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Sentry of the Haunted Woods - Brain Tree Interview


by tonberry206

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HAUNTED WOODS - Many of us may have come across a rather grotesque, pulsating tree during our journey through the Haunted Woods with our Neopets. Those of us who dared a closer look would know that this lone sentry of the woods is an inhabitant known as the Brain Tree. This tree, over the years, has somehow mutated and gained a sense of awareness. It thirsts for knowledge, but since it is unable to move about on his own, it makes requests (or demands, rather) of Neopians to retrieve the information it seeks. But, aside from this, what do we really know about the mysterious Brain Tree? Being one of the darker Neopians, and spending most of my time in the Haunted Woods, I decided to attempt to get a one-on-one interview with this rather strange plant, with some rather unsavory results.

Me: Hello, my name is--

Brain Tree: Where and when did Zumego Draik die!?

Me: Ah... ha... actually, if it's okay, I came here to interview you. My name is Tonberry, I'm here representing the Neopian Times.

Brain Tree: Someone requesting information from me?! Well, I suppose I could share a bit of my vast knowledge with you ignorant mortals!

Tonberry: So... that's a yes?

Brain Tree: YES! COMMENCE THIS INTERVIEW AT ONCE, FOR MY PATIENCE GROWS THIN!

Tonberry: Gah! Err... okay! So, Brain Tree, just how long have you lived here in the Haunted Woods?

Brain Tree: I have existed here since before anyone even heard of the Haunted Woods, back in the day when you could buy a Halloween Paint Brush for 2 NP, and still have NP leftover for lunch!

Tonberry: Uhhh, okay then. You seem very interested in when and where Neopians have met their ends. Why is that, and what exactly do you do with that knowledge?

Brain Tree: I send my condolences to the grieving families... NOT! What do you think?! I require such information to build upon my ever growing intellect!

Tonberry: Yes but--Oh, nevermind. The Esophagor always seems to hold the answers you seek. So why not just ask him rather than random Neopians?

Brain Tree: He and I are both stuck fast in the ground! We are unable to interact with each other?

Tonberry: Wait, if you're both stuck in the ground, then how is it you both get over to the Stone Dome to battle?

Brain Tree: THAT IS NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW!!

Tonberry: Gah! Err... you're always willing to reward Neopians who get you the information you seek. Where do you come across all of that NP and those prizes?

Brain Tree: The Pant Devil owes a rather large debt to me! Let's leave it at that!

Tonberry: So you have wheelings and dealings with other dark creatures of Neopia?

Brain Tree: I SAID LEAVE IT AT THAT!

Tonberry: I hear you have published a couple of books. Brain Tree Solutions and the always popular Brain Tree Brainiac. Do you have plans for any further book releases in the future?

Brain Tree: You mortals are unworthy and unappreciative of my vast knowledge to begin with, and I doubt any of you could even comprehend the two I wrote so far!

Tonberry: It seems you have even been featured on postage stamps and TCG cards. Would you say you're becoming a celebrity icon?

Brain Tree: I dare say why not?! I certainly have the looks for it! Have you ever seen a brain as well-groomed as mine? I THINK NOT!

Tonberry: I can honestly say you're the most handsome living, pulsating haunted tree I've ever met.

Brain Tree: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE!?

Tonberry: No, sir! Next question: Fifteen different farmers each had their own apple orchards. The first farmer had only one apple tree in his orchard, the second farmer had two trees in his orchard, and so on up to fifteen trees for the fifteenth farmer. At harvest time, each farmer noticed something very peculiar: each tree in the same orchard produced the exact same number of apples. (Note that the number of apples per tree varied from orchard to orchard.) And when all fifteen farmers got together to talk about it, they all realized that if the farmer with eleven trees had given one apple to the farmer with seven trees, and the farmer with fourteen trees had given three apples each to the farmer with nine trees and the farmer with thirteen trees, they'd all end up with the exact same number of apples! How many apples in all?

Brain Tree: I WILL NOT ANSWER THE LENNY CONUNDRUM FOR YOU, CHEATER!

Tonberry: Okay, okay! Didn't hurt to try, right? So what advice would you give out there to all the knowledge-hungry Neopians who may want to follow in your footsteps? Umm... tree... steps... branch... whatever!

Brain Tree: They can never even hope to become as brilliant as me! They may as well just waste their lives away playing those ridiculous Neogames and rolling cheese, or whatever it is your kind do!

Tonberry: Ouch. So, one last question, who do you think is the more brilliant genius of Neopia: You or Dr. Sloth?

Brain Tree: I am more knowledgeable than that doof will ever be! You insult me with such questions! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!

And there you have it. It seems that the Brain Tree is not always so willing to surrender answers, yet doesn't have any shame in receiving them. Somehow I feel like I know less having interviewed the Brain Tree than I did before! But anyways, the moral of this story is--Wait... how the heck DOES the Brain Tree get over to the Stone Dome? Err--Anyways, this is Tonberry with the Neopian Times bringing this article to a close. Even though I didn't get as many straight answers as I had hoped for, I hope that you all take something away from this interview.

And always remember: The Brain Tree knows when you are lying about your answers! Although... if it already knows the answers to the questions, then why is it asking them to begin with?

Special thanks to neo_girl2155, whose article inspired me to interview some of the other notorious haunts of Neopia.

 
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