The Argument of a Anti-Sloth
Also by jamesuk2
We all know that Dr. Sloth is the unquestionable ruler of the universe and
will conquer Neopia sooner or later. So why then are there some who oppose him?
This question has puzzled my fellow minions and me since Our Master’s arrival
at the planet. It seems incomprehensible that there would be anyone who could
not recognize Sloth’s obvious greatness. Yet despite the fact that Sloth will
rule all, there are anti-Sloth Neopians in existence.
Just the other day when I was flying a shuttle full of passengers to the space
station, I noticed a handful of Grundo travellers peering over their lunch trays
and discussing the similarity between Sloth and their grilled asparagus. As
a Virtupets pilot, I couldn’t believe that they dared make such as disrespectful
comparison. However, I believe that Neopian citizens who fail to see Sloth’s
superiority should be at least studied before they are taken somewhere quiet
for a brainwashing session. After all, we don’t want this anti-Sloth movement
to spread. It’s best to understand why they’d oppose Our Master.
After hearing the comments made about Sloth, I loyally got up from my cushy
pilot seat and went over to have a chat with my passengers. I was very curious
as to why anyone would dislike our worship-able evil genius. By talking with
the antis I learned two very fascinating things:
1. It is extremely inadvisable to leave the controls as a pilot and go talk
to passengers. I would now recommend that you always leave someone in charge
of a space ship that’s hurtling up through the atmosphere. Incidentally, I hit
a good quantity of orbiting space junk and had to spend several hours repairing
dents before my Virtupets commander saw them. ^_^;
2. There actually are reasons for opposing Sloth!
This astounded me! Okay, they obviously aren’t good reasons, but there
is some motive to be unsupportive of Our Master.
In fact, the Grundos I talked to were astonished that I worked for Virtupets
and was a Sloth minion. They immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was
evil and malicious, and we quickly got into a rather heated argument over Sloth’s
greatness. It wasn’t until after we had landed and I was desperately mending
dents on my shuttle that I had time to reflect upon what they had said.
So why would an intelligent Neopian be an anti-Sloth? Well, there are several
reasons from what I gathered…
Firstly, there seems to be this myth that Our Master had enslaved the Grundo
species for nefarious purposes. The Grundos I spoke to felt very strongly about
this. They insisted that Sloth captured and mutated their species to build an
army for the purpose of world domination, and that this evil deed labelled him
as a villain.
Sloth’s particular habit of zapping items into sludge also disagreed with
them. They saw this as only wicked destruction. Not only that, they insisted
that his invasion tax was nothing but robbery and believed that it should be
Then they disliked the entire concept of Sloth taking over and ruling Neopia.
They possessed this strange idea that it would ruin our planet and leave all
neopets as slaves to his will. They seemed to think that a Sloth-topia would
literally be the end of the world and that as all of his previous attacks had
caused suffering, his future ones would too.
Their last argument was that Sloth looks like a vegetable and therefore could
never be a competent ruler. They stated that anyone that resembled their grilled
asparagus was probably equal to it in intelligence. I failed to see the logic
in this reason, but after all, they were antis…
After much reflection, it seemed to me that the reasons for being an anti-Sloth
were based on false impressions about Our Master. As I critically inspected
the scratches on my shuttle, I came to realize that if these false beliefs about
Sloth were corrected, those that oppose Sloth would indubitably see the error
of their ways and join his army.
Later on as I was flying to another space station, I began to think about
how the antis were wrong. First of all, Sloth did not enslave the Grundo species.
As any competent Virtupets employee knows, the Grundos that assisted Sloth were
volunteers and they were rewarded later on by being made stronger with Sloth’s
magic transmogrification potions. Besides, Sloth wasn’t mutating them with the
potions; he was improving them. So in fact Sloth was actually giving the Grundos
an evolutionary boost in return for a bit of military aid. Is that slavery?
I think not.
As for frying items into sludge, Sloth probably does this to help out with
Neopian economy. (Isn’t he thoughtful?) More to the point, sludge has many useful
purposes. Sloth has even published a cook book that provides many usefully nutritious
suggestions for preparing delicious sludge-filled food. So you see? Sludgifying
items is not mindless destruction. It’s actually providing new ingredients for
the culinary arts.
The issue of the Invasion Tax is rather troubling. Yet I feel it is necessary
to point out that Dr. Sloth has not invaded Neopia recently. In fact, for all
we know he could be secretly putting those donated neopoints he takes on the
money tree. So is it really robbery? I am quite confident that whatever Sloth
does with the neopoints he borrows, they are put towards the greater good of
We know that in the past Sloth has made a few attempts to rule Neopia, but
each time he was thwarted by antis. So how do we know that it would be a bad
thing to have Sloth as our ruler? As a Virtupets employee, I can assure you
that he would advance our planet with his technological knowledge and provide
a better lifestyle for all of us. The Grundos I spoke to had had this silly
idea that he would enslave everybody when he dominated the world, but I believe
that with him in charge, we would prosper and live freely. (Well, we might have
to take the occasional transmogrification potion, but is that really so bad?
I know that I’ve always longed for an extra eye…)
As far as Sloth’s appearance goes, he is a bit green…however, that does not
mean he wouldn’t be a great ruler. And I have no doubt that after he takes over
Neopia, a light green complexion would be the latest fashion trend. As far as
his hairstyle goes, who can deny that three green spikes are dangerously stylish?
There can be no similarity between him and any form of vegetable. I think that
antis who make comparisons like that are secretly jealous of Sloth’s incredible
taste in fashion.
As you can see, there really are no good reasons for opposing Sloth. I can
only hope that by disproving the antis’ reasons for fighting him they will see
the error of their ways and become minions of the Great One. I sincerely wish
that any antis who read this article will consider their position and question
if it’s really worthwhile to be an anti. After all, Sloth will take over Neopia
sooner or later, and I’d hate to be against him when he does. ^^