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Mysteries Solved: The Safety Deposit Box


by serpentiator

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Hello, and welcome to the first (and maybe last) issue of "Mysteries solved". In this issue, the first, I will try to solve the mystery of...

The Safety Deposit Box, otherwise known as SDB, produced and given to you by PD Secure Storage, a stock enlisted firm with the initials PDSS.

Now, one could wonder: "What is the mystery of the Safety Deposit Box?"

And I shall explain it to you. The mysteries of the SDB (Safety Deposit Box) are as follows:

1. Size. The SDB can contain millions of items, and no one has ever been told the exact size and storage capacity of this metal giant.

2. What is it made of. It has to be made of something. If it is so large, and even given out freely to thousands of inhabitants of Neopia, then it has to be made of something that is as common as the air that surrounds us, and something that's twice as cheap.

Ok. We'll start with mystery no. 1: The size! (If it weren't for the fact that this is a Newspaper there would be a sinister fanfare at this point.)

The Safety Deposit Box is one of the largest things in the entire of Neopia. Though it's only 1.5 metres tall and 0.7 metres wide it's still extremely large, for until this day, only one man knows the true LENGTH of the SDB: The Corporate Manager of PD Secure Storage, I. M. Rich.

I have gotten an exclusive interview with the very busy Skeith, who appears to be the brother of the manager of the NNB.

"Mr. Rich, could you be as kind as to tell us exactly HOW large the Safety Deposit Box is?"

"Indeed! Yes, of course I could, but because it is a trade secret that ensures that PDSS is dominating the Deposit Box market, I simply won't!"

"I see, but then I have to ask you another significant question: Is every SDB exactly the same length?"

"Ohohohohohohoho, you are a very nosy reporter aren't you?! Well I can say this much: All SDBs are the same length, but because of our strict safety measures it's impossible to compare them; you see all SDBs are outfitted with a powerful magnet. All these magnets are positively charged, and that ensures that two SDBs cant get close to each other."

"So how do you know they are the same length?"

"Well, because the magnets are installed and polarized AFTER the SDB is made... hnh... Young people today don't appreciate logic."

"Final question, how do you make any money when you give them out freely?"

"We make our profits by selling shares on the stock market!"

With these words in my mind I set out to find out how large an SDB really is.

So, I did the obvious thing, I measured my own SDB, but since it would be impossible to compare two SDBs by placing them next to each other, I guessed that I had to use the largest measuring tape Neopia had ever seen.

I asked everywhere for such a measuring tape, I asked King Skarl, King Hagan, I asked Sophie, I even went to ask that creepy "fetch" guy, but I couldn't find one. Finally I asked one of my close friends to help me. He knows everything, and he loves to tell everybody about everything. Though he does it in a weird manner. I went to ask: Lenny Conundrum.

"Hi Lenny."

"My answer to you will be the opposite of Heaven and an o."

"Uhhhh... right... now, do you know how long my SDB is?"

"Yes of course I know. You have a mountain, that is 30 kilometers tall. From top point and down to the earth is a straight line. The angle of the mountain slope is 123 degrees.

"A marble with a diameter of 3 centimeters rolls down from the top of the mountain, with an average speed of 3.15 X the surface area of the marble in inches, mph.

"Now, multiply the number of seconds it takes for the marble to roll down, with the number of grains of sand in the Lost Desert divided by 23, and you will have the exact average length of the SDB in kilometers! Please do remember that not all Safety Deposit Boxes have the same length!"

After many weeks I finally figured out the answer. Triumphantly I now headed for my next goal.

Now knowing the length of the SDBs I went out to get the answer to the second mystery:

Building Material!

The Safety Deposit Box is very very long. It is so large that it will at least have to use a very very big amount of building material to construct just one of these.

I went to ask the CEO of PDSS once again.

"Hello again, sir. I have come to ask you more questions. This time I am interested in some information about the building material of the Safety Deposit Box."

"Is that so... what would you like to know? I can, of course, only give out information that wouldn't hurt my market!"

"Well, I would actually just like to know what the Safety Deposit Box is made of, since it must be a very common material!"

"Ah yes, that is true, y'see the SDB is made of something quite common. Something that is actually exactly as common as the air that surrounds us. Y'see my brother, who runs the national Neopian bank, lend me a few billions of neopoints, and with those neopoints I paid for the research of air compression. When the research had been completed I had a N.E.O.P.E.T machine or a Naturally Exciting Operational Power Emprovobial Tononton machine built. With this machine we can compress 1 square inch of air into 0.00001 pounds of Metal. So the Safety Deposit Box is actually made... of air."

"But then you will be using all the air in Neopia, won't you?"

"Ah, but you are a naive little journalist, y'see we have an air-making machine. You can buy em at Hubert's... he sells them in the back room. Don't tell anyone!"

"Wow, thank you for all that info. That was really useful."

Knowing now everything that is to know about the SDB, I went out onto the streets of Neopia, in search of a new unsolved mystery.

 
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