Wacky Island Mystic Fortunes: Part One

MYSTERY ISLAND -

You will have disappointing luck in the Haunted Woods.

Well THAT’s obvious! Every game in the Haunted Woods is filled with disappointing luck!

You will defend yourself against a flock of enraged Kaus.

Erm… Kaus don’t come in flocks. They come in herds.

You will rapidly realise that you must play Gormball.

Why not Zurroball?

You will defeat in single combat a flock of gigantic Kyrii..

Um, even if Kyrii could be gigantic and in flocks, I REALLY don’t think I could defeat them in single combat.

You will have terrible luck at the Smoothie Shop.

How can a smoothie be unlucky? Don’t you see? I get a tasty smoothie and my pets do too, what could go wrong? Some people… ;)

You will have demonic fortune in the Haunted Woods.

Well just a couple days ago you say I would have “disappointing luck” in the Haunted Woods. What do you have to say about that, Mr. Island Mystic? Has your crystal ball shattered?

You will defend yourself against countless three-headed Mutants.

There are no three-headed mutants in Neopia. Or at least I hope so.

You will have unexpected luck in the Ice Caves.

Let’s see if that’s true. First of all, there is the scratchcard booth, where you lose a lot most of the time. Then there is the Negg Faerie who isn’t “lucky”. And then there is a big crack thing which I don’t think I want to fall in. Then there’s the Snowager, where you get blasted with ice.

So basically that “unexpected luck” I will find in the Ice Caves is actually “I will have unexpected luck getting blasted by the Snowager.” Yeah, that’s it.

You will defeat in single combat an army of purple Lupes.

Aaaaaah! *throws chocolate Chia truffle in opposite direction*

Your direction in life will cease unexpectedly.

Really? *slams into brick wall from nowhere*

Er okay… *turns in a new direction*

You will fight off a flock of four-headed Kyrii.

O_o

You will have evil fortune at the Wishing Well.

Evil? What do you mean by evil?

Dr Sloth: Haha, I will camp out at the bottom of the wishing well and grab the precious Neopoints that fall down so I can fund my next invasion!

I see…

You will suffer injuries from legions of stealthy Techos.

What? *smash*

Two days later…

Ouch.

You will slowly make a decision to play Cheat.

You will rapidly make a decision to play Cheat.

AAH! I can’t make a decision how fast to make a decision to play Cheat!

You will be chased by a pack of huge faeries.

I thought faeries were nice? Wait…who cares? RUN!

You will mistakenly crush a Gold Bike at the Smoothie Shop.

Oops… sorry?

You will have stolen from you a Blumaroo Plushie at the Battle Magic Shop.

Tut, tut. Shouldn’t I find one at the PLUSHIE shop, where it belongs?

You will accidentally discard a Cement Mixer on Mystery Island.

WHAT? CEMENT MIXER? I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE NOISE OF AN ISLAND TECHO USING A CEMENT MIXER THAT LOOKS A LOT LIKE MINE, WHICH I MISPLACED SOMEWHERE!

You will suffer injuries from a pack of three-headed Blumaroos.

*gulps*

You will slowly realise you have to play Gormball.

Really, you know I don’t like Gormball. I did it for the avatar, you know, and it was boring, and… hey, why don’t I play Gormball? Brilliant! *runs off to play Gormball*

You will reveal a Gold Bike in the Uni Meadows.

I thought I crushed one?

You will slowly make a decision to visit the wishing well.

Why? Sloth is planning an invasion there… better steer clear!

You will have ungodly luck in the Ice Caves.

You will have unexpected fortune in Faerieland.

Hmm… really? I’ll go to Faerieland.

At Faerieland:

Now when will I get my unexpected piece of fortune? *taps foot impatiently* OW! What was that? Oh, the hidden tower. THE HIDDEN TOWER! WOW! But I have a stubbed toe. :(

You will defeat in single combat scores of enraged Kyrii.

Kyrii like you, Mr. Island Mystic?

Your luck will alter without your noticing.

Your luck will change without your noticing.

Same thing… you better get some new fortunes, hmm?

Your sense of self will change in a strange way.

Your sense of self will change in a strange way.

Aah, am I hearing double now?

You will happen across rare Neggs in Neopia Central.

Where? I didn’t know they were holding an Easter Negg hunt at THIS time of year! *runs off to Neopia Central*

Island Mystic: *chuckles* THAT should get rid of him!

You will slowly realise that you must feed your Neopet a Green Negg.

Nah I won’t. OH WOW! There is a new negg club trophy! *stuffs green negg in Shoyru’s mouth*

You will eventually realise that you forgot to look after your Chias.

What Chias?

The ray is zapped at lanaris…

And he changes species to Chia! Oops, it looks like there was an accident! Your other pets got too close to the ray and turned into Chias too!

Oh I see…

You will accidentally discard an apple at the Wishing Well.

*drops apple in Wishing Well*

Oops, sorry Dr. Sloth, it was an accident!

You will misplace all your food in the Uni Meadows.

My Neopets will starve! *cries*

Island Mystic: Better go play Meerca Chase then!

You will suddenly realise that you forgot to never eat bananas.

And why would I want to remember?

You will have unusual fortune at the Space Station.

Odd, what is this drop of ketchup doing in my mutant pie?

You will fight off several four-headed Shoyrus.

Yeah right! *punch* *smash* *bang*

Okay I take that back…

Island Mystic: *laughs* Haha you can’t fight off several four-headed Shoyrus! Hopefully you will get healed by a giant mutated Mynci!

You will have unexpected fortune on Mystery Island.

Tombola man: You have ALL my prizes! Yah!

Well now I am rich as Fyora in terms of junk, but I now have a body full of bruises and broken bones…. well lookie here, there is one codestone! *angry mob tears through*

Oh darn it is gone now. :(

You will have nasty luck at the Space Station.

Bleh, this Grundo Toe with side order of lint is NASTY! I thought it was good!

Grundo chef: Well, sir, we lied.

You will have incredible fortune at the Wishing Well.

Yes, it really is great fortune to drop rocks on Dr. Sloth’s head!

You will quickly realize you forgot to paint your ear green

Which ear?

You will rapidly realise that you forgot to paint your left ear green.

Maybe I shouldn’t speak so fast!

You will have perilous fortune in Faerieland.

Hopefully I have wings! *checks* Uh, nope. Ahh! I’m faaaaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiingggggg!

You will mistakenly crush a Rod of Supernova at the Smoothie Shop.

Um, oops?

…

Aah! I could have made 10 livings three times over!

You will happen across all of your Neopoints at the Wishing Well.

Dr. Sloth: But I wanted to keep them!

Island Mystic: Fortunes are fortunes! *hands the Neopoints to me*

Hmm… I thought I stored them in the Neopian National Bank!

Dr. Sloth: Remember the Skeith Keepers Plan?

Oh yes, the plan where the Skeiths would take half of the Neopoints I withdrew or deposited every time I did so?

Dr. Sloth: *nods*

You will defend yourself against a trio of deranged Pant Devils.

I thought there was only ONE pant devil?

Pant Devil: Hehe… meet my secret brothers, Mike and Dave.

You will suddenly realise you have to play Poogle Solitaire.

Boohoo! Sorry this game does not exist anymore.

MUST… PLAY… POOGLE… SOLITAIRE! *bangs on closed game door for rest of eternity*

You will rapidly realise you have to bury all your clothes.

… and perhaps give them to the game, “Treasure of the Black Pawkeet” as a booby prize?

You will have incredible luck in the Uni Meadows.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, incredible luck? *runs to Uni Meadows*

Island Mystic: *laughs yet again* Maybe that will get rid of him THIS time!

You will find many Neopoints at the Food Shop.

Wait why weren’t they found before?

You will have bad fortune at the Magic Shop.

That’s no fortune! You’ve been spying on me! I ALWAYS have bad fortune at the Magic Shop.

Your sense of self will cease without your noticing.

Is left right and up down? *faints*

Your direction in life will change unexpectedly.

I’m tired of your fortunes. Literally. *falls to sleep*

Well that’s all for this week. Stay tuned for next week, where we have this many Island Mystic fortunes… again!

Island Mystic: I’m a star now! *walks the red carpet and trips* I saw that coming! Really I did!