers, guild/shop/trade/auction advertisers or anyone else, right? So what’s a guy/gal to do?

Use TC’s™ Amazing Neopian Chat Codes, that’s what! These are a selection of various codes that, to the untrained (or uninformed) eye look just like some people typing with their noses…when they’re actually having a conversation that’s virtually impossible to interpret!

First, of course, there is the Morse code. Known to nearly everyone over the age of sixteen (or, at least anyone that has those little flashlights with the code on them), Morse code consists of just dots and dashes:

• A .-

• B -...

• C -.-.

• D -..

• E .

• F ..-.

• G --.

• H ....

• I ..

• J .---

• K -.-

• L .-..

• M –

• N -.

• O ---

• P .--.

• Q --.-

• R .-.

• S ...

• T -

• U ..-

• V ...-

• W .--

• X -..-

• Y -.--

• Z --..

• Space /

There are, of course, other bits for question and exclamation marks, but this is enough to be getting on with, I think you’ll find (NOTE: where I’ve put space, I mean the spaces between the words. You have to put an actual space between each letter, so as to avoid them running together and getting mixed-up)…see if you can decipher this message:

-…. .. …/.. …/…. --- .--/-.-- --- ..-/-.. ---/.. - !

Did you get that? If not, don’t worry, it means it would be an effective code to keep you out of the conversation, so I’ve put the answer at the bottom.

For those of you that had no trouble at all at de-coding the message, well done! You have an advantage…for now. For, mark my words, it won’t be long before everyone knows Morse code if you use it in all of you’re conversations. So what to take as the next step?

Introducing this time the TC™ Neopian Number Cruncher Code! For this, you’ll need to arrange one piece of information beforehand, and that is a number between 2 and 26…you can see where this is going, can’t you? Once a number has been decided between you and your mates, write that number down, find what letter comes under that number in the alphabet, start at the letter A, and continue the alphabet on from that number! Once you get to 26 you should have a few numbers still to go (choosing the number one is just silly, as the alphabet would be the same), just carry on the alphabet from 1 to the last number. Here’s an example for all you visual learners out there. I’ll choose my age, 17:

A 17B 18C 19D 20E 21F 22G 23H 24I 25J 26K 1L 2 M 3N 4O 5P 6Q 7R 8S 9T 10U 11V 12W 13X 14Y 15Z 16

See? Depending on what number you choose, the outcome of the alphabet will always be different! Now see if you can read this secret message using the prepared code above (NOTE: There’s no need to use /’s as spaces in this code, but you DO need to put a dash between numbers. Otherwise, just write it as you would normally):

25-22 15-5-11 19-17-4 8-21-17-20 10-24-25-9 10-24-21-4 13-21-2-2 20-5-4-21!

Again, it may take some time to write you messages, but at least what is being said is just between you and your mates. And besides, you’ll get better and faster with practise! The answer to this message, for those of you that can’t solve it (or are just too lazy), is included with the first at the bottom.

But now would be a good time to draw your attention to one annoying point. The letter “E,” I’m sure you know, is the most commonly-used letter in the English language. There were nine in that last sentence! Anyway, make your conversation too long, and someone is bound to realise that the number 21 crops up an awful lot. From that tiny bit of information all they need to do is work their way around the rest of the alphabet…and you secret conversation is no longer.

So how to make a 100% foolproof code that no one would ever have a hope of cracking if they weren’t in the know, I hear you desperately scream?

Well, I guess now would be a good a time as any to reveal my Grande Finale: The TC™ CodeWord Code! This is a great code to use if you really want no outsides to read what you are saying...but how can you be so sure they won’t crack it? Won’t they realise that one letter is being used instead of “E”? Maybe, but they still will never crack it…merely because you haven’t told them the CodeWord! This has to be a word with each letter in it appearing only once. Once you have decided on a word, write it down, a carrying on the alphabet as you did with the Number Cruncher Code! Here’s how (I’ll use the word “JETSAM” as my CodeWord):



Now, you’ll most likely always have the last couple of letters stay the same…but don’t panic! You haven’t done anything wrong, and no one will ever guess! As long as you keep the fact that “JETSAM” was your CodeWord, even the greatest code-cracker will be left in the dark. Try this last message using the code above (this one you can just type normally):


But before I go, one more thing (Geez, he never stops, does he?). If you still want to make doubly sure no one other than your selected friends will know what you’re writing in code, feel free to mix-up all three…even add your own elements!

Keep it secret – keep it coded!



1) Morse: “This is how you do it!”

2) Number Cruncher: “If you can read this then well done!”

3) CodeWord: “Well, I guess this is “goodbye” from me…have fun!”

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


A Day of Poogle Races
Place your bets here!

by shadih_temporary


'Tis the Season
Some pets may not be feeling the Christmas spirit.

by dogma621


One December Evening...
Without noticing the change, they had darted through another thick layering of trees and over a bare, snowy landscape, soon speeding through yet more rows of trees...

by taipeiss


The Christmas Lenny
O Christmas Lenny...

by immortalmina

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.