Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 117,233,045 Issue: 233 | 31st day of Running, Y8
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How I Won the Test Your Strength Jackpot!


by grjocu777

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HAUNTED WOODS - At the time of this essay, the Test Your Strength jackpot was hovering just over the 600 million neopoint mark. What is it going to take someone to win this jackpot? Popular questions and comments on the boards were 1) "Does your pet have to be strong in order to get a good score" 2) "Does refreshing the screen before you pick up the mallet increase your odds of getting a decent score" Well my friends, look no further for a winner because I have won it, all 620,045,100 worth of it. :)

Let me begin by showing you a very odd statement by the Wise Old King in a recent random event. The king uttered the following statement: "No pun is intended in that the path to the pot is simply a press away. With all your might & rage less you have a strength of zero or very weak; step on up and pick up the mallet and listen for your destiny to become a reality with the sound of a zing." Let me tell you, this statement really excited me because I instantly understood the significance of it. There are 10 levels at the Test Your Strength game. I have listed them from the highest level to the lowest in the following manner with the 'secret' word next to it that can be found in the Wise Old King's statement.

Jackpot = pot

Amazing = zing

Impressive = press

Mighty = might

Strong = on

Average = rage

Puny = pun

Weakling = weak

Pathetic = path

Useless = less

I used to believe that in order to win the jackpot you had to have Neopia's strongest pet but the more I played T.Y.S. I soon discovered that Arnold would change his comment each time. The following are Arnold's 7 most commonly used sayings:

Arnold says 'Think you can hit the top?!!?'

Arnold says 'I oiled the machine this morning, it should be easy to beat.'

Arnold says 'Roll Up!'

Arnold says 'Win GREAT Prizes!'

Arnold says 'I assure you, this game is not rigged'

Arnold says '*cough*'

Arnold says 'I knew opening a fairground in the Haunted Woods was a bad idea!'

Do these random comments have any relevance? You better believe it. In order to harness the power needed to obtain the perfect 100 score at the game like I did, you first must totally understand those comments and to realize that there is nothing at all random about them. I found that by refreshing the screen over and over before picking up the mallet, I either increased or decreased my chances of winning the jackpot based on the order in which the 7 comments came in to play. Normally, you might see the same comment 2 or 3 times in a row but if you're patient and wanted to win the jackpot like I did, you would have refreshed the screen until you got the comments in this order:

Arnold says 'I knew opening a fairground in the Haunted Woods was a bad idea!'

Arnold says 'Think you can hit the top?!!?'

Arnold says 'I oiled the machine this morning, it should be easy to beat.'

Arnold says 'I assure you, this game is not rigged'

Arnold says '*cough*'

Arnold says 'Roll Up!'

Arnold says 'Win GREAT Prizes!'

If you were persistent and got the 7 comments in that order, the passage would have read: "I knew opening a fairground in the Haunted Woods was a bad idea. Do you think you can hit the top? I oiled the machine this morning so it should be easy to beat. I assure you that this game is not rigged. *cough* So roll on up and win GREAT prizes!" Waa laa.... you've now made it to the point in which no other has come close to winning in this century. You now have thoughts running rampant in your head, 1) What will be the first thing I purchase? 2) Will I donate to friends, the money tree, and the wishing well? 3) Will I finally realize my dream of owning...? 4) Would I have to put everyone on block until Neopets reaches the year 20? 5) Could I trade in half my jackpot winnings to own another 4 pets for a total of 8? 6) Will there be a SUPER SUPER rare Test Your Strength champion avatar? 9) What would be the interest rate after a year of collecting the daily interest from my Ultimate Riches savings account? 10) Could I have the next coin named after me?

After what seems to be an eternal, painstakingly, agonizing decision over what to do with all the winnings, you pick up the mallet and swing it as hard as you can. You sit dumbfounded as you watch the levels fly by..... useless, Pathetic, Weakling, Puny, Average, Strong, Mighty, Impressive, and then low and behold AMAZING! Please don't forget to have the volume turned up on your computer because the sound is rather intoxicating. It's tantamount to a hole in one in golf, seconds before the ball rolls in the hole in one stroke. It's the same sound as the bowling ball makes on the 12th roll of the ball while having a perfect game in progress. It's even the same sound that a dart in flight makes after two consecutive triple 20 scores have been posted. To me, sound plays an integral role with every success, so to clearly enhance your enjoyment of winning the Test Your Strength jackpot and to make it a life changing experience in the future, please ensure the volume is turned up to a decent level. Please be advised that since I have foiled everyone's attempt to become an instant neo-billionaire that TNT will soon revise the method in which I won the jackpot. Good luck in your quest to become the next billionaire after me! :)

Author's Note: This is purely fictional and an April Fools joke only!

 
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